<p>Yep. Got one here, too. S showed little interest in visiting or picking a college. One suggestion that got things rolling a bit: When S was a sophomore and his HS was playing in a regional basketball tournament at a nearby college, I took him and 5 friends to watch the game. Went about 3 hours early, dropped them at the student center and told them to find some lunch, a map, and walk to the arena...I'd meet them there. It was fun to listen to the conversation on the ride home. Some loved the campus, some wanted to go there, others talked about "better" colleges, etc. That was the first time I think my S saw there was a lot out there besides high school.</p>
<p>Based on the experience with my older D the college visit process can be perplexing. We went to see UCSD and UCSB during spring break her Jr. year. UCSD was wonderful, the tour guide was attentive event though there was a huge group, it was a typical San Diego day, beautiful! We roamed around the campus before and after the tour and she loved it.
UCSB-we walked around campus for about 10 minutes and before the tour she said "let's don't waste our time I won't apply here"-after a drive from Orange County-so we roamed around campus abit letting my husband point out the sights (his MA is from UCSB) and then went to State street for lunch and shopping.<br>
NYU-she had attended the CAP-21 summer program so she didn't do tours there
USC-she visited and had a positive feeling but being from So Cal had concerns about the general area immediately adjacent to campus
We flew to Mich. and after 2 days in Ann Arbor she decided she didn't like the campus and atmosphere-
Northwestern she loved but she was also staying with a friend in the dorms.
When the acceptances came in she returned to visit schools with the eyes of an "accepted student" very different perspective-she went back to her top choices and UCSD and USC fell from grace. We flew her to Boston (on her own) for a 28 hour turn around trip. Northeastern rose to the top and there she is as a successful freshman (whew-school is out in 3 weeks so I quess almost a sophomore!)</p>
<p>BOTTOM LINE-this time around I will follow whatever D2 wants before applications but I will insist on a tour as an "accepted student" unleess there is a clear cut #1 choice!</p>
<p>Somehow, things do manage to work themselves out. The school my son will likely attend ias actually the best match for him, we think. They are also giving him pretty decent merit aid. He's another one who hates to shop & knows what he wants but realizes that he can be happy wherever he sets his mind to be happy. I really had wanted him to visit the school overnight, but it's OK not to.</p>
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He's another one who hates to shop & knows what he wants but realizes that he can be happy wherever he sets his mind to be happy.
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<p>Visiting colleges is a bit like "shopping," isn't it? That explains a lot.:)</p>
<p>My oldest D was really not engaged in the college search process her junior year. Two years away seems like twenty when you're seventeen. Drove me crazy since I'm generally an obsessive planner. In retrospect, prob her initial ennui was a reaction against Dad's anticipated overinvolvement (well, she may not be SHYP, but she's not dumb!). It did come together the beginning of her senior year, not because of some flash of insight or Dad's words of wisdom, but because all her friends were getting their act together and she didn't want to be left out. (Finally, a good kind of peer pressure :) ) I don't have any words of wisdon for the OP, but if your S or D is a procrastinator like mine, then one of the biggest benefits of EA or ED is that it forces you to get your essays and LoRs in shape pretty quickly - even if you finally decide to just go the RD route.</p>
<p>Boys get interested in colleges when their friends start talking about colleges, in about October of senior year. Make sure he has some college visit memories to call up at that point!</p>
<p>I think we as parents put greater stock on a lot variables that our students (sons, in particular) </p>
<p>I do think this is true for boys (and a few girls). Think about it, most boys don't care as much for the "prettiness" of their environment and they'll eat the same things over and over again.</p>
<p>My son doesn't even know what schools his buddies applied to or where they're planning to matriculate in the fall. I think many of them remain fairly silent on the issue so as not to hurt feelings of friends who may have been rejected from some schools.<br>
The peer pressure did kick in, to at least get him to do research at the CC office, speak with the CC, & get his aps in on HIS schedule (much later than mom's schedule).
Somehow or another, most of our great kids do end up at schools where they are pretty happy & succeed. Whether it's partly due to our efforts or in spite of our efforts, does it really matter? We & they are all doing the best we know how, even if sometimes we do seem to be at cross-purposes. <grin></grin></p>
<p>I feel your pain. S1 was utterly passive and disorganized his junior year. He didn't really kick into gear until September, senior year. Even then I had to do the research and lay out some choices for him to give an exceedingly distracted nod to. However, he did like the campus visits--even for the schools he ultimately decided against. He's very happy now at a school we visited twice. </p>
<p>S2 is a whole nother story, but has given me an interesting insight. He's been resistant to the point of hostile until I took the step of submitting the athletic recruiting form to some likely D3 schools. Within a week, he had letters from the head coaches at 2 schools. Suddenly, he was all about the process and I realized that a lot of the hostility was coming from fear and from protecting himself from disappointment. The minute he knew that some good schools were interested in him (at least on a preliminary level), he allowed himself to start to care. I think the level of competitiveness and anxiety among this huge generation is hard for some kids to take. They'd rather pretend the whole thing doesn't exist and I really kind of sympathize. I found with both boys that a little positive feedback goes a long way. </p>
<p>Also, as we're fond of saying in this house, many teenagers just can't let the rest of their lives interfere with the next five minutes:) From what I can tell--that does change.</p>
<p>It's awfully reassuring to know that so many people are having the same trouble with their offspring. I've concluded that the disinclination of my S (and probably that of many young men) to become engaged in the college search process is due to a combination of things -- something developmental (the slower maturation of guys and perhaps some girls), something "genetically" male (like the seemingly universal male trait of refusing to ask for directions), the adolescent need to dissociate from all parental enthusiasms, reaction to excessive involvement in the college search process by one or both 'rents (mea culpa mea culpa), and the mind-boggling number of stressful activities and tests that all seem to come to a head in the Junior year. My mantras to myself of late have been "Back off" and "This too shall pass." I would also highly recommend the comic strip "Zits" to all parents of teen-aged boys -- it has kept me sane and laughing with relief through this whole difficult period.</p>
<p>Students may have fears - about how they will cope, social worries, dislike of change, etc. - but not want to tell you about it. Mine worried about changing schools each time - elementary to middle school, middle school to high school. He always tended to be cautious in new circumstances. For instance, in summer after 7th grade, he spent his first few days at the CTY summer program reading in his room, but by the time the three weeks were up, he was very sorry to leave because he had a great time making friends and doing all of the activities. You have to parent what you've got, and I frequently had to push. Once he was thrown in, he always swam very nicely and gained confidence.</p>
<p>I told a lot of frustrated-parent-with-uncommunicative-kid stories on this board when we were doing college visits. He used to say "I HATE talking about colleges!" He turned his several essays at the last minute - unedited - and applications to a few schools were sent less than 60 seconds from the online applications deadline. He was enjoying his senior year tremendously, and just didn't feel like thinking about the future. </p>
<p>Then he used the excuse of rehearsals for the musical to avoid discussing his 10 acceptances. A few days away from May 1, I finally jumped up and down and cried "Tomorrow night you owe me up to two hours to discuss college choices!!!" Once we finally sat down together to discuss it, he was very rational in his assessment of academic and financial pros and cons, we were done in one hour, and the first choice was very clear.</p>
<p>I do know that if I had not been interested in the process and done 90% of the research and groundwork, he would only have applied to the state university and maybe one or two other places. I think a lot of students, especially boys, are like that, and luckily for them, most parents on this board are willing to do what it takes (research, test registrations, sending for transcripts, etc.) to ensure that they have a good number of open doors come April 1. </p>
<p>If you lead a horse to water and it won't drink, sometimes you just have to get out the fluids and the IV, tie them down and jab the needle in!!!</p>
<p>I didn't visit schools either (and I am female). <em>shrugs</em> It's not a big deal. College--gee...</p>
<p>You all have some very, very funny kid stories and I've been laughing out loud reading them! I do take great comfort in knowing I have company out there and I do know he'll eventually come around. He did make a comment to his dad that Ball State would be a safety school for him (I didn't even know he knew that term!) so at least he's thinking in terms of levels of schools. He did take the ACT today and his only comment was that it was long and boring. Wait till he takes the SAT next month. I do think the fall will bring some more conscious thought and effort because the majority of his friends will be applying to Purdue and that may get him going just a little bit. </p>
<p>Thanks to all for the laughs!</p>
<p>I still think this is largely a "male issue". Males just don't like change (they often fear it) and college is a huge change especially if it involves "going away". It doesn't mean that they don't "want" to go, it just means that they would like to put off thinking about this change as long as possible. </p>
<p>I like the idea from post #41</p>
<p>It was a "back door" approach to getting kids to see (and not fear) what college life will be like. (It's like the wife who wants to have a baby so she arranges to babysit a cute and well-behaved baby so hubby can see "it's not so bad" and "we can do this". )</p>
<p>My son was actually a lot more accurate about how he'd do in the admissions process than I or his former CC. He figured he'd get in with substantial merit aid at the two Us which admitted him with substantial merit aid (1/2 tuition). He's content with the college he's going to attend & we figure he'll do fine there. (He still hasn't notified CB or NM about his first choice school or sent in any money to any schools or housing choices, but he's got time & is content with how things are at the moment. We're letting things rest for now.</p>
<p>Zits is widely read in this household & helps us a bit with perspective--we do see a lot of our son in Jeremy. <sigh></sigh></p>
<p>There is a silver lining to the cloud of a disinterested child: he is much more amenable to being steered in the direction of a reasonably good match school that the parents like.</p>
<p>Never mention the overpriced and overrated, or out of reach, schools and you never get to hear "I got into my dream school but M and D say they won't pay."</p>
<p>Frankly, if I had one that was really disinterested and never "got it" I'd look at community colleges until the interest level elevated.</p>
<p>Actually, that is one of the things that got my son to show SOME interest--we told him he'd go to the local community college of flagship U if he didn't have SOME interest & be sure to apply to at least one or two+ schools we could afford.
I am grateful that he didn't get his heart set on schools that were out of our budget & don't offer merit aid. Things DO work out after a fashion.</p>
<p>One other thought....</p>
<p>Shortly before Xmas, I emailed the GC (we know each other by name) and gave her a "heads up" about our problem that son didn't want to discuss ANYthing about colleges. She called me back and said that she always has kids who annoy their parents by showing no interest.. She assured me that these kids are thinking about it but don't want to verbalize anything just yet. </p>
<p>She also assured me that after the scheduled meeting with the juniors, more kids will take an interest -- simply because they were being told my a "non parent" authority figure how important it is to get started on the college process. Sometimes hearing something from "an expert" is more real to a kid than hearing it from a parent who the kid thinks is just exagerating.</p>
<p>GC also said to leave a couple college books (like Princeton Review or Fiske) around the house and let son pick them up when he thought I wasn't looking. I did this and a few times I did see my son leafing through them (of course I said NOTHING.). </p>
<p>Doing these things probably made possible the events described in my post #5 </p>
<p>Now my son mentions college and college issues EVERYDAY. A COMPLETE turnaround.</p>
<p>Another thing is that most CC offices have LOTS of materials about colleges that the kids DO spend time reviewing during their free periods (they just don't let us parents know about it). I shared my concern about son's lack of interest & not verbalizing with the CC & he smiled & said my son spent a LOT of time in the CC, using the materials in the office. I also have Fiske & other materials around the house for son to peruse at his leisure (& he did look at it on his terms).
The AP english class in senior year did work on college essays during fall quarter, so the kids were doing that stuff whether they wanted to or not, as class assignments. The CC shared that the peer pressure DOES work to advantage in getting the kids thinking about college since all the kids around them start thinking about it.</p>
<p>Seven years ago my son applied to three colleges. He was accepted at all three which were within an eighty-mile radius of our house. After visiting all three, he stated he did not want to leave our small (by So.California standards) town and ended up attending the community college.<br>
It was very good for him. One of the reasons was because he had been on the high school cross-country team and was able to run with the Community College team travelling all around the state to compete. His high school friends who went to the large universities around here did not get to compete because there were too many runners on the teams.<br>
He also took song-writing, guitar and poetry classes which I believe he would not have taken at a large university because he is somewhat shy. After transferring to the closest state college he could find, he went for a year, took two years off, worked three jobs, saved enough money to buy a condo, and is now working full-time and finishing a business degree at that same state college.<br>
Often the path zig-zags...; )</p>