<p>Umdclassof80, don’t worry it will get better with time. I do agree with your husband though. Don’t e-mail too much, let her contact you. I have an only child, too, that I am very close with. I work full time so that helps me a great deal, my job is exhausting. Have you considered volunteer work? It not only keeps you busy, but it is rewarding at the same time. I work in a hospital and I see so many sad things. It really puts things in perspective–when I see a burn victim or someone in a bad car accident, it makes me really appreciate what I have. If you can keep yourself busier, you won’t be waiting for her calls so much. Remind yourself that you have done a great job getting her this far, and this is all part of being an adult, which is what they want. I knew my daughter would develop independence more quickly by staying in a dorm. If she commuted to college and stayed at home it would be too easy to rely on her parents all the time. This is best for them and we will adapt. You will get through this, just give her some space.</p>
<p>snapdragonfly: Thanks for the tip on the rat. I will give it my son’s name.</p>
<p>I am hoping that my son is not dead. My neighbor checked his facebook and his status has not changed since we moved him in. We haven’t heard from him since last Wed. but he has been on a backpacking trip for a day or two now. The problem with everybody having a single dorm room is, just in case, say, he was dead…who would know?</p>
<p>I am really just joking around but I am jealous of others who have received a stream of texts, emails, and calls.</p>
<p>shelldemo, a text that says, “Hi, how’s it going so far?” from you to your S wouldn’t be out of line. If he’s away backpacking he may not answer. But if you haven’t heard from him in 5 days, a brief text to let you know all is well would be quite appropriate.</p>
<p>Umdclassof80, you have got to get out of the house. Get a part-time job or volunteer. Do you like pets? Volunteer at a pet shelter. See if your local senior center or elementary school needs volunteers. I’m serious - it will really help. Even a part-time job in retail would be good. </p>
<p>I was an at-home mom for 8 years, then worked part-time in the schools when my kids were older. As soon as my youngest, my daughter who I am really close to, left for college 800 miles away I began looking for full-time work. It truly helps to have something else to focus on, and to remind yourself that you have your own life, and your own skills and talents to offer to other people. You meet new people and make new friends. Please do not burden your daughter with feeling responsible for your happiness (my college roommate was an only child and her biggest fear in life was letting her mother down). Find your own happiness - it may take a while, but there is a place for you in the bigger world and you will feel so much better when you find it. Good luck!</p>
<p>When we hadn’t heard from ours for a long period, H or I would text a line from ‘Cool Runnings’: ‘Hey Sanka-mon, you dead?’ </p>
<p>We’d usually get a response the same day.</p>
<p>I’ve appreciated this thread a lot, I wish it had been around last year when S was a freshman. </p>
<p>He’s 800 miles away and wasn’t communicating much, so I decided to go to Parents’ Weekend last October. He warned me that he had a lot going on so he wouldn’t be able to see me much, he did invite me to come see his club rugby game on Saturday afternoon.</p>
<p>I didn’t know the exact time of the game so, intending to ask someone hanging around, I walked to the designated field about mid-morning on Saturday. There were a group of students stretching and I asked them if they knew what time the rugby game would start. One of the kids pointed to the end of the field where some guys were working industriously and said that they would know. </p>
<p>As I approached, I realized that these three young men were in flip-flops and bathrobes and that one of them was my son. They were very intently working on the chalk lines for the up-coming match and hadn’t noticed my arrival. I walked up to my son and nonchalantly asked what time the rugby game would start. He looked up with a completely blank face and said, “1:30”. I was so shocked by his demeanor I blurted out, “I’m your mother!” He replied without any change in expression, “Yeah, I recognize you.”</p>
<p>Over the rest of the weekend he warmed up, but freshman year was pretty much all about separating from us. He has grown immensely in this year, taking on some major responsibilities on his campus and fraternity. We always wanted him to be able to fly, and he is. This year he chats more when we finally get him on the phone, but he’s still hard to reach. It’s lonely for us, but amazing that we really weren’t better prepared for it. I was about 30 before I started calling my parents on a regular basis so it’ll probably get better.</p>
<p>Boys seem to go incommunicado more often than girls in my experience. My best friend and I both had boys within a year of each other and girls within a month. 
Our boys were sweet but just didn’t emote much in the first place, and when they went off to college, certainly didn’t call us first. Most communication had to be initiated by us. The girls, though busy, are nevertheless texting and generally keeping in touch much more so than did our boys.</p>
<p>After a week at college, and only texting the day after the hurricane, we had a skype video call today with our freshman son. It was so great to see him. People kept wandering into the room during the call, which surprised me, but was a good sign that the kids are bonding and getting to know each other. The girl from across the hall (I think) came in to invite him to lunch and he kiddingly said, ‘hey, you shouldn’t just come in without knocking, some people might be in their boxers’ (which he was). She said, ‘I don’t care, put on some pants and come have lunch with us’. College has sure changed from 30 years ago!</p>
<p>(wrong thread - oops)</p>
<p>mominva: love it! brings a smile and couldn’t stop laughing.</p>
<p>got to bring some humor into this otherwise sad, life-event. #2 ds is our caboose child and just sent him off of soph year and with boys, man of little words/txt-msg. he writes as needed and pretty prompt. but it’s still tough, even having his 2 older siblings out the door. he’s our baby.</p>
<p>i’ve found public webcams from school’s website are great ways to get a glimpse of “life” on campus - well, at least people walking around. in fact, one is named the “hi mom” webcam. you get a pulse of campus, type of weather, traffic, etc. can make you feel you are there - that fly on the wall. it was impressive when I would watch the snow falling in middle of blizzard at dd’s campus - beautiful winter scene and seeing plows quick at work was reassuring. also, taking a peek at most recent photos on their facebook page gives latest update too.</p>
<p>but these one-liner’s are great…fun and light-enough to invoke a response. thanks!</p>
<p>I love the webcam idea! Today is my daughter’s first day of classes, so I know I will hear from her later. She had a fun weekend with my husband, who flew up on Friday to help her finish moving in. It was a weird weekend for me, first time in 30+ years I did not have my husband or child with me. But it was good for them to have a weekend together and for him to get to see where she will be. I am sure she had a good cry when he left!</p>
<p>mistymom (#129)----The webcams are great! I think I caught a glimpse of my S riding his bike to class this morning! It helps that his hoodie is lime green—easy to spot. And I can see that it’s sunny and 37 degrees…brrrrrr</p>
<p>Great new thread that has a link to a wonderful article we all need to read: <a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/1206764-i-sun.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/1206764-i-sun.html</a></p>
<p>My son is a now a junior attending an LAC a little north of Manhattan. We live in Zimbabwe, Africa, and when I first wrote on this wonderful site two years ago, I was so bereft I felt my heart and soul would never beat or rise again. The wonderful people here soothed me and answered my daft foreign questions with wisdom and frankness. My precious son chose his first major separation to really separate, and I didnt hear often from him in the first semester, which made me feel even more breathless with pain. A psychologist helped immensely by explaining what an essential a stage it is for children to separate from their parents. She said a lot of midlife crisis folk she treats have in some way not completed this stage effectively. Well I clung to that explanation with such intensity – to put it mildly I will be very put out if my son has a mid life crisis! Anyway long story short, we see the DS twice a year, he has grown into a tremendous young man, albeit somewhat alien in his slang(!). He has made the Dean’s List, been invited to join the honours program, (to my surprise, as he still doesn’t talk much about the details of his college life), and is flourishing so completely and obviously, that all the initial pain on my part has been assuaged by seeing him being in exactly the right place. I am better now, healed and scarred, but in that same good way as when checking out your belly button confirms you were once part of someone else! I also now know that other families separate differently, there is no right or wrong way, and its not ok to judge how other parents feel, our normal is not everyone’s normal. But I cannot thank enough the fellow parents who post here, not being alone honestly gave me the strength to get over the worst. Now its my turn to hold out virtual arms for a hug, and say reassuringly all is no doubt unfolding exactly as it should. Have a cup of tea, take a deep breath, and let the love we are so fortunate to feel wash over us.</p>
<p>umd/80, hugs to you.</p>
<p>What a beautiful post, Zimcollegemom. Our youngest is just starting college, so we are experiencing the totally empty nest for the first time. Your post is inspiring!</p>
<p>Indeed - warmly returning that hug, Zimcollegemom. How wise and comforting. Thank you.</p>
<p>This is what helped me when my oldest left for college last year. There was a family in our school district whose daughter was diagnosed with a brain tumor in fourth grade. The school holds a little graduation ceremony when the kids move from sixth grade into the 7-12 building. My daughter was in sixth, and their daughter was in fifth, in a wheelchair at the ceremony. Whenever I felt myself get teary about my child “moving up”, I thought about her and her family and how all they wished for was for their little girl to grow up. She did not live to go to seventh grade. </p>
<p>She would have been a 2011 graduate and there was a tribute to her in the senior video. She was a lovely, sweet, beloved child and there were many tears as the student body and staff watched that video. </p>
<p>Whenever I feel sad about my children’s milestones, I think of that family, and how lucky I am.</p>
<p>oh lordie, slipjig, I think if there was a girl like that in my daughter’s class I’d be in even worse shape as I would probably go on a crying jag on their behalf. How very sad!!</p>
<p>We are indeed the lucky ones. It doesn’t make me miss her any less, I think only time and eventually moving on and the comfort of knowing I’m not alone will do that, but I have to say I’m making progress and I hope everyone else is, too.</p>
<p>Thanks snapdragonfly for starting this thread - and thanks to all the subsequent posters and the many voices each of you has brought to this heart-touching topic.</p>
<p>Zimcollegemom, I especially appreciated your post. It was very fine of you to write as you did. Our family is undergoing this separating now. It’s one step at a time, we’re finding; we vaguely imagined it would be and so it is, though far, far more intense and with the full spectrum of life’s remarkable and intense emotions close at hand. </p>
<p>Our best gentleness and goodwill to everyone.</p>
<p>Just musing, and further to my last post, I was able to make a trip over to the US last year to visit my S’s college and meet his friends and some professors. S’s fab roommate, “Long Island Billy” is his nickname, came out to Zimbabwe for my lad’s 21st in December. S’s gf friended me on fb, (yayayay I could see who she was!), these are the fruits of my (mostly) calm dependable oft professed (not much reciprocated!) freshman love. Two years on my S now misses home far more than initially, he calls irregularly but emails frequently, and I am much reassured that his love for us is stronger and more demonstrative than ever before. It’s also fantastic to finally be asked opinions on Shakespeare movies I have seen, my thoughts on esoteric poetry, and previously unknown artworks, and my best to date, to be sent a DVD of music, “” I made this especially for you Ma”. If I had known in that first year of bewildered patience, that their freshman lives are like a vigorously shaken snowglobe, that the glittery flakes will settle, and our parental love and guidance will remain as needed as the structured encasing of globe glass, then how much more serene would have been those early months…!</p>