<p>My wife and I said goodbye to my son #2 in Boston last week. It was very hard and I could not hold off my tears. Now both my sons are in college far away, and my wife and I just started learning to adjust for the brand new life style. We have so much free time now. But it has been hard on us and we miss them so dearly. </p>
<p>I greatly appreciate all the advices parents share in this forum. We are not fighting this alone. Thanks!</p>
<p>How is everyone holding up?</p>
<p>I’m okay except for when it just hits me once in a while. I have gone straight past Kleenex to just bawling into a microfiber cloth because it holds MORE SNOT.</p>
<p>I just take a long time to get over the grieving process, I guess - but maybe I shouldn’t be expecting to be over it in a week. Actually, I’m just now starting to REALLY miss her.</p>
<p>Joining the party with my tissues…we took our only DS to Univ. of Penn on Saturday BEFORE the hurricane. He moved in his dorm Sunday and finally got to leave on preorientation program backpacking trip on Tuesday am. DH & I stayed in area and did a little site seeing in Philly and were supposed to leave on Friday (DS was returning Thursday). Changed our plans and came back Wednesday and I started crying at the airport when we were asked to change seats with a mom and her kids (they were little). Cried when we got home last night. Got txt from DS…he’s back from trip, had GREAT time, made friends, and was meeting roommate (normal move in today). Miss him so…I know it will get easier…</p>
<p>it does get better…you adjust to the new normal. but…each time they leave it’s another ending…my s is college senior this year, d is a college junior and s2 is a hs sophomore. when my older kids left in last few days it was a new ending. we only had one day where we were all together. we made the most of it by having a fun vacation day at the ocean, jetskis, boat ride, special lobster dinner, but it was only ONE day…it hits me that that’s all we had. :(</p>
<p>To add a little perspective…</p>
<p>[Dewayne</a> T. Williams - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia](<a href=“http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dewayne_T._Williams]Dewayne”>Dewayne T. Williams - Wikipedia)</p>
<p>Note the dates of birth and death.</p>
<p>snapdragonfly–oh no, I think it takes more than a week. Much more in my case. Things get better by Thanksgiving and then keep getting better. I think this is especially true for those who might have those “boys who want to assert their independent status” (ahem). It’s a little weepy the week they leave sophomore year, but at least in my case, nothing near as bad.</p>
<p>An additional part to my feeling bad was it seemed as if other area parents weren’t taking it nearly so hard. I don’t do well doing things the first time (at all) and I’m not quick with the grieving process either. Now I have some friends going through this for the first time. It is really nice to be able to let them share their fears and frustrations and reassure them.</p>
<p>@snapdragonfly: you gave me such a good laugh…which is good, considering my own need for a snot cloth lately…</p>
<p>I find laughter to truly be the best medicine.</p>
<p>~Next to Skype, which, we just concluded our first Skype visit, a nice long chatty half hour…I think once weekly Skyping might be my salvation.</p>
<p>I’m really close to my daughter, who is now in her 2nd year of being 800 miles away at college. The only thing worse than her being far away would be her having to come home.</p>
<p>I have a friend on another thread whose son was forced to leave his dream college and return home due to mental illness. He tried valiantly, but it was just too much. I have a neighbor whose son came home 2 years ago for a similar reason, at the moment he is doing clerical work for his dad’s company and figuring out his next steps. My brother managed to fail out of 3 colleges, all on my parents’ money.</p>
<p>I remind myself of these things when I’m missing her.</p>
<p>We brought our family to the college to get first born son settled in on move in day. He soon realized he forgot his calculator, desk lamp, and the Williams ID card holder the policeman gave him an hour before. While his dad was putting together a floor lamp in his dorm, my daughter was sweeping under his dorm bed for bugs, and my other teenage son was surfing the new college mac computer, I took a walk with son to look for a lamp. We ran around for twenty minutes, couldn’t find one, and on the way back to the dorm he said, “Mom, you aren’t going to the floor meeting at 4:00 meeting are you?” I said, no, silly, we will just check and see if your dorm room is all set, say goodbye and you can begin the meeting with your floor mates. Somehow, when we walked into the living room on the way to his dorm, many of his floor mates were sitting around the living room. He sat down and I, feeling like an idiot, kept walking to his dorm. (I still had fifteen minutes with him…***).</p>
<p>His room looked great. His little sister found three old withered spiders and an ant/termite? We gathered the trash and a junior advisor gave us a two minute warning (gentle hint for hit the road). I said the to the JA, could you get our son because he kind of blew us off (laughing, fakely, I was a little mad as my time was limited!). He nervously came into his room, hugged us very, very quickly and I told him he better head off to the meeting. But, he was already on his way there before I finished the sentence. </p>
<p>I think the saddest, most pitiful, and somewhat funny vision I will always remember were the parents, with fridge boxes, comforter bags, and other garbage, slowly walking to their cars with the junk in their hands. Zombies heading to the cars. </p>
<p>On the ride home, in a weakened state, I told my daughter that yes, she could have a rat. I walked into my son’s room when I got home, sat on his bed, looked at the messy floor and then realized he had left me with this rare mantid-type bug that needs rount the clock care. I poured myself a large wine, got a large net, and spent some time trying to catch food for the thing by sweeping the net in the grass at night.</p>
<p>Later, I checked to see if my first, huge monthly tuition payment had been pulled from my account. I discovered that somebody had used my debit card number to make over $1100 dollars of charges. I spent the rest of the night dealing with that and hoping that first payment didn’t bounce!</p>
<p>Now, two days out, we have heard nothing. I think he is now backpacking but I really hope I hear from him when they get back (on Tuesday). This was my introverted little boy who now cannot REMEMBER TO CALL HIS MOTHER!!</p>
<p>At least I know he will call when he runs out of cash because we ran out of time to set up the bank account and he only has 200 bucks :)</p>
<p>My daughter has been gone now for 4 days. I cried for months leading up to her leaving. Cried in the car on the way to college. Cried a lot when it was time to leave, she did too. We finally bolted out of there, as she put it, us hanging around was like ripping a bandaid off very slowly, and she needed to just rip it off fast. So we left a tiny bit before the official time to go. She was crying and it was breaking my heart.
And I cried in the car.
And I cried when we got home. Loudly.
And I cried when I put out the trash and looked up to her window and it was dark.
And the next night at dinner looking at her empty seat.</p>
<p>But, by the third day, I was feeling better. She’s having the time of her life. I am so happy for her. She likes her classes, is making friends, and doing stuff in the city she is in. It’s hard to be sad when she’s so happy.</p>
<p>leftylou - I had the same experience as you. I was impossible to talk to the last few weeks before my D left. All I did was cry. It’s been 4 days and I still miss her but she seems to be very happy and making new friends. I do find myself wandering into her room sometimes and just looking through some things she left. It also helps that I speak to her at least once a day and not just texting.</p>
<p>Just got back from driving DS and DD to college 1,000 miles away. Managed the 2-day drive home just fine. Walked in the door and broke out in sobs. omg - This is so hard.</p>
<p>Leftylou, sounds like you are a candidate for the microfiber.</p>
<p>Shelldemeo, I don’t know what to tell you about the incomunicado son, but I can tell you that we had every rodent pet you can legally have over the years and rats were by a gigantic long shot, our favorite. They are actually very gentle and intelligent, don’t stink nearly as much as the others, and remind me of wee little dogs, actually. </p>
<p>Okay, back to the snuffling.</p>
<p>Actually that skyping cheered me up immensely. I recommend it.</p>
<p>I’m sure I’ll be breaking out the microfiber later, though. It <em>is</em> hard.</p>
<p>Colmomto2 - hugs. And to everyone.</p>
<p>colmom - keep a radio or TV on at all times. Don’t sit in a silent house. (Just don’t put it on the country station… the first dinner we had with no kids the radio played some sad song about being alone and it was salt in the wound.)</p>
<p>Make the effort to call other parents whose kids are also away at college. Make plans to go out to dinner, or just have them over for dessert and wine. It helps to get out and talk to other people.</p>
<p>(I have a friend who got thru drop-off by reminding herself of the people who were saying goodbye to sons and daughters at a military ceremony as they left for Iraq or Afghanistan. She figured, “I’m leaving him in Pennsylvania. Really, he’s fine.” She said it helped her to hold it together.)</p>
<p>Thanks, snapdragonfly and Lafalum84 for the kind words. DD just called me to say she had a wonderful day. She caught up with a friend she made during orientation, and she’s been invited to a tailgate for tomorrow’s game. She sounded happy and excited. She’s already found her classrooms for this term and was hired for a part-time job. (DS helped her with the last two items - one of the benefits of having a big brother already on campus!)</p>
<p>Lafalum84 - I have the TV on and tuned to the shows DD and I usually watch together. It does help. The cat mewing for her doesn’t help - lol. This forum is a Godsend. This thread, in particular, is reminding me that I’m not alone, it’s all normal, and it will pass. I know so many of you know exactly what I’m going through - that helps, too. Still . . .</p>
<p>Since we dropped off my son for his freshman year, I find myself happy and smiling. I think of him at school, making his way in the world, on his own. How proud he must be of himself, and how proud I am of him. It’s an exciting time, filled with new experiences and endless possibilities. Yes, it is bittersweet, but the hardest times were leading up to this point, with the unknowns of the application process and the slow but sure loosening of the parental bonds over the last year. This point is the culmination of all the years of parenting, when the little bird flies the nest. I remember how it felt to be that little bird and now it’s my kid’s turn. It’s like the circle of life.</p>
<p>We dropped our S off at school last Sat and have not heard from him since. I did get one response through text about setting up his accounts.
I have had many sad moments leading up to this point.
However, when we were in the kitchen last night I told my wife that really the only thing that has really changed is that we know for a fact he is not coming home tonight instead of waiting up past midnight to find out the same thing.LOL
To be honest, my S really left a few years ago. He just dropped in to visit over the past year. LOL</p>
<p>We dropped off our D last Saturday. She is attending a college only 20 minutes away. She is our only child. I’ve been a stay-at-home mom for the past 18-1/2 years. I miss her terribly. I haven’t been able to sleep at night. I was awake until 4 am last night. Thankfully, she has called almost every night to fill us in on the events of the day. She seems to be making friends and keeping busy. I worry about her because she suffers from social anxiety and depression. I think she must have been crying the first few days because she asked me to bring more Kleenex tissues.</p>
<p>What kept me going last week was knowing that we would be seeing her today to bring her some additional items that she needed. Today, she was very aloof and anxious for us to leave because she said she had plans. I couldn’t even get a goodbye hug from her. My husband said she’s trying to show her independence. I just feel like I’ve lost my best friend in the world. I feel much worse today than I did a week ago when we dropped her off. I just can’t stop crying. I’ve been feeling depressed for the entire summer leading up to this. I don’t know what I’m going to do with my life now that she’s gone. My entire life revolves around her and I feel like I have no sense of who I am now.</p>
<p>We don’t know how often she will decide to come home to visit. I’ve extended the invitation to take her out to lunch or dinner whenever she would like. I hope that the phone calls continue, but my husband thinks they will begin to dwindle. She seems to be annoyed by my e-mails that I send every day. She doesn’t respond to them. My husband recommended that I refrain from sending them so often.</p>
<p>As many of you are, I’m struggling with this awful heartache.</p>
<p>For all of you who just dropped off your first or only, words of hope: My experience has been that very soon your DS/DD will call you, when you least expect it. It will be when he is walking across campus, alone, and wanting to fill the time, or look engaged, or because he didn’t want to talk when all his new friends are around…whatever the reason, it doesn’t matter. </p>
<p>The first few times this happens you will wonder, “What’s wrong? What does he need? What’s happened?” as he prattles on. And then, just as abruptly, he’ll say, “OK. Good talking. Gotta go.” He’s run into a friend, or arrived at his destination, and your time is up.</p>
<p>They are busy, and happy, and living their lives, and just don’t have time for long heart to hearts with their parents. But they WILL call, just to talk, for brief moments when they happen to be alone. I promise.</p>