first essay...just horrific

<p>my first sat practice essay this whole summer...i have been mainly concentrating on math and reading. now my weak point is just my writing and it shows in this essay too.</p>

<p>What motivates people to change?</p>

<p>A lot of people are afraid of change, while others embrace it. There are many factors that can influence a person to change, such as love, wealth, liberty and even the pursuit of happiness. But what motivates the people to change the most is the simple desire to improve their lives.
Personally I have made great changes in my life. When I was little I was never a great student. I wasn’t motivated to learn and frankly I didn’t care. Until one day when my principle had to talk to my parents about the fact that I might fail 5th grade. After hearing this, my heart dropped, I know I had to make a change whether I wanted to or not.<br>
Another example is the changes that were made during the Civil Rights Movement. The African Americans felt that they were being prejudged and discriminated against. Leaders of the community took charge and motivated people to change their lives. They held marches, and sit-ins, they used nonviolent ways to get the message across to their oppressor s that they deserve to change their lives for the better. Without having the motivations to change, African American would not have received the treatment that they deserved.
The motivation to change comes in many forms. It can be changes that were made that affects your own life or changes that affect a group of people. </p>

<p>i had to call time before i can finish</p>

<p>overall i gave my self a 4...out of 12</p>

<p>please tell me how i can improve my essay writing skills!!!</p>

<p>well, i wouldn't say its a 4 out of 12, but for your first practice essay its pretty good. just keep practicing within the time limit and slowly you'll write your essays within a couple minutes. i had academic decathlon in middle school, and my teacher drilled us so much that pretty soon i was able to write a 5 paragraph essay in 15-20 minutes.</p>

<p>I liked it but it was too broad.... and thats why the essay is small .. you should try to fill up at least 2 pages in the actual test with lots of writing. That would raise your score to a minimum of 7/12.</p>

<p>6 .</p>

<p>thanks for your replies guys</p>

<p>you are welcome. @Impulsehero900: It is not quantity that matter, but quality of the work</p>

<p>Well quanity can lead up to quality . The more you what you're writing about the more points you would have for the essay.. probably.</p>

<p>okay another essay...not sure if i made any improvements...i didn;t really feel like writing today but i still had to practice.</p>

<p>Do changes that makes out lives easier not neccassarily make them better?</p>

<p>During the last century, numerous technological advances have been made that makes mankind’s life easier. These changes certainly simplify our lives but they don’t necessarily make it better. </p>

<pre><code>With the publication of the internet, comes Email. Electronic mail has now become a part of our daily life. It enables us to communication with friends and family from far away land without delay. But as we communicate more and more, we get use to the fact that our family is just a click away. If check up on a friend is as simple as typing a message and press the send button instead of meeting them in person or calling them. Then we began to neglect social interaction and concentrate more on cyber interaction.

Over the past decade as America and the rest of the world enters the “information age”, more information is accessible by the general public. This certainly makes a research project a lot easier but with all these free information that is flowing around, it makes privacy harder. Also it becomes more difficult to protect someone from sensitive or offensive material, especially children. Because of all the information that is open, parents not only have to worry about what is hurting their children outside their house but also inside.

Technological advances diffidently make life easier, but it doesn’t make it better or safer, I would even argue that it makes it more dangerous. Some technology makes it harder to protect our children and even national security. On the health side, with obesity already a problem, computer games would certainly not help that problem. But these days we are so dependent on these technological changes that we sometime can’t even imagine how to survive without them. At least we don’t have to worry about our robot maids that decided not to follow direction and fights against us.
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<p>bump...anyone wanna grade this one</p>