First-Timers: The Stressed Parents Thread

<p>SeaShells, I'm so glad your D is enjoying Pace. My D has a friend who goes there too and also likes it a lot.</p>

<p>The waiting is difficult for so many reasons already said here -- so many of my D's regular school friends have been accepted already, and well-intentioned friends and neighbors keep asking where D has "decided" to go next year, or which of the schools to which she applied is her favorite (the one that takes her, of course!)</p>

<p>The audition phase was hard on on the kids, but also on us parents, but for other reasons. We were the ones who kept up with the details, travel arrangements, organizing things, etc., but like for so many here, now is the calm after the storm, with nothing on our hands but time. I know it won't be long now, but we do have a few weeks until the next letter is expected to arrive.</p>

<p>I for one am filling my time now by planning a vacation with spouse for the fall, when we'll be empty nesters! Serves a multitude of purposes -- the vacation of course, but also fills my time now, planning, researching, etc., all the stuff I used to do on cc, and will acclimate us to the empty nest life once our little bird has flown from the nest.</p>

<p>I was just saying this. All my attention has been on these college applications and auditions and trip planning and financial aid forms. If it had not been for all of this I think I would have been thinking of how many more weeks are left till she is graduated and then how few months are left till my nest is empty. In a way as hectic and time consuming as this has been I see it now has really been a blessing of diversion.</p>

<p>Brown Sugar,</p>

<p>Our fingers and toes are crossed for your very talented daughter. She is destined for great opportunities. Let us know where your fall travels take you once you decide.
Best of luck to all of you!</p>

<p>Awww, thanks so much Mamalu! That is so sweet! We're holding off posting results on here until everything has been received, but we'll certainly keep you posted then. Hugs to your D.</p>

<p>SeaShells29 that was wonderful! Full of love and humor. We have a PO Box and a very very strict by the rules 100% of the time Postmaster. However, even he got into the act and would announce, "fat letter in your box from XYZ".......when the CMU FAT letter came I didn't have the heart to tell him she already found out online........and he was grinning ear to ear!</p>

<p>That is such a cute story, khsstitches! Reminds me of something that happened between me and the FedEx man 13 years ago, when my husband and I were waiting to receive our adopted daughter's photo from the international adoption agency with which we were working. I got the call that the photo of the baby was being sent overnight from the People's Republic of China, and I was fairly dancing with excitement when the doorbell finally rang. I opened the door and the poor FedEx man's jaw dropped when I snatched the envelope and said "My baby is in there! Give her to me!" His expression said "Crazy lady! A BABY in the envelope? That's one to tell the guys back at the office." Today, that baby is a lovely 13 year old who wants to follow in her older sister's footsteps and get a BFA in college, albeit in dance and not musical theater. (Don't ask who is going to pay for my assisted living facility, with one being a musical theater performer and the other a ballerina. Maybe we shoulda put the kids in club soccer, huh? Too late now. ) ;)</p>

<p>Last night my D broke down. This happens about once a week. Triggered by something. Last night it was a friend at school who made sure everyone knew he got into his school of choice. And how wonderful the school is and how wonderful he is for getting into the school. He rubbed it in all day long and made everyone who has been auditioning for MT and acting feel really bad.<br>
Her break down made me second guess my decision to let her follow her dreams. Should I have been more practical and said the odds are against her? Should I have protected her from this weekly breakdown? Is she as talented as I think she is and other people in our area think she is? Will this talent even get her into a school?
She was so upset. She has been, as with all the other kids on cc, performing all her life. She lives and breaths theatre and now her future, it seems, is being decided on 4 minutes!<br>
I suppose a few more grey hairs and wrinkles are hopefully worth all of this in the end.</p>

<p>NCMTmom-I have questioned my sanity many times in this process. Why would I let my son chase his dreams only to be constantly bashed in the head by rejections? The answer always comes back to me-because it is the right thing to do. Let him pursue his passion and have a chance to live his life doing what makes him alive and energized. I live in fear of the big rejection letters and having to mop up his tears but that is all part of the process. The joy of the fat envelope will make it all worthwhile. All the best to you and your daughter-the waiting continues.</p>

<p>NCMTmom, I am so sorry to hear that your daughter (and, as a result, you!) had a stressful night. Was your D's classmate (the one who got into college) also a performer, and did he get in for MT and/or acting?
In any case, I do not think you should "second guess" your decision to let her follow her dreams. After all, you said it already: they are HER dreams. It is HER life to pursue and she needs to be able to try to reach for the goals she has set for herself. If you are like me, you don't want your daughter (as an adult) to look back and regret the road not travelled and to be stuck with the "what if's?" that come from not putting yourself out there. I think it is not only normal and expected that she is going to have some of these episodes where she is upset and has to cry/vent/blow off steam, but it's also healthy. She is dealing with a lot of stress and emotion right now (not just the audition process and assorted tensions, but also growing-up stuff, including the end of high school and knowing she will not be living in her familiar family home next year at this time) and those things need to be released from time to time. Hang in there and check in with everyone here when you can: we all know how you are feeling! :)</p>

<p>NCMT, Jack and all....I think it's normal right now as we wait - for the kids and for us - to question why we put ourselves through all this. And we know why we did it ...it's just so scary until that acceptance comes. We started out thinking we would "try" to see if she could get in. With all the time and emotion invested it becomes so much bigger than just "trying" and harder to take if it doesn't work. All the MT kids I've ever met are remarkable and I know they will be ok. </p>

<p>I know, for me, those mid-life consequences is what made me decide she just had to do this. I know it will be a lot easier to pursue this now than have a mid-life crisis wondering "what if" she had tried. She had to try to pursue this dream and give it her all first before she ever could give her heart to anything else if that is what she has to eventually do.</p>

<p>NCTMmom, I'm so sorry to hear what your family have been going through. I feel your sadness and I understand how you feel. In the beginning of my son's freshman year he started to have a passion for musical theater. We thought it was something extra for him to do, join the drama club and show choir. (to meet new kids) We had other plans for him to become a physician. One day he told us he didn't want to become a physician, he wanted to perform on broadway. We knew this was a hard profession, and wanted to protect him from all the heartaches he would go through. We told him it was out of the question, and he needed to pursue a career that was safe. He agreed with us with his mind, but not with his soul.
A year went by and he started to take all his AP classes, and getting A's to.
He also continued to do plays and show choir. One day he asked us if we could get him a voice teacher, we said yes what could it hurt. We started to go to his recitals and every time he sang a song I cried like a baby. The sound that came out of his mouth melted my soul and everyone that heard him. We knew this was his passion, his dreams. Our dream was not his. Whatever he wanted, dance classes and a private acting teacher. All he had to do was ask for it and our checkbook was his (lol). Everyone loves to see and hear him in musicals. I'm his biggest fan. The answer to your question is if you did the right thing.( YES ) This is her dream, and as parents we want to protect them from all these feelings. My son has gotten his first rejection letter also, and I think I felt worst then him.(I didn't show him my feelings) He said I'm ok mom, I'll get in a good school, just right for me. I told him we're in this together. I will do almost anything, to see his dreams come true. His little sister wants to be just like her brother, and I will do everything I can to make those dreams come true. My family has come a long way in excepting this decision, there's no turning back. Ups and downs we will support him. Some school might think your d is not their fit, and then another school will think she is the perfect match for our school. I truly believe this. We all have to keep supporting each other doing this process. I love this site and it has helped me with many questions. I can't wait to go and buy a bunch of balloons, and surprise him with a acceptance letter. Hand in there.</p>

<p>momsonfaith - You truly give UNconditional love. If only all parents would love their children for who they are instead of who they hoped they would be...the world would be a so much better place. Your son is a lucky guy.</p>

<p>Thank you to everyone for such great words of support. This site is an amazing support system. Most of the time I am just lurking in the background. But today I needed to vent! It definitely helps! We will just plug along and hope that my D gets accepted to at least 1 of the colleges she auditioned for. If not... you will see a very dark cloud sitting over our home...for awhile...but not forever!</p>

<p>We know a family who will NOT let their talented daughter follow her passion into a BFA program. She WILL, no doubt, end up in theater, but for now, it must be "just a hobby," while she follows a "more serious" line of education. It is heartbreaking to watch as she observes a few friends talk endlessly about visits, apps, and auditions to BFA programs. It is a fortunate circumstance when kids and parents are "together" on this issue.</p>

<p>There is a good piece on youtube, you may have seen it, by Randy Pausch, Carnegie Mellon professor with cancer. He talks about pursuing childhood dreams and going for your dreams in general. It is solid, honest, poignant and well worth the 10 or so minutes it takes. We plan to show it to the whole school community where I work (220 kids) because the message is really good in many regards. You all might like to watch it. NCMTmom you are doing it just right.
YouTube</a> - Dr. Randy Pausch - from Oprah</p>

<p>Hi All! A couple of years ago, I was in your shoes as an anxious MT parent. I posted my worries here and got lots of wonderful advice and support. I took the best of the best bits of advice and made up this list. Perhaps it will help you the way it helped me...
MT Parent Commandments
1. Just support and understand this is what they love!
2. Encourage them to work, but don't push.
3. Be a guide...sit down with them, plan out a time line together, discuss what needs to happen next.
4. The motivation to do the work has to be internal. You can guide and facilitate but they still gotta drive this process.
5. Try not to nag too much but have meetings about what is next, when they think they might do it, and then check in at some point
6. They really DO want your advice but they don't want to ADMIT it! It works when they bring it up.
7. Don’t overwhelm them with information and it puts you in the driver's seat of their lives.
8. Be the calendar coordinator and travel agent and chaperone for the trips.
9. You can nag, encourage, schedule, plan, research, etc...in the end, they decide how much he or she really wants to invest in the process--not just in the quantity but the quality of the time spent…
10. Be the keeper of hope and the fanner of the flames.
11. Casually drop a tidbit of info, leave it alone, and wait for them to ask for more. Try "virtual nagging" via email with clever subject headings!
12. Remember, even when they are whining about our nagging, seem to be procrastinating or appear really irritated with us, they are probably grateful.
13. We parents are meant to be the "guides", to gently nudge them back onto the path and remind them every now and then of where they wanted this journey to take them.
14. We are "a soft place to land" - great role for ANY supportive parent.
15. Beyond that - this pursuit has to be your child's PASSION, and not yours!
16. Ask "who is this for?"
17. We all have as much to learn as we have to teach as a result of traveling this road with our kids. The best advice is to LISTEN to the advice we give our kids.
18. A new one...from Oprah's new book club choice...A New Earth...you can't live your child's life...it's not yours to live...you have your own life to life! Enjoy it!</p>

<p>First, excuse me as I am entirely new to this mode of communication. I am happily overwhelmed by what I am learning and hearing in this community so I decided to give a try here. I may be asking my question in the wrong place (thread?) so forgive me. I would like some advice on putting together a quality MT resume for applying to MT college programs next fall. Is someone hired to do this?..can we make our own? should emphasis be on training? roles/experiences? MT honors? Should the resume differ if it is for an audition program vs a non-audition program? Any help would be appreciated as clearly you all are an amazing source of information and advice - and comfort I might add!</p>

<p>Apologies again if I'm writing in the wrong spot.</p>

<p>bc</p>

<p>Geeeze. . .I would not have thought to hire someone! Anyway, there are many posts that you can take a look at regarding MT/Acting resumes. Go to the MT forum and search "resume" and you will find a thread devoted to resumes. Sorry, I don't know how to create a "link." Have fun!</p>

<p>OK guys, we are so stressed, and our kids are falling apart. Do we cause it? I'm asking this because up until 2 weeks ago everyone here was just a mess. THEN playing pool became this HUGE HUMONGUS fad here, and the kids are getting together every night to "play brackets". They all think they are budding pool sharks! Grades are up, food intake is up, stomachaches are down, and getting in on time (please let me finish this bracket, mom) is the big stress now. However, I'm still kinda frozen to the couch in cyrogenically waiting until all of the envelopes are in. </p>

<p>Also to those of you who have finished and are losing it...I scheduled 2 March auditions so we would go right through the beginning of the letters. Don't know if it's a good idea or not, but we're not totally chasing the mailman.</p>

<p>Wow, and to think that a pool hall caused such "trouble in river city!" :)</p>