<p>I had next to no help from my parents when I applied for college (graduated from a top MT college in London in 2002). Mainly because they couldn't help me as they know nothing about the business - they are a lawyer and a photo journalist. It was up to me to find an acting coach, a singing teacher, audition material, dance classes, etc. They were willing to pay for some of it - but I had to organise it all. And they certainly didn't watch any of my classes or meet any of the teachers. Even when I did my singing exams at the Guildhall (top opera school in the UK) at 17 - I went alone. I went to the open days and to all the auditions alone too. In fact, my parents never saw my audition pieces as a) they didn't know what they were watching anyway and b) it would have made me more nervous and c) they couldn't give me any constructive feedback. I was rejected from one top school (where again it was me who drove all the way there again to find out why I had been rejected and have a chat with the head of the course) and then accepted by the other top school. This was their deal - they would only assist in paying for it if I was accepted at one of the top two programmes in the country. They then never saw the school I was studying at until my final term when they went to see my final shows and I took them on a little tour around the school and they met some teachers, fellow students, etc. But by that time I was 3 months from graduating. </p>
<p>I was taught to be independent as soon as possible as I ended up studying in the UK without having any relatives or family friends even in the same country as I am originally from Germany and my parents then moved to Singapore just as I started attending MT college. Time different is Singapore 7 or 8 hours ahead, so most of the time I couldn't even call as it was like 3am their time, so I had to sort it out myself. I had to grow up very fast, especially since there are no dorms for MT colleges in the UK - you have to organise to share and rent an appartment or house with other students without any help from the schools. Again, all of which I did myself, I just faxed them the guarantor paper they had to sign to guaarntee my rent as obviously at 18 IU was a student and had no income. </p>
<p>While some of this was very hard - looking back most of it was good. Because standing on your own two feet and doing it yourself - is the very first and most basic step in having a succesful career in this business. If your kid wants to do it - they will do it. My advice is don't get actively involved - get passively involved. Listen if they want you to, always be that open ear if they have had a miserable day. Give hugs. Be willing to pay for stuff to a reasonable degree but also let them earn some of it, like use some of their allowance or clean out the shed, etc. NOTHING is for free in this business, the sooner they learn that the better. If they ask for your advice in regards to the business - DON'T give it. You are not qualified and say so - I am your parent, I don't know. Even if you are a pro - you are too biased most of the time (I have seen that scenario go wrong so many times). Get another pro to advise them. Always be positive, say you are proud, well done, I am sure you will be fine, just keep doing your best, etc. Especially - make it clear that you don't CARE whether they are succesful in acting or not, if they do that's great if not, they are still a good person and you love them just as much. It's for THEM not for you. Do always listen and talk about school choices, get clued-up, seem interested, watch shows with them, read this board etc. But let THEM choose the courses. Let THEM approach the subject, don't initiate too many conversations about it. That way, you keep your role as parent very separate. After all saying "I thought that song performance today was no good, you should have done better" and then the next day saying "I love you singing that song" is like petting a dog with a hand that hit it earlier. If that makes sense. You are a parent - not a voice coach, acting instructor, etc. Let someone else take those roles, someone who is qualified.</p>
<p>If they go out partying the night before an audition - don't SAY anthing. It's THEIR loss. And it's their responsibility to look after their voice and their health. Not yours. It's not your job to remind them to stop shouting around so as to save their voice. There is enough information now on the internet and in books to tell you everything and anything you need to know about a career in MT and acting (not just a shameless plug to sell my own book ;)). Let THEM decide what to wear even if you hate the outfit. What time to leave to the audition. In fact, DON'T go along to any of the auditions. If they seem seriously terrified and are dying for you to come well - then they are obviously too young and not ready yet for this business and shouldn't be auditioning in the first place. I realise that some auditions need parental accompaniement if it's out of state, etc. </p>
<p>And unless you are in the business yourself CURRENTLY in a professional manner (actor, director, etc) - DON'T help with audition material. Sure, show them webpages or books that might help them but - let them choose it. If you don't agree with it - DON'T say so. They have to learn for themselves and if they are really willing to do this as a career, they will do the required research and learn from their own mistakes. If they can't even do that - they will never succeed even if they do get into a great MT programme. It's about a LOT more than just graduating from a top MT programme. That's like - step 1 and 5% of the entire deal of being a working actor. It's a very lonely business out there and as horrible as it sounds, you as parents will not be able to help unless you are actively succesful in the business currently. But you CAN help by just being "available". :) And non-judgemental. Be that person they know they can come to for support and comfort that has nothing to do with them as an actor.</p>
<p>If they are unsuccesful at all their auditions and you think you could have prevented that with your help ("if only she had sung the song I recommended, worn the dress I bought for her") - then that's life. Only the toughest and fittest will survive this business. If they give up and crumble at this first hurdle of nothing but rejections from all MT colleges they applied for - then this career was not meant for them. People in the UK try for 3 or 4 years running to get into a good school and spent 3 or 4 years just working, working, working to be able to pay for it all. </p>
<p>I really don't mean to sound discuraging here but sometimes parents helping - is actually hindering the child to make their own decisions and use their own initiative. Please realise I am not directing this at anyone personally. Just a few reflections of my own...hope they are interesting and helpful. :) I understand you are all worried, my parents always were and still are. But they HAVE to go this road alone.</p>