<p>The title says it all. How do you become outgoing, sociable leaders and develop people-skills? </p>
<p>I am usually quite shy unless I'm with very close friends and somehow can't overcome my tendency to never speak up, although I would really like to improve this to become a better leader, make/meet new friends/people, etc. </p>
<p>The problem is, I don't really know how to converse with others and make small talk. For example, during a conversation with somebody I've spoken to before but don't <em>really</em> know, after they say something about themselves (a funny incident or whatever), I usually smile, laugh nervously, say "That's too bad" or "Right..." then quickly glance away or something pathetic like that. So, how do I fix this annoying problem? I've heard "Just practice", but practice what? and "Just be yourself"...but I'm a naturally shy/quiet person....What's the best to way get around this? Thanks for any suggestions!</p>
<p>If you want to be outgoing, etc. then you are not shy or quiet in the inside which is why if people say, "Just be yourself" you should be yourself as in the outgoing person.</p>
<p>Unfortuantly, that advice doesn't get you or anyone else who has been fed that by their mothers anywhere. There are whole concepts that teach you how to become an alpha male (and if you are interested, pm me and I can send you in a good direction)
As for some of your problems:
First of all, you have already told us some of the problems you have by describing what you do.
For one, you say you laugh nervously.
Well don't laugh nervously, you think its funny, then laugh confidently. What people generally flow towards is confidence.
Another you say you quickly glance away or something pathetic like that.. don't glance away, maintain the eye contact you have.</p>
<p>1) Have confidence. Think of yourself as the greatest person. Call it cocky but you know you are a better person than everyone around you.
2) Saying anything is BETTER than awkward silences. Your pathetic look away is awkward.
3) Set some goals. If you don't speak to anyone, how are you going to talk to people? Some magical fairy will automatically grant your wishes or you are hoping they will come to you? Even if it is saying "hi" to someone, that person will consider you for that moment and once you get that down, continue the convo. "Hi hows it going?" - Trust me, unless you have already offended them they will NOT turn you down. If you have already offended them, they will still say "hi" 99.9% of the time unless they don't hear you or for some reason the whole entire world hates you so he/she can't talk to you.</p>
<p>Again these are just a few tips to show how you can appear and feel confident. You have probably gotten tons of advice about this but if you apply some of the ones instead of applying responses like you have been getting "Just be yourself" which don't mean much in a literal sense then you should get somewhere.</p>
<p>I used to be very shy and quiet aswell. it actually took me a long time to get over it. What really helped me is stepping out of my comfort zone and trying things that i normally wouldn't even think of doing. I started by pushing myself to talk more to friends until I got comfortable. Then you push outside of that and reach out to people you don't know personally and make some talk. I did volunteer work at a hospital which was a huge thing for me since i was shy. I was embarassed and kinda scared to pick up the phone or help people, but once i was in the position i HAD to do it. Search for opportunities that will drive you to communicate with a variety of people. </p>
<p>Also what helped me was adjusting my way of thought. Sometimes a lot of things really are just in our minds. I was quiet because I was insecure. Writing a diary helped me view my issues in a 3-D way. It also helped me figure out what I needed to change/work on.</p>
<p>I wanted to change and worked to better myself. If you have determination take all the opportunities thrown at you to become more well rounded. It's awkward and can be uncomfortable, but I think you will be rewarded in the end.</p>
<p>Someone recently told me that I never got nervous. I laughed. If only they knew how nervous I really used to get.</p>
<p>Believe in yourself! If you believe you will change, you will!</p>
<p>wake up every morning and tell yourself its a new day to learn and better yourself.</p>
<p>What it took for me was a three week overnight camp. Nothing like staying up till two (with seven hours of classes the next day) whispering about how you think Harry Potter's going to end and plotting to sneak out around your RC's patrol. Makes me wish I went to boarding school...</p>
<p>But anyway. The point's that you need to consider every opportunity a social one. Those hours and hours of the weekend you're used to homework or hanging with your family/ super good old friends--that's not what you have to use that time for. Get a group together to go to the movies or something. Or just get yourself invited somewhere. You just have to get yourself out of your comfort zone. In a group with your usual friends or at school, when you get nervous, you can just fade back into the woodwork when you get nervous. Get invited bowling with some lukewarm friends, however, and you've got no choice but to laugh loudly about your gutterballs.</p>
<p>Obviously people function with different amounts of alone time and social awkwardness, but reserve those for precious Sunday nights and not the entire weekend or every afternoon. Or try a carpool from an EC or to school or church or whatever. Carpools are so easy--you don't have to have anything in common except a destination, and you have that to talk about if all else fails.</p>