For the first time ever I feel like I have to nag my daughter...

Parents Forum
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<p>OP … I vote with the BACK OFF crowd. Your DD is fine. I also send sympathy, because been there, done that. DD top student (literally, val) We never nagged her to do stuff, we yelled at her to STOP doing stuff and go to bed. Did she pick a college summer after JR. year? NO. Did she look at the common app during the summer? NO. Did she do the summer reading. NO. She needed a break and took it.</p>

<p>She still got into a good school. She didn’t do the summer reading for college much in advance either, but skimmed the book on the plane. She said she’d read more than most of her freshman seminar group. </p>

<p>A driven, great kid like yours CAN go off the rails, but usually I see a flame-out complete change. She is just taking a well-deserved break. </p>

<p>Oh, and my D finished her last college app at 11 pm on the day they were due, leaving me to franticly try to get through the servers to pay. I paid Harvard twice because I wasn’t sure that it got in (and they never sent a refund for the extra. They also rejected DD so now I hate them … jk).</p>

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<p>Maybe the original poster should “nag” the school instead of nagging her daughter. Assigning massive amounts of homework over the summer is abusive. Colleges don’t do this, so neither should high school AP classes.</p>

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<p>Actually, maybe the daughter can learn a great college skill this summer. Sometimes you just do enough to get by because you do not have the time to do it all :)</p>

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<p>One more vote for “back off.” You say she’s been out of school for just two weeks? I think she’s to be commended for having read part of The Odyssey already (geek_son, reading over my shoulder, said, “Dear God, congratulate the girl!”). Let her have some decompression time.</p>

<p>And reading the newspaper – huge waste of time in my book. If critical passage reading is the goal, give her a stack of magazines on a favorite topic. If general vocabulary is the goal, let her read murder mysteries or some other novels she finds interesting (Mary Higgins Clark and Dean Koontz use plenty of “tone” words;)). If she has to have an essay done by 8/18, give her a nudge on 8/1.</p>

<p>College will become more real to her after she’s set foot on some campuses; if she falls for one of them, she will find the motivation to prep for those tests and work on the applications. In the meantime, you can assuage your parental neurosis (which most of us share) by taking on the “executive assistant” role some parents have mentioned here. You might consider making a spreadsheet that lists her ECs – dates participated, hours per week, positions held, awards received. This will help her fill out her applications later. And/or you might ask for her list of colleges and emphasize in the asking that you’re not going to burden her, but you’d like to take some of the burden off her shoulders by getting the deadlines figured out, researching contacts and requirements, and other such administrivia that doesn’t require her “personal touch.” Map out the available test dates based on the college requirements (ACT, SAT retake, SAT subjects?) and the application deadlines (including deadlines for merit aid consideration). Then set a date with her, perhaps at the end of your college visit vacation, to go over the milestones together. She’ll probably appreciate having a roadmap to help make some sense of the application season.</p>

<p>geek_son found the college search process completely overwhelming and mostly didn’t want to look or even think about it in junior year. College meant leaving home, which meant responsibility and the unknown, which made him nervous. He also refused to consider any further standardized testing. Then he fell in love with a college on our summer road trip and became engaged in the process. The difference? He could see himself there. (So could they – he submitted his application ED and was done with the process in December.:))</p>

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<p>It must be nearly unaminous- back off. She’s been doing the work, and successfully.</p>

<p>I do not think AP teachers should even dream of assigning summer work- it ca all easily be done during the assigned school year (around here AP exams are a month before the end of the school year). It is fine to give “suggested” topics for those looking to avoid boredom. The best students don’t need the extra time. Someone made the point about college classes being the 15 weeks plus finals- AP courses are doable in the allotted school year/semester. Students who can’t handle them in the allotted time perhaps should rethink their college ambitions- they won’t have time to do the course’s work before it starts then. </p>

<p>Newspapers now are a lot less worthwhile than years ago- online info is the way to go.</p>

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<p>Some of my college classes hit the ground running as soon as that first class period began back in my day. How was I to know that the professor had a little note on his door that said, “Read Chapter 1 and be ready to discuss on first day of class”? (This was back in the day before email or web sites.)</p>

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<p>I wouldn’t nag about her not reading the daily newspaper. Maybe there are other magazines that she would read instead that would discuss world/national topics. </p>

<p>You can’t expect one summer of “critical reading” to raise scores. In the alternative, maybe going over xiggi vocab lists will have to do.</p>

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<p>One thing I meant to add before… her strength in college applications will be in her twelve years of preparation. Not just her last summer as a kid. Adcoms aren’t going to look at her very solid academic record and say, “Yeeees, BUT! did she read the newspaper last summer?” ;)</p>

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<p>Just raising my hand in agreement with esobay geek-mom and all of those who are advising you to lighten up and listen to your husband. The most important part of your daughters equation here is to raise those SAT scores.</p>

<p>Junior year is over so her admissions profile GPA wise is in place now focus on the SAT prep. Show her what it took SAT wise to get into her favorites and do what you can to help her improve her SAT scores. But be low key. My D did on online course through Petersons and raised her CR by 50 and her Math by 90. She did it on her own time maybe spending a half hour to 45 min at a time. She could have worked harder at it and had even better results but we were pleased with her results the 2nd time around.</p>

<p>The teacher encouraging the students to read a newspaper is fine but as Capt Barbosa said, it’s “…more of a guideline.” Your D clearly knows how to take care of business and has done so beautifully. Enjoy ths summer together and allow her her down time she has earned.</p>

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<p>First, newspapers are written for a rather low level of reader and not the best way to learn vocabulary or fine writing skills in my view. That said, if newspaper reading is a goal, how about making it more interactive? Rather than just read the newspaper, have her see if she can RESPOND to something in the paper and get a letter to the editor published? We never suggested this to our son, but when he was 9, he read an article in our local paper about a teen who was pulled over at the same time as some man driving on a license that had been suspended for four years and the dispatcher or whoever ran the license check for the officers switched the information for the two and the teen ended up spending a night in jail due to it while the other guy was let free. Our son said, “This makes no sense as you have to be 16 to get a license in our state and so there is no way the teen could have been on a license suspended for four years already. How did the officer not realize this given that he had the teen’s birthday information right on the license?” He decided to write a letter to the editor about this, hoping the police might read it and “get a clue” (not that he noted this in his letter) and not put any other innocent teens through such an ordeal. Now when the editor read the letter, she did call the house in disbelief (our son gave his age in his letter, feeling if he could realize the issue at 9, an officer should be able to have caught the lack of logic in thinking a teen would be driving with a license that was suspended for four years, and I think the teen was also only 17, making it all the more obvious, though I am not positive); she said she didn’t believe a child had written it as we live in a very well-educated area (more graduate degrees in the adult population than anywhere else in the USA, I think) and most of her letters to the editor from adults aren’t as well written. Once she heard our son was in college at 9 (he had won awards for his verbal and math SAT scores from a talent search he took part in at age 8 and those scores no doubt helped him to get accepted into college at 8), she believed our son wrote it and went ahead and published it.</p>

<p>If she isn’t into getting published in a newspaper, maybe she would like to play “editor” and see how many errors (logical, grammatical, spelling, factual, whatever) she can find. You could make a game of it and see who can find the most errors in 30 minutes or something.</p>

<p>You could try putting newspapers in the bathrooms. People often read what is left in bathrooms, especially if they see something marked (highlighted, cut out, whatever).</p>

<p>Have you tried reading articles to her at breakfast or lunch, or discussing them at dinner? Rather than just read them straight through, pause at times where you have feelings on what you are reading yourself and ask questions about her own thoughts on the material. If this isn’t just a chore to do on her own but something where people are getting to know one another better and learn from one another, it could be more enjoyable for her. The key is really to have reading be something enjoyable to her such than she <em>wants</em> to do it rather than something she is feeling she <em>has</em> to do.</p>

<p>You can also ask her to put herself in the parent role and ask, “If you had a child whom you felt would benefit greatly from reading the newspaper, what would you do to try to help your child have an interest in reading the newspaper?”</p>

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<p>Absolutely…because once senior year starts, the fun REALLY begins. Besides keeping up grades that first semester (since they will be sent later to many schools), there’s time consuming ECs (by now, they may be in leadership positions in their ECs, so that adds time) and all of the stuff that goes with applying to colleges–interviews, filling out applications, testing, getting letters of recommendations, scheduling interviews, writing those pesky essays, etc. </p>

<p>My kids found 1st semester senior year to be the most stress-filled, mind numbing, grinding experience of their lives so far (they’re young). I told them to keep their heads down and grit their way through it–realizing that the work will be all over by January 1. </p>

<p>So, I agree–rest up and gain some strength for the long road to come. Save your ammo for more important things coming up this fall.</p>

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<p>To the OP–you’re only a little over a year away from being unable to do <em>any</em> oversight of her school work. Best let her get in the habit of taking responsibility for when/whether she does her school assignments.</p>

<p>Your DD sounds like an awesome young lady. Really, you should count your blessings.</p>

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<p>My son never read the newspaper either - but always seemed informed thanks to his reading on the internet. I think the teacher’s assignment was very 1990s - and I don’t blame your daughter for blowing it off… </p>

<p>Seems to me that she is doing just fine. If you want to encourage her to be more up to date with world events, talk about them with her. If she is interested, she’ll read up on it - but probably on the internet rather than a newspaper.</p>

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<p>Trust the job you’ve done rearing your daughter. She will do what needs to be done to achieve her goals.</p>

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<p>Consider this your chance to start backing off of the parental oversight role. </p>

<p>My very capable daughter just finished her senior year and my major regret was the time I wasted nagging her about college applications and deadlines. It soured our relationship and they ended up getting done on her time line, not mine. Everything got done and she did very well in the end. She needed to be in control, a lesson I keep needing to relearn. Enjoy her while you can, the time will go much too quickly!</p>

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<p>Newspapers have day old news. Kids who are online these days rarely read newspapers. Like others have said, pull back and kid the kid some space. Your Hubby is right. Find something else to worry about besides your D.</p>

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<p>Neither of mine ever started doing summer assignments until the calendar said August.
Let her have some fun. She’ll pull together in the end.</p>

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<p>Okay, first of all, this is the same teacher she had for Honor American Lit. last year and she really likes her. A VERY well-liked instructor who most Valedictorians can’t praise enough in their speeches. The AP summer work isn’t a big concern. My D was in something called the Humanities Academy in Freshman and Soph. years, as well as Honors American Lit. last year. They also had a lot of summer reading/essays. So, she’s very used to it. </p>

<p>My issues are more about COLLEGE prep, in general. It seems that up until now she’s been so focused on getting into a good college. It could be that it’s more apparent during the school year when the teachers and counselors are drumming it into them. I realize that it’s summer and it’s normal to slack off a bit. And, up until this summer I never even brought up her assignments. It’s only because THIS is the summer that seems more important with all the college-stuff in ADDITION to the regular AP work. The newspaper-reading is just advice I read on CC as a way to improve CR scores. Then to see her teacher encourage it, I figured they must be on to something.</p>

<p>The thing is, she intends to apply to schools which expect higher numbers. USC, UC Davis, UCLA, Cal Poly, University of the Pacific. And, the only reason she’s applying to Stanford is because my husband is an alumnus and I think she’s just humoring the grandparents. :slight_smile: She knows it’s a far reach, but what the heck. :slight_smile: But, even the other schools, especially with the economy and lower enrollment, want to see higher test scores. I realize that there isn’t always a cookie-cutter rule for who they accept…but I’m just going by what I’ve been seeing here and elsewhere. Oh, and D really wants to apply to WashU-St. Louis. Now how does she think she’ll manage THAT if she doesn’t improve her scores? I suppose I’m just concerned that she’s decided to take the easier route and not aim as high anymore. </p>

<p>So, that’s what my concern is. Hey, if she just wanted to go to one of the CSUs, it would be no problem. I’m not saying there aren’t some decent schools among those…but she’s been on a UC-track all along. Cal Poly, while a state school, is in a different category. Not to mention that it has a great Kinesiology Individualized Course of Study Concentration in Occupational Therapy (she wants to go to OT grad school.) Most of the CSUs are commuter schools, as well. I know she’s looking for the traditional college experience where dorm-life is big.</p>

<p>Anywaaaay, that’s the reason for my nervousness. Yep, it will ultimately be her choice. If she wants to be accepted to one of these schools, it will be up to her to make the effort to do what it takes. But, hey, I’m not going to lie and say that I would be disappointed if she allows her motivation to slip NOW, especially after all the hard work she’s put in the past number of years.</p>

<p>She took the ACT with one day notice (her h.s school test center was full, so she hadn’t studied.) Turns out the proctor told her dad, a fellow math colleague, that he had a space for her if she wanted to take it. It was the next morning. She didn’t even bother to study, figuring she’d be taking it again, anyway. Her score was 28, but I don’t know the breakdown. I would think with more practice she could get 30 or more. </p>

<p>Bottom line for me: I will do my BEST to stop bugging her. :)</p>

<p>And now the latest is she wants to work 2nd semester and next summer to save up to go to Europe and take a GAP year! Oh glory. I know this is something she and her good friend (who loves to dream) are cooking up, so we’re taking it with a grain of salt. But, she has it all ‘planned’: She’ll enroll and defer admission for a year. She already plans to be an Occupational Therapist, she said. So, she can get into an accelerated BS/MS-OT program the following year. HUH? That’s all fine, but I reminded her that first she needs to get INTO a school and who knows if that particular college will defer enrollment??? At least she just get an undergrad degree somewhere first if she doesn’t get into a 3+2 program. But, STILL. A GAP year??? We’re choosing to ignore this “plan” right now. :)</p>

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<p>calmom had replied:</p>

<p>2Leashes… your husband is right. Your daughter is doing fine and you should lay off.</p>

<p>I’m sure your daughter will be able to identify good fit colleges in the fall and get her applications in on time. Her SAT scores are fine for many colleges, and if she doesn’t really enjoy reading all that much, she probably would’t be happy at the hyper-competitive colleges where she would need higher scores, in any case. </p>

<p>My advice: find some other outlet for your time. I think the AP teacher’s expectations are unreasonable, but even if not, this is a matter between the teacher and your daughter.</p>

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<p>I know this sounds strange, but English is what she does BEST in. She has As across the board on her assignments and has brought home an A+ every year. These have been Intensive and Honors classes. I know she can handle AP English fine. And as I said, she already knows this teacher and it’s obvious she can do the work. She got an A in AP Bio and APUSH, so AP classes, in general, aren’t her problem.</p>

<p>As for low SAT CR scores, this is what is frustrating. It’s obviously apparent that a student can pull off an easy A in intensive language arts classes and still not do as well on timed tests. I feel that not enjoying reading all these years is coming back to bite her. Oh sure, she managed to do just fine in Honors American Lit. and what’s that about? READING. (writing, too.) So, she apparently can retain what she’s read. But, like a lot of these classes, you do the work expected of you, get the grade and then forget about it. In other words, just because someone does well in a particular subject, doesn’t necessarily mean they enjoy it or put much effort into it outside of what’s expected of them in class. So something like a timed SAT could easily throw them off.</p>

<p>Who knows.:)</p>

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<p>Marian posted:</p>

<p>Either my kids require more nagging than yours, or I’m just a natural nagger. Probably both.</p>

<p>But on those occasions when one of them has shown unusual resistance to my reminders, there has usually turned out to be some specific reason for it. Often, that reason was not obvious to me – and in some cases, it wasn’t obvious to the kid, either, until we sat down and talked about it for a while.</p>

<p>In this case, I wonder whether your daughter’s resistance to the summer assignments and to your reminders about them might reflect a change of heart about whether to take AP English. Might she think – especially given her relatively low CR score – that a standard non-AP 12th grade English class would be a better choice for her? And if she does think that, perhaps she might want to call the guidance department at her high school (they’re usually open most of the summer – except, perhaps, for a two- or three-week period when the staff takes their vacations) and see whether she can get her schedule changed.</p>

<p>As for the SAT, I suspect that she may be dealing with her own reaction to her SAT scores, which are relatively low in comparison to her GPA. It’s quite possible that she thinks that her scores cannot be significantly improved – and she may be right. If that’s the case, she may be rethinking her college selections and realizing that some of the schools she aspired to are likely to be out of reach. That’s a lot for a young person to process.</p>

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<p>Thank you, Sax. You put it into perspective in a very thoughtful and simple way. In fact, you echo my husband. I will take everything you said to heart.</p>

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<p>Sax has typed:</p>

<p>2leashes. Here is what you said.</p>

<p>Daughter is a straight A student in honors, accelerated and AP classes.</p>

<p>She is self directed and motivated.</p>

<p>Her AP English teacher has given her a tremendous amount of summer work to compete which you know she will finish.</p>

<p>She is completeing an on line health class through BYU this summer.</p>

<p>She has begun reading the Odyssey.</p>

<p>Your daughters good friends are socializing more this summer.</p>

<p>Your daughters good friend got a higher SAT score than she did.</p>

<p>Your daughter passed up a number of social events during her junior year to stay home and study.</p>

<p>You want your daughter to read more to increase her CR score.</p>

<p>You plan on some college visits this summer.</p>

<p>2leashes. She is doing fine. Really. She needs a break before she gets thrown back into her senior year. She really does. I get tense just reading what she has to do for english class. The teacher should realize these kids need time this summer to think about college choices. I’m glad I’m not your daughter. Let her have a breather. </p>

<p>The easiest and fastest way to increase the cr score is to use flash cards for the vocab. that is on the test. Leave them in the car.</p>

<p>Good luck. I don’t mean to sound harsh but I feel bad for this kid.</p>

<p>I also agree with Marians take on her average SAT score and view of herself. I think this shows she has to work very hard for the grades she has. Good for her. She will do great in college</p>