For Those of You Who Got Accepted: REMEMBER

Applying to College
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<p>To the students that got accepted into your dream schools, top schools, or even a school you're just plain happy to be let into - </p>

<p>First of all, congratulations. You worked so hard and deserve this completely. You spent late nights on caffeine, finishing assignments, stressing over tests until you thought you'd rip your hair out, working diligently on community projects, trying to juggle family, social, academic and extracurriculars in the crazy period called adolescence.</p>

<p>Sadly, tens of thousands of people just like you were rejected, denied and left out in the cold, watching you with pride but also perhaps envy and sadness.</p>

<p>REMEMBER THIS - You are extremely, extremely lucky. Do not take your acceptances for granted. Of course you mean your classmates no harm, and you deserved to get in, but take into account how many people were not as lucky as you. </p>

<p>When you talk to your friends, be sensitive and try not to brag. Try not to lament the travesty of choosing between Yale and Rice. Listen to them, accept them. Don't criticize them or belitte their lack of crisp white packages. Encourage and support them. Remind them they're loved and appreciated, and they'll do amazing things no matter where they go in life.</p>

<p>I've seen many people, on this forum, at my school, etc. forget how lucky they are. They relentlessly quiz each other on where they got in, listing off schools, carelessly sighing and bemoaning their lack of Ivy acceptances. They ponder how "huge" the acceptance pools are in schools they deem less than prestigous. When you tell them your stats, your lack of luck, they look at you, surprised for a second, and return to their moaning.</p>

<p>Of course, these people are few and far between. You have every right to talk about your acceptances, to feel proud.</p>

<p>Most successful friends are very understanding and feel grateful, but even the humblest of friends can forget. It's not a criticism of you, those who were accepted. It is simply a reminder to take a step back, consider those around you, and think before you speak. It will not only soothe your friends and classmates, but it will allow you to further appreciate your great success.</p>

<p>So again, congratulations to you class of 2012. Be very grateful, and enjoy!</p>

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<p>This really sums up how I was feeling about people bragging about their schools. I know people get all excited when they talk about getting into their dream schools, and sometimes they do it a little too much.</p>

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<p>im glad that you wrote this because i have seen this happen and i did not like it at all and i suspect that some members of cc might do this...</p>

<p>yea some do it on accident but i know that others are doing it on purpose.</p>

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<p>It's a sensitive time for a lot of people.</p>

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<p>im glad you wrote this too, someone very hard working, deserving, and stressed out can be rejected and it makes them feel REALLY bad. its frustrating when you know you are as hard working and maybe even want it more, but the other person had more opportunities, alumni affiliation, better HS, or more popular so better leadership positions. in the end, two people can be very similar but one just happened to have a little push and sold themselves better.</p>

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<p>
[quote]
in the end, two people can be very similar but one just happened to have a little push and sold themselves better.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>Once you get past a certain point it's a total lottery that doesn't have anything to do with the actions of either similar applicant.</p>

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<p>maybe worse are kids who got in, and are now discovering that they will have to decline the offer because finaid just isn't enough. "I got accepted, but....." is a hard story to have to tell, too.</p>

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<p>A lot of the time, acceptances are not necessarily based upon academic merit. After getting into Stanford, some people at my school automatically believed that they were now superior in intelligence, compared to those who may have been rejected. They may not have verbalized that, but it was apparent that they felt that way. I mean, the only people at my HS who got in were either URM's or legacies (in some cases, double or even triple legacies). IMO, had they not had this special push, none of them would have been qualified enough for Stanford. They certainly should not be the ones bragging about their acceptance.</p>

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<p>Americanbeauty23, beautifully written. Thank you.</p>

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<p>yes, thank you!!!! I couldn't have said it better myself. I got reemed last time around for saying that maybe it might be sensative to wait a day or two before you parade around in your new college tshirt, because others are feeling pretty raw...the response was kind of scary- that your "right" to wear the shirt surpassed anyone's feelings at the time, that if they got rejected, so what!! I was shocked, as if it was some sort of terrible thing to consider waiting a couple of days so that the shock would wear off....</p>

<p>and on this site, I see "veiled" bragging all the time</p>

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<p>I think there's a big difference between running around saying things to rejected students like like, "OMG! My life is in ruins! I have to decide between Vanderbilt, Harvard, Princeton, Yale, Stanford and Emory," and immediately after acceptance wearing a T-shirt of the college that admitted you.</p>

<p>I agree with those who say that wearing the T-shirt is perfectly fine. After all, after championship games (including at the high school level), the losers have to immediately congratulate the winners, and the losers may also have to speak to the media about why they lost. Even in beauty contests, when the winner is announced, she immediately gets her sash and crown and gets to parade around while the other contestants remain on camera.</p>

<p>One can celebrate one's own successes without trampling over the feelings of others.</p>

<p>Wearing a T-shirt of a college that admitted you right after they admitted you: Fine. </p>

<p>Announcing that since you got into Harvard, you won't have to endure the "pain" of going to "dreadful" state U (which was the dream school of some rejected classmates) is insensitive and boorish. </p>

<p>Also, there are people who years after their rejection from their dream schools still will cringe at the memory of that school. Should no one wear that school's T-shirts?</p>

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<p>I think what citygirlsmom was suggesting is that you can be careful at how much you advertise your school acceptance if you know students around you are getting their letters. Of course there's nothing wrong with it, it can go both ways. :)</p>

<p>I'm SOOO proud of my friends but I am so grateful for their support. One of my good friends even waited a few weeks to tell me she was accepted into her dream school. She didn't need to...I was completely happy for her! But I was appreciative and a little moved.</p>

<p>Citygirlsmom, I know how it can be. People can be too easily offended, especially those who think this side of the story is aimed at snubbing them/accusing them of being undeserving.</p>

<p>That's so sweet, skygirl, thank you!</p>

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<p>A HS senior. recently asked Dr. Joyce Brothers a similiar question when the student got in early decision; "How should I behavior without coming off as a braggart or condescending?" </p>

<p>Dr. JB replied that to downplay or dismiss the acceptence would come off disingenuinous so her suggestion was for the student to acknowledge it, say thanks and console unfortunate classmates with "I got lucky/the process is so random/ (You didn't get in...)that's totally insane"</p>

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<p>i still don't know where to go: berkeley or UCSD :( soo hard</p>

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<p>Thank you so much for posting this! I agree that this is a sensitive time for many people; many who didn't get accepted to their dream school may have been dreaming of going to that school since early child hood. This really is a time of crushed ambition and shattered hopes for many.</p>

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<p>personally, i was guilty of advertising my school acceptance, i strapped on a key chain and a phone charm with my school crest on it, called up all my best frens, and would have certainly paraded in my T (if not for the fact that my school didnt give me a free T and i didnt buy one when i visited coz i didnt think would get in)</p>

<p>dont get me wrong now, i'm quite diplomatic and sensitive by nature (if i do say so myself) i.e. thinking twice before i speak to avoid hurting others, always adopting a conciliatory approach....but even so, i couldnt hold myself back, i swear i could have punched a hole in the wall at that moment</p>

<p>on hindsight and after reading am23's post regarding her fren, i should have waited for a while before "advertising", not because i feel that i should be sensitive towards others, but because i treasure my frens</p>

<p>disappointment is part and parcel of life, as long as i don't "over-do" it, i see no need for me (and its impossible) to consistently cater to all the feelings of envy and disappointment that are ever-present (in me, in you, in anybody who has been outperformed)</p>

<p>do it if you treasure your frens, but apart from that u're not anymore obliged to tone down compared to the rich dude who drives around campus in his ferrari, or the victorious athlete who thrusts his fist into the air and kisses the trophy</p>

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<p>The worst I did was tell everyone (teachers, that is) that I got in the day after decisions came out...if people wanna know where I'm going, I tell them. However, it's not something I brag about.</p>

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<p>"The worst I did was tell everyone (teachers, that is) that I got in the day after decisions came out"</p>

<p>Telling teachers and your GC right away is something good to do. It never ceases to amaze me how many students don't bother telling their successes to the people who took the time to wrote their recommendations. The teachers and GC do care about what happens.</p>

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<p>Well the other part of the story is getting into your dream school and not being able to go because of finances....</p>

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<p>It honestly never occurred to me that my kids shouldn't wear their shirts. For us it was really just exciting and fun for the whole family. We were very sensitive to our childs close friend who got rejected from all but a safety school. In fact, I was so proud of the whole group of friends who were very sensitive to this disappointed student after decisions came out. I would like to add this student was quite smug and boa****l about where he would go to college for many months. He had all the stats, but was disappointed in the end. The friends were surprised, but supportive and sad for him. They didn't talk about acceptances in front of him, but did wear hats and t shirts to school. All these friends were in the top ten percent of their class, but had more realistic lists of schools. When our kids played youth sports my husband and I saw this coming when adults said all kids had to have trophys win or lose. We protested but nobody saw the value that sometimes you win and sometimes you lose. And our kids were never on a winning team, we just felt it sent the wrong message.</p>