One of my college roommates has been involved in CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocates) where you mentor kids in foster care. It might be option. She wrote a novel about it which would definitely give you a sense of what the job is like. The novel is structured as a series of documents that are clearly based on the actual paperwork you’d be dealing with. Gershun’s first novel takes readers on journey through child welfare system - Kansas City Jewish Chronicle
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My mother fostered kids long after she retired. When she signed up and completed the required classes she requested to foster ‘those kids who no one wants. The most troubled. The ones who will age out of the system with no support. Bring me those kids.’ and ‘those kids’ she got. At one point she had 2 almost 16 year old boys, one of which had a backstory so horrifying I actually worried for my mom and her husband (and I refused to let her visit me with him, because at the time my own child was 10 and I didn’t want him to know exactly where I lived). But by the time that young man turned 18 and aged out of the system he had turned his life around 180* - when he came to her at 16 he had barely a 6th grade education, and she got him into school and helped him graduate high school in less than 2 years. She helped him discover his passions (building things) and his one wish in his young life - to own a dog - so she reached out to dog rescues and rescued a one-eyed senior dog that no one wanted (yes, my mother had a “thing” for the unwanted) - and had this young man become the sole caregiver (with her guidance of course) of this dog. Brings to mind the adage “who rescued who.” He wanted to build things so my mom gave him a (very) small budget and an 8’x8’ space to design and build himself a workshop - and a workshop he built, almost all from castoffs he found or scavenged from yard sales. I’ll finish this story by telling you he’s now in his late 30s, became a social worker, and is a (more than) contributing member of society. I believe he would not have survived without my mom’s guidance. She died before he even turned 20, and I was worried he might fall way back, but he didn’t, in fact he said “I’m going to make Mom proud” - I think my (our) mom would be proud.
If fostering is in your field of vision, give it a try. You may just be that one spark of hope for a kid that has none. Good luck. Really.
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I am sharing this post with my daughter. She wants to adopt an older kid that noone else wants. I think she has the personality and strength and heart for this, but I also think it is potentially very very difficult. She is not at all naive.
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Eyes wide open…
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I wonder whether many former foster children end up being foster parents.
I’m sure you will find a wide range of stories from very positive to very negative.
A very positive one: a woman friend/colleague and her wife have had no children of their own. Both in their mid- late 50’s I’d say. After being married a couple of years they decided to start fostering. They started with teens - both girls I think. Not saying it was all bunnies and rainbows but they really connected with these girls and they have had them long term. Additionally more recently (during COVID) they have had 2 young girls - like preschool age. I understand they are now in the process to fully adopt them. I suspect they are wonderful parents and have the physical and emotional space to become a family.
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I think the church program I attended a few years ago about advocate opportunities was probably CASA. It seemed like a great way to help make a difference. But even that is probably beyond my level of skills / commitment. I’m encouraged that there are people will do step up and help.
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I don’t think any CASA is legal representation. Most CASA volunteers are not lawyers, and the parties, including the children, all have lawyers -the GAL, the parents’ lawyers, the county attorney or district attorney. The CASA’s job is to make sure the kids don’t fall through the cracks, visit with the children, check in with schools, other parties, the SW, make sure they have medical care if needed. I provided some transportation to visits, to therapy, but mostly to get the siblings together as that was difficult during covid. It was hard for me, as a lawyer, to stay out of the legal parts of the case (OMG I wanted to tell the others how to do their jobs!). The reports about the kids are to give a picture to the court of who the kids are, what they want (or don’t want), to report on their school progress and their living situations. The fun part was playing with the kids.
All CASA organizations are different, but mine has 4 different programs: traditional, tutoring, truancy prevention (which is usually requested by a school and not the court) and ‘legacy’ which is the older youth transitioning to independent living. Some groups might just have the traditional program of working with kids who are somehow involved in the court system. Different programs have different expected hours per week with the tutoring program being as low as 1-2 hours per week. Depending on the age of the kids, a lot of the work can be done on the phone (checking in with the kids, schools, SW). During covid, all court appearances were done on a zoom-like program. That saved a ton of time and our court is going to continue to hold hearings online when possible. (a good thing learned because of covid).
The head of my CASA agency was a foster child as a teen. The first SW assigned to the case had been in foster care.
I think it is common for those who were in the system to want to work in the system. It certainly gives them a perspective I don’t have.
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Wow. What a wonderful story.
I told a version of this story at my mom’s memorial service - I was surprised how many of her friends didn’t realize he was a foster. My mom never bragged about what she was doing she simply encouraged and raised.
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Another vote for CASA!
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A friend was volunteering at a drop in center for teens living on the street. He developed a particular bond with one young man and ended up adopting him. It worked out really well for both of them but having a family member who was a foster parent for over a decade, my sense is that the happy ending stories are in the minority. But yes eyes (and heart) wide open!
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I think it may depend on what you consider happy endings. Are the endings perfect? No, but the family is often better than they would have been without foster care, without CASA, without volunteer tutors. Graduating from hs can be a success story, even if going to college might be better. Knowing that a teen mother is safely taking care of her child is a success even if preventing the teen pregnancy would have been better.
I do think the family I worked with is better off for my help. The kids were in separate homes and I was able to arrange about one visit per month at the start of covid, visits they wouldn’t have had otherwise. The foster mother was able to get their education programs on track. One child repeated second grade and that was absolutely the right choice for her. They had a year away from their family, and that was hard, but they had a lot of experiences they wouldn’t have had (vacations, swim lessons, riding a horse, church group).
Did I ‘save’ them? No. Did I change their lives? I don’t know. They now all go to school everyday, they have a schedule of time with their mother and their father, they feel more secure in their living situation and know who to ask for help if they need it. The goal was reunification and they are happy to be with their family again. Goal reached.
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Oh my. These stories are so touching. JustaMom- what an incredible difference your mother made! Also your friends, abasket, gardenstategal, mathmom, and kbm770. And through your work, twoinanddone (also thanks for the clarification on the scope of CASA).
Kbm770 thanks for the mention of the mentoring organization. That sounds incredibly delicate, though, working with entire families (although I imagine in some cases fostering also must involve careful work with the families…)
This is all so inspiring and informative. Much to explore and ponder.
(I’ll be remembering the story of your mom for a long while, JustaMom…)
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The mentoring piece is entirely voluntary, FYI! Their focus is on caring for kids until reunification (and the rate is around 95%). Best of luck to you—I’m sure your good intentions will lead you to the right opportunity for your family.
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@twoinanddone – yours DO sound like happy ending stories by any measure.
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Another CASA volunteer here. I’ve been doing it since my nest became empty. I do feel like I make a difference, but the system is VERY frustrating. The case I have now is about to end with the 3 young siblings being adopted by an amazing empty nest family. They’ve known they wanted to adopt for years, and now can’t imagine having a quiet house again. They (and the children) are thrilled.
I have a friend who has volunteered with Boys and Girls club for years. She has become the college expert and helps dozens of disadvantaged students go to college every year. She helps them with applications, financial aid, scholarships, essays, etc. – anything they need.
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Why foster rather than adopt? (Unless you’re looking for a shorter time commitment?)
My youngest was a CASA volunteer. She went in with high hopes but found the experience frustrating. In her case she and some of her fellow volunteers felt it wasn’t the organization but the person running their local program. The training was pretty intensive and she enjoyed a lot of the professionals they brought in. She said in her training group they had over a 50% attrition rate.
She did it for about a year until the child was returned to the mother. She would pick the child up and they would spend the afternoon together. Examples of things they enjoyed- fruit stands, park,getting together with another volunteer and sibling. My D took her CASA to the library and it was the child’s first time at a library. My D did attend school conferences and court proceedings.
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