<p>OK....I am clueless about the whole Frat thing. If you are rushing more than one frat, how does the whole bid thing work? What happens after the bid? I need a quick course.</p>
<p>Assuming by "frat" you mean men's social fraternities. </p>
<p>Usually they hold open house parties for a week. These are (or should be) regulated, no alcohol. Stuff like barbeques, wall climbing, games of different sorts, live bands, etc. They advertise around campus to get as many people to come out as possible. You are almost guaranteed no bid the first night you come to a frat. They just won't do it. Maybe the second + time around. They want to know you are somewhat interested before offering a bid. Usually they'll take a guy off somewhere (private) and offer him a bid- a letter/card inviting him to pledge. He can accept on the spot or later. When he accepts he becomes a pledge. Do not expect as much courting behavior after you become a pledge. That's when the harder work begins.</p>
<p>In frats, the rush process is easy and the pledge process is grueling. In sororities that is more or less the opposite.</p>
<p>There's a lot of secret traditions to fraternities so I'm not an expert; just going on what I've learned from my own. High time management expectations, but mostly it's of a productive sort- not just a bunch of wild partying. Stuff like learning all about the history and traditions, attending leadership/education "classes", bonding with your pledge brothers by attending retreats, attending annual national seminars (perhaps) out of town (sometimes 6 to 8 hours out of town), mandatory weeknight "study hall" (believe it or not), weekend community service, house clean-ups/painting/maintenance, getting to know every brother in the fraternity (i.e. memorize name, hometown, etc...).</p>
<p>It has been a good experience for my son. There are so many flavors of frats, though. If your son is doing the rush process, remind him that they aren't all the same so if he has a bad experience at one or two, it isn't indicative of the whole group.</p>
<p>At my school I guess it's a little different. They do have rush parties for about a week, but I doubt there is more than one or two without alcohol. I went to several rush parties (although I never intended to and do not intend to join a frat) and all had alcohol. If they like you they'll invite you to a private party at the end of the week (I got invited but did not go) and then they hand out official bids on sunday or monday, going from dorm to dorm.</p>
<p>Pledging is hell. My roommate did pledge and while he didn't tell me some of the stuff they did (he wasn't supposed to tell me anything) I do know that it was very, very rough. Near the end they had to sleep out in a shed all week, getting woken up every once and a while to drink or run laps or both. Lots of alcohol was consumed and they had to go get the frat brother cigs or whatever else they wanted at a moments notice. He (and everyone else I know that pledged) thinks it was worth it though. Not all frats are like that, of course, that's just the only one I have real second-hand experience with.</p>
<p>Yes, my S is in the process of rushing. I am wondering if I should encourage or discourage him from going through with it and the pledge process. I certainly wouldn't want him to go through anything that chuy described. He does have some medical considerations, so I wouldn't want him to do anything that would jepardize his health.</p>
<p>Depends on the school and the frat. There are frats that don't force pledges to drink or anything. That was just one.</p>
<p>How do you find out which Frats are like that and which aren't? I don't think the members like to give out details about the pledge process to the rushees.</p>
<p>Well, if there are massive quantities of alcohol at the rush parties (160 cases at one this year) you know pledging is going to be rough. If they're all dry rushes it'll probably be less rough. You can usually get a feel for the frat and they're tendencies at rush events, that's the point of them.</p>
<p>Chuy- were those on campus or off campus rush parties?</p>
<p>Lets say rush week starts this Thursday and goes until next Thursday. The house has to be dry between then. No alcohol, anywhere. And believe me, they're are some really anal kids on our IFC (interfraternity council...they enforce the dry rush policy). We like to rush kids during the summer, take them on trips and all that stuff. Usually the kids we liked during summer rush will get a bid the first or second night. Most places nowadays have a 100% policy. Meaning if one brother doesn't like you...you won't get a bid. In those cases, at least with my fraternity, we like to pull the kid aside and let him know so he can rush elsewhere.</p>
<p>We get all the preferences/medical conditions from the rushees themselves. If we don't know about it, your kid didn't tell us. I'm part of a fraternity that likes to party a lot, but there are about 5 brothers or so and don't drink at all. It's not a problem with us, and this could vary from fraternity to fraternity. The best thing is for your son to ask a lot of questions, talk to as many brothers as possible because thats the only way for us (and him) to judge if he'll fit into our fraternity. </p>
<p>Pledging also varies from fraternity to fraternity. Most schools have strict "no-hazing" policies and fraternities tend to watch their back because any pledge who becomes dissatisfied can go off and tell the administration whats going on. There's going to be the basic pledge duties wherever your son goes: cleaning, being there at lunch and dinner, doing stuff for brothers (its nothing, 98% of the time its a brother asking a pledge to run out to his car and get something before he goes down for dinner), learning the traditions and history behind the fraternity, getting quizzed on the traditions and history, pledge retreats (lots of fun), setting up for parties, cleaning up parties. Definitely not what you see in movies and all the horror stories that people tell me. </p>
<p>The biggest thing is just to see where he fits and what the guys are like, all of us are different. If someone pledges a fraternity where he doesn't really fit in, odds are he'll have it the roughest of all his pledge brothers. It's a good time and if he's somewhere that he likes and that likes him you won't have to worry.</p>
<p>What is the benefit of being in a frat?</p>
<p>Why would anybody allow themselves to be subjected to such nasty behavior and expectations in order to be a part of a frat?</p>
<p>Why would anybody want to be a part of a group that would treat people in such a humiliating and demeaning manner?</p>
<p>Tell me, please. I'm clueless.</p>
<p>I don't see whats nasty about being in a fraternity. I wouldn't call anyone my brother who made treated me in a humiliating or demeaning manner.</p>
<p>Benefits? Here's a couple:</p>
<p>Of course the parties. When you go to a school like mine, most of the people with social skills are greek. </p>
<p>Higher gpa. Usually the same at most colleges, interfraternity councils will regulate chapter gpa's making sure they are up to par. In our case, all fraternities need a 2.5 cumulative gpa or you go on social probation. </p>
<p>Cheaper, and better housing. I could pay 9k a year to live in the dorms or pay 6k (which includes dues) to live in a mansion with people I like. </p>
<p>You have you're entire chapter behind your back, plus alumni. My chapter's alumni is extremely supportive (and extremely successful). At alumni banquets, kids get job offers from Presidents and CEOs of some pretty big companies.</p>
<p>Benefits- a place to go that's comfortable, where there are people who are like "family" to hang with. Not having to look for entertainment all the time. On large campuses, a fraternity will make your world smaller. Frats also tend to encourage their members toward high achievement and representation in the school government and other organizations. You can also get leadership experience within the frat itself. Mixers with sororities. </p>
<p>If there is alcohol during rush parties, they are not allowed off-campus parties. Either that or there is absolutely no fraternity regulation on your campus. On campuses where there is good oversight, it is, if anything, more likely that a frat will get in trouble for having alcohol at a party than any other "group" of kids. All a student has to do is tell on them ("I got drunk at the Zeta house last night") and they're toast. If a pledge turns a frat in for hazing him during pledging, they're toast.</p>
<p>As far as finding out which frats are good news and which are bad news...ask you son. If your relationship is such that he would join up with a bunch of low-life pigs, and tell you they're a bunch of great guys, there's your problem. He's just as likely to join a non-frat group of low-lifes if those are the type of people he wants to hang out with. I've seen a lot of parents forbid their sons to join frats out of fear they would get involved with the wrong one, only to result in their son befriending a bunch of non-frat party animals and spending his days getting high and skipping classes. Point is, you know your son better than anyone else. Tell him never under any circumstances to do anything that humiliates himself, never to allow others to humiliate him, never to do anything that puts himself in danger, never to drink to excess (for many college guys, telling them to never touch a drop is pretty unrealistic), to treat women with respect and admiration, etc...</p>
<p>Not all frats "do bad things". Just like there are teams that do stupid things, there are frats that do also. You just can't paint them all with the same brush because there are some bad apples.</p>
<p>Slightly off-topic, but since the title of this thread is "Frat 101," then I guess the basics are in order...</p>
<p>When my H and I were in college several decades ago, the term "frat" was never used by greeks, as it was considered derogatory. H tells me that part of his pledging process even included training that the fraternity always be referred to as the "fraternity" and not the "frat." I was in a sorority, and we never used the term "frat" either. Perhaps this has changed (?) </p>
<p>Also, I noted this in another thread, but I recommend to OP that she seek advice from people who were actually in sororities and fraternities when looking for accurate info. Outsiders and parents who were not greeks rarely have an accurate picture of the experience, and their views are usually negative. With rare exception, most greeks who post in this forum had a positive and meaningful experience (but of course, nothing is ever perfect!)</p>
<p>Bay,
Interesting what you said about the use of the word Frat. I didn't know that! I was not in a sorority so as an outsider we used the word frat. I'll have to ask my sons if it's considered a no-no.</p>
<p>When I was in school, people referred to greeks as "sorority sue's" and "fratty-baggers". I do know that those weren't particularly flattering terms.</p>
<p>I agree about being an insider/outsider. As an outsider, I "learned" all the bad stuff about greeks. I actually had a pretty bad attitude about greeks myself. In general, they weren't held in very high regard by non-greeks. Now that my kids are doing the fraternity thing, I'm getting a totally different (pleasantly different) picture.</p>
<p>It kind of reminds me of the UF/FSU thread running concurrently. Some people just don't like big U's, just like some people just don't like fraternities. Doesn't mean that big U's and fraternities are all the same, or are inappropriate for all students.</p>
<p>My husband and I were greek at a big state university. It was a very positive experience for both of us. There was no hazing and no humiliation. The drinking age at that time was 18, so there was alcohol at the fraternity parties, but no one was forced to drink, even during rush or pledging. </p>
<p>Our oldest son had absolutely no interest in rushing. Our youngest is attending rush events now, but says he probably won't pledge. We asked each to consider it, since it was such a great experience for us, and they are free to make their own decisions.</p>
<p>Back in the day, at my college that banned fraternities and sororities, we shared stories from other campuses, to reassure ourselves that we weren't missing much.</p>
<p>The one I recall came from the Chicago area, where a student rushed but was blackballed for having the wrong label in his raincoat (Sears and Roebuck). One of the brothers was assigned to check the coat labels during the interviews. </p>
<p>Sad for them, since the student was John Roebuck, heir to the dynasty.</p>
<p>another angle to consider is what's the difference between a dorm and fraternity? again, answer will vary with each and every college. in my day, the difference was NOT in illegal activities- i.e. drinking etc. that will occur regardless of where S camps out. but the difference in developing close knit friends through everyday living, not hazing, was seemingly much better in a house. you also learned the lessons of getting along with lots of different people with some form of self government thrown in. the perception that each house has the exact same type of kids in it is simply impossibility. keep in mind many colleges limit the number of years kids live in a frat. my oldest son knows well of the 10 or so fraternity brothers I still communicate with 30 years after graduating. however, at WUSTL. he chose not to pledge. I was fine either way. as the comments have indicated, your son needs to feel comfortable pledging or not.</p>
<p>"Why would anybody want to be a part of a group that would treat people in such a humiliating and demeaning manner?"</p>
<p>Do you mean the gop? or the dem's? ;) </p>
<p>Really, now the best advice is to go, look around, kick the tires and ask questions, check the fit. </p>
<p>While I can't say all frats and soros are without blemish, I also think many "stories" start to take on the urban legend status. </p>
<p>I had my doubts about my kid joining and told him so, however, he's a big boy and if I raised him well enough the prior 18, I shouldn't have too many worries. </p>
<p>He spent 4 years as a Kappa Sig and 95% of the time was spent doing very good things for himself and others. Honor roll, student government, community service, habitat for humanity, special olympics, big buddy for the read aloud programs..etc,,, The other 5%? Getting blitzed. :)
(responsibly.. of course. Sometimes with dad. We ruled beer pong.) </p>
<p>Does the 5% bother me? not in the least bit. I knew what I spent 18+ years on wasn't going to fold up and blow away. Did I worry like some, yes. But that was my problem, not his. </p>
<p>Anyway, look, listen, learn. If it's not for you, no worries. My D, looked, listened and learned and in the 24th hour.. had some doubts. The doubts stopped the process, but not the friendships. They still like her and she them, she is just a busy person with a grand plan. No worries.</p>
<p>The rush process isn't too different from the college app process. Based on a somewhat limited view of your academic potential, colleges must make a decision about whether to admit you for a 4-year commitment.</p>
<p>With rush, future pledges have already been screened academically by the college admissions office. The fraternity/sorority is looking for compatible roommates and social friends, and must make a decision about a rushee from a limited view of his/her social persona.</p>
<p>So I guess fraternity/sorority rush is about as "shallow" as the college app process.</p>
<p>One thing you need to know about Greek houses:</p>
<p>At some universities, not all members of a fraternity or sorority live in the chapter's house. Indeed, some chapters are so large that it would not be possible for all members to live in the house, so this is to be expected.</p>
<p>Often, members of a fraternity or sorority who do not live in the chapter house will rent an off-campus house or apartment together, while still participating in many of the activities of the chapter. This is also to be expected. These people are friends (indeed, they regard themselves as brothers or sisters). Why wouldn't they choose to live together?</p>
<p>Some of these off-campus houses or apartments become unofficial fraternity or sorority annexes. </p>
<p>Colleges often have strict rules about various aspects of parties held at Greek houses. For example, the chapter may have to take strict precautions (like the checking of IDs and use of armbands) to ensure that alcoholic beverages are not served to people under the age of 21. </p>
<p>But these rules only apply to parties at the official chapter houses, not to anything that happens at the unofficial annexes.</p>
<p>Guess where the REAL parties take place?</p>
<p>Just so you know.</p>
<p>Bay- </p>
<p>You're exactly right about people calling us frats. It was actually starting to get on my nerves a little in this thread. Please, if you ever visit one...don't call it a frat, you'll automatically be on their bad side.</p>
<p>Marian's right too. Not so much about the armbands thing. Our Greek system just requires that security have everyone sign into the party, and some parties you can't even get into unless you know someone. But on other things, like kegs on campus. We're not allowed to have them in our house or anything, so all the keggers take place at brothers off-campus houses.</p>