Fraternity, Sorority, Hazing

<p>Being a dad I am concerned about my daughter's first year at college. She is a high-school senior and will be at college next year.</p>

<p>She is intelligent (all A's always!), soft, highly compromising, not so-much out-going, communicative and slightly reserved.</p>

<p>I read in forums that there are absuive, insulting hazing out there.</p>

<p>I am worried for her...........</p>

<p>Can experienced people tell me what are those, how you experienced and how you faced those. I would appreciate any advise on how to prepare oneself, how to face those and how to overcome difficulties.</p>

<p>A worried dad!</p>

<p>Is your daughter planning on joining a sorority once she is in college? If so, I can see where hazing might be a concern. However, please know that hazing is illegal in just about every state in the Union. I suggest that if your daughter is interested in joining a sorority, she wait until at least her second semester to rush, even if she's at a school that allows first-semester freshmen to pledge. This way, your daughter can 1. get used to campus and its facilities, and 2. build a solid foundation in terms of her cumulative G.P.A. Also, this allows your daughter to do her resarch on which sorority is right for her. Now back to the hazing issue, no reputable sorority would degrade their pledges nowadays since it is so easy for sororities and fraternities to be removed from campus due to hazing violations.</p>

<p>Sorority hazing is a rare, rare, rare thing. The only time I've ever heard of it is from chapters that are not part of a Inter/national organization (eg "locals"). If she stays away from those she'll likely never (and I mean NEVER) encounter hazing.</p>

<p>As for the suggestion to wait until 2nd semester by ConstantIllusion - I don't necessarily agree - a good sorority chapter will help with the adjustment to college. It's certainly no secret that joining a chapter is a time commitment but I've seen too many people say "oh I"m going to wait until second semester or sophomore year" and then decide they are already too busy to join, when if they would have been in from the start, they'd think nothing of the time they put in for the chapter...but that's just like my opinion.</p>

<p>Thank you constantIllusion and thank you Bigredmed.</p>

<p>Pardon me as this may seem dumb, but actually, being an immigrant I am not much aware of what exactly is sorority (I know it's meaning but not what exactly happens in colleges).</p>

<p>Many colleges make it compulsory to be at campus in the first year, right? My daughter hasn't lived outside along for long (she has travelled indepently, toured etc). She is pretty independent and does her own things, but you would better know living in a campus is an entirely different thing.</p>

<p>constantIllusion: No she hasn't thought of joining of any sorority. What kind of groups are these? Common interest groups? All for good purposes?</p>

<p>Bigredmed: Yes, as of now her eyes are on National level tier-1 colleges (she loves MIT, wants Princeton, thinks to join Univerity of Chicago and all that). One constraint I do have is the financial constraint (like most others). So, I don't know what would work for her best and what would work best for my financial situation!</p>

<p>As a fraternity brother (and a proud one) I'd like to just add my two cents and hopefully reassure you. I go to a top school and one that has a reputation of being very difficult, even among the elite. That being said, I'm an active member of Greek Life and many of my close girl friends are in sororities, and I still do very well, as do the majority of people i know in the system. As silly as it sounds and as much as people outside the system like to insult it, my brothers are beyond my best friends, they are an extension of my family and if someone asks how many siblings I have, I say 80. It was one of the best decisions I have made and have never regretted even a minute of it.</p>

<p>As for what exactly and sorority is, that really depends on the specific sorority, chapter and school. Everyone is different. But ideally, one joins a sorority or fraternity because of the people in it, nothing more nothing less. It is a group of people who commit themselves to a social group that works hard to develop strong ties and community. members help each other in all facets of life from the personal, to the academic, and everything in between.</p>

<p>That all being said, of course there are examples of bad fraternities and sororities which give the whole system a negative reputation. But have faith in your daughter that if she joins a sorority it will be for the people in it and hopefully it will become a meanginful and positive aspect of her life.</p>

<p>As for what happens in a sorority: that's kind of a little vague, but I'll try my best. This may end up being multiple posts.</p>

<p>First rule of fraternity/sorority life is that it is very different from campus to campus - what's commonplace on one is absolutely unheard of on another - even if the schools are geographically similar or similar in overall atmosphere (for example - Dartmouth has a phenomenal tradition of Greek Life, but many of the of the other Ivies don't).</p>

<p>There is a set processes by which new members are asked to join. This is the Recruitment/Rush portion. For girls, recruitment is very highly structured. It's complicated but bear with me as I think it'll help your understanding. I think a hypothetical example will help. Lets say we have a campus which has 10 sorority chapters. Over the course of several days or several weekends in either semester (again depends on where your daughter goes), the girls will begin the first round of recruitment and have a chance to see most if not all the chapters (most schools it's all of the chapters - my alma mater it wasn't). Your daughter will get to meet the members, talk with them about their chapter, learn about what sort of things they do, what sort of personality the chapter has. After seeing all 10 chapters (round 1), the chapters will go through and decide which potential new members they wish to invite back to round two. The girls who are being recruited will find out the next day of recruitment who has invited them back. They will then take their invitations and be forced to cut down their list. So perhaps the for round 2 in our hypothetical example, they are only allowed to re-visit 6 chapters. If your daughter got more than 6 invitations for round two, she'll have to choose her top 6 and cut the other two from consideration - they are not allowed to return to these houses again during the formal recruitment process. Round two is more of the same sort of meeting with the chapters, again providing a chance for the girls to meet the sorority members and decide how they feel they would fit in with this particular group. Again at the end of the day the sorority members go through and choose who they would like to return for the next round. The next round the potential new members will only be allowed to visit their top 3. Round 3 (or whatever the final round is) is commonly called "pref day" because at the end, the girls must preference their choices in order. Round 3 is usually a fairly emotional day as the chapters typically perform rituals unique to that organization to try to explain what it means to be a "sister" in that organization. Again at the end of the day, the potential members rank chapters 1, 2 and 3; while the sorority chapters must rank all the girls that came to their chapter that day #1 through n...There is then a computer program, or the alumnae members of the sororities who go through a process called bid matching, trying to place each girl in their most preferred chapter. It's a long process that I won't try to explain. Just know that the process is a mutual selection one aimed at putting the new member into their most desired chapter.</p>

<p>I think that's an okay description of recruitment...Being a fraternity guy I never had to go through anything remotely similar, and am thankful I got to go through a much more relaxed fraternity rush. But I was president of a student organization my senior year that tried to get incoming freshmen to go Greek, so I did have to learn. Again though, that's just a general framework and there can be slight differences everywhere. There are a lot of special circumstances that I won't get into at the moment, as well.</p>

<p>Once a girl has been matched to a sorority, she is extended a "bid" which is essentially an invitation to join the chapter. She can accept or reject the bid. We'll just say that your daughter got an invitation to her #1 choice.</p>

<p>Once in a sorority, there is a period called the "pledge" or the new member period. It can run anywhere from 8 weeks to a semester depending on the organization and the chapter. Most sorority new member periods are closer to 8 weeks. During this time your daughter will learn about her new organization, what its values, history, and traditions are. The point is to teach the new member the things they need to know in order to be a good member in the future. It's also a time period to start building those friendships that are so close. It's that common experience which brings individuals closer together.</p>

<p>At the end of the 8 week period, the chapter will initiate your daughter. Here they will use a highly symbolic ritual to impart the "secrets" of the organization to the new members, sort of "exposing them to the light" if you will. Things like the meaning of the organizations name, the meaning of the badge, the handshake, the signatures, the passwords, and so on are explained. For example in my fraternity we learned meanings of things like "Wooglin" and "<strong>kai</strong>" which don't mean much to most people but have a lot of meaning for me personally. </p>

<p>Once initiated she's a full member and able to participate fully in the running fo the chapter including holding office and helping make decisions. </p>

<p>Activities of sorority chapters include philanthropy events, community service days, taking part in campus activities like Homecoming and Greek Week, co-hosting parties, sisterhood retreats, leadership conferences, and a variety of other things. Some of it is dependent on whether your daughter attends a school where the chapters have their own houses for members to live in or not. But the main thing is the friendships and the personal growth. Your daughter won't like everyone in her chapter, but she'll learn to work with them. </p>

<p>Okay...that's all really long. If you have any more questions I'd be more than willing to answer.</p>

<p>I pledged and was initiated into a national sorority (actually we are a women's fraternity) at a Top 20 National University back in my day and my D pledged and initiated a different national women's fraternity at a Top 20 LAC this past year as a freshman. I also advise the closest active chapter of my group at a university near my home. At both of our schools, the sorority averages are higher than the non-affiliated women average.</p>

<p>My H and I pay the tuition, R&B, etc. My D pays for her own dues and other incidentals. When I was in school, I took care of my dues and my parents handled the rest.</p>

<p>Feel free to ask me any questions.</p>

<p>Some advice for her...</p>

<p>Make sure she has the number of either campus security or the local police department in her cell phone. Not only is this a good peace of mind measure, but if anything does happen she can report it. I hear about abductions all the time and have a spot in my heart for cold cases. I'd hate to see anything happen to someone who sounds like she has a very promising future and defense is always good to have. I myself had my life threatened once and used campus security to get out of danger unharmed.</p>

<p>I am against any sort of initiation, whether it be in a Greek group (which I'm not a member of), a sports team, a club, etc. Some freshmen/new recruits are abused pretty badly and when I was in high school band, my friends and I had to suffer. One guy even got duct taped to a flagpole. A buddy who played soccer had to put Ben Gay where it hurts. When I was a senior, I was often criticized as being overly friendly with the freshmen and for being a "freshman rights advocate", but I didn't want any of them to have to deal with what we did. A police officer actually gave a long lecture to the band not long after that flagpole incident and said that harassment is a crime. Let your daughter know that.</p>

<p>She also doesn't need to be in a Greek orginzation. She can meet friends through other things--perhaps she could join an intramural sports team, a club, a Bible study, etc. There's also jobs on and off campus where she could make some friends, and if she's religious perhaps church would be a good option.</p>

<p>ehh girl hazing isn't too bad from what i hear. if the sorority even does haze (which i'd venture the vast majority don't anymore), its usually just the older girls telling the younger girls they're fat or making them drink and go to a party something else stupid. you'll find the drinking ones are probably the ones best kept under control--they don't want one of their future sisters making a complete jerk of herself.</p>

<p>Yeah, I only heard about one soroity on my campus hazing, and it was only one thing. </p>

<p>But it is your choice whether to join a greek organization, they aren't for everyone, but can be rewarding.</p>