<p>DS had come home before for a surprise visit, but this trip was the first time that he saw most of his high school friends. Those bonds seem to be breaking down quickly. While he loved every minute with his gf, he seemed excited to drive back to school. It was nice to learn so much about his life, his fraternity, and to talk about his future plans.</p>
<p>Our visit was good as well. Son loves his school and new friends and for him to be so emotive means it is really so. </p>
<p>I thought the 4 days was a good reconnect without him getting sick of us and it not throwing us off our new type of lifestyle which is without him. He visited a few of this closer HS friends who are in colleges closer to home. Too early to tell if those relationships will drift. </p>
<p>We did discuss how college kids are so different than HS ones and that the relationships are truly at the next level. Hope all stays good for the next 3.5 yrs.</p>
<p>D1 is a sophomore this year. Difference between this year and last? This year, she didn’t sleep at home once, so curfew was a nonissue (she goes to school locally). She did have considerable studying to do as well, and home over the holiday is slightly chaotic. Freshman year, i don’t recall any extra surliness.</p>
<p>The time of adjustment was summer, when she was home to stay instead of being home only for a visit.</p>
<p>I think the Thanksgiving visit is when we realize the old saying – be careful what you wish for (that our kids will love the school they chose) – they can’t wait to get HOME (back to school); they miss all their friends; life at home is so boring. It’s painful, but it’s exactly what we really want them to be feeling.</p>
<p>Had a great visit with D. She did her laundry before she came home. Went out with her BFF after dinner with us the first night. A couple of her friends and I went shopping at midnight Black Friday. She did afternoon visits with 2 of her closest friends and then stayed home with us 2 nights. Spent time studying for a test tomorrow. We dropped her off at the airport early this morning. I told hubby come Winter break we probably won’t see her as much…</p>
<p>I loved being home to see my parents and little sister again, but now being back at school I think I miss them a lot more.</p>
<p>We just had a very nice visit but he’s been home a couple of times; his school isn’t too far.</p>
<p>For Thanksgiving I took him and his sister to see his dad and family in a different city, he wasn’t at home more than an hour or two before we left and after we came back. Most of his HS friends were in OUR city and he missed seeing them all but he didn’t complain and was a pleasure to be around on our trip.</p>
<p>He’s always been pretty accommodating if I am also respectful of him. At winter break he’ll be here and so will his friends and I expect he’ll spend most of his free time with them but also happily be here for holiday family stuff.</p>
<p>When he went back to school this evening he’d already made plans for dinner with his friends, looked forward to sleeping in “his own bed” (he had an air mattress on our away visit) and finishing a paper. He seemed ready to return.</p>
<p>I’m a little disappointed with this visit. My D attends a school on the quarter system, and they just completed the fall quarter, so no studies on her mind. She doesn’t have to be back in school until January 7, so it is a bit of a long break. We hadn’t seen her since the end of August, and she had said that she was excited to come home, to see us, and to do things with us. </p>
<p>So she got home Tuesday, and since then she has mostly been out with friends or sleeping. I expected those two things, and that is fine. I know she had friends here over Thanksgiving that will be going back to school. And I know she is tired, as dorm life involves very little sleep. But I am very disappointed in her demeanor around us. She has stated that this no longer feels like home, and that she can hardly wait to go back. In fact, she is trying to change her reservations to a week earlier than planned to go and stay with a friend, I guess. She and I tried to shop Friday, and ended up in an argument. She had told me that today she wanted to bake with me, but didn’t get up till late, then went for coffee with her dad, then out to lunch with a friend. We finally started a batch of cookies at 3:00, but she really wasn’t interested in helping, and ended up sitting at the table messing with her computer. </p>
<p>I know they are flexing the independence muscles, but damn, I kind of resent this behavior. We are sacrificing a lot to send her to this school, and at the very least I feel we are owed a bit of pleasantness while she is at home.</p>
<p>My son seemed very similar to when he left in August. He went out to dinner with us, but spent as much time as he could with new and old friends.</p>
<p>My son missed his cats most of all; they never call or message him when he’s at school. ;)</p>
<p>A wise friend told me that when her DD came home that first Thanksgiving, she said she felt like a puzzle piece that no longer fit. Think about it - when they first left, you felt like your right arm was missing. Nothing felt right. You felt at loose ends - confused - disoriented. Eventually you developed a “new reality” where you and the other kids, or you and your friends/husband/wife developed new routines. Then they return - you are so excited, but they want you to be the same, and you aren’t! At the same time, they want you to be different, but you are closer to the same than they are! </p>
<p>It does get better - be patient! I was ready for the difficulties, and spent a lot of time mindfully changing my own patterns. Unfortunately, the difficulties are not exactly what you would expect - that would be TOO EASY!! </p>
<p>Today when she was laying on her bed 45 minutes before she was to leave for the airport, and nothing was packed, I simply went downstairs and made cookies. Better that her last memory of home was some cookies than me nagging and yelling. At the door, she was a bit disconcerted - “I am not sure I remembered everything.” My response? “Do you have your driver’s license? Do you have the books, etc for school that you will need next week? Do you have your phone? Well, if you have those three things, you can buy everything else in Boston. Let’s go.” YEAH ME!</p>
<p>It was heartwarming watching my son’s cat follow his every step while he was home. That cat was SO excited to see him. Even my son’s hermit crab was excited to see him.</p>
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<p>Tell them about skype. ;)</p>
<p>SinkorSwim - glad to hear you have adjusted to school.</p>
<p>I think that Thanksgiving is the diciest of all school breaks because it is the only one (for most students) that immediately precedes final exams and papers. Students, particularly first years, are feeling a lot of pressure. When I was a student many years ago, I would sequester myself in my room to study during Thanksgiving break and only emerge to eat the big meal!</p>
<p>Impending exams don’t excuse disrespectful behavior, but they do explain why many students tend to be more on edge and less social at Thanksgiving.</p>
<p>For the first two days, D wanted to talk about her school and the people she had met. She had bonded with her roommate and teammates that she said she actually missed them. </p>
<p>Then, her hometown friends started coming home for break and it seemed as if she never left. Her luggage exploded in her newly redecorated room and clothes were everywhere. She was out with them much of the time which wouldn’t bother me except she didn’t have her car and I had to either give her mine or drive her around. </p>
<p>S, now a junior, was the opposite this time. He came home for two days with his roommate and avoided his hometown friends for this short break. He shared a lot about the goings on at school and we really enjoyed having him around!</p>
<p>My S is a freshman. It’s been a rocky start and he’s had his share of trouble. Nothing major, just lots of nuisance trouble - late for class, missed homework, over spending, etc.</p>
<p>He came home happier to be home than he was to leave it. He seems more mature as a result of so many knocks upside his newly independent head. He always had to learn the hard way. Now he is. Hoping he can avoid more trouble but it’s nice to make home a sanctuary for him - a predictable, trouble free, hassle free zone of rest, which is not what it was until he left and found life harder to cope with outside the cocoon.</p>
<p>My D is now the eager beaver waiting to leave…</p>
<p>thanks oldfort, it’s almost the end of the semester!</p>
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My son missed his cats most of all; they never call or message him when he’s at school.
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<p>When my S first came home his freshman year, I think he was more excited to see the dogs than his family. I sometimes text him random dog pictures if I see them doing something cute.</p>
<p>Sacchi, I do the same thing! I just sent my kids pics of the dog in a Santa hat.</p>