<p>Just a note - in some cases transfer students are offered aid and/or scholarships so she should go ahead and apply even if she needs a good financial offer in order to transfer.</p>
<p>Ditto fendrock ^^^</p>
<p>My younger D got some amazing financial aid offers as a transfer. Boston College, Mt. Holyoke, and Smith all offered her comparable offers to what she received as a Freshman applicant. So you never knowā¦</p>
<p>Fendrock, many years ago I was a freshman at a college in VT, and just at this time of year I became just miserable, partly because of a breakup with a boyfriend. I didnāt have the gumption or probably the grades to transferā¦gave it a half-hearted try and gave up. Iāve thought that if my D were to face the same thing I would go through it all very carefullyā Iāve never been sure that I wasnāt wrong to stay put. Though I had some great experiences at that school I think I might well have done much better elsewhere. Good luck!</p>
<p>It may be worth pointing out:</p>
<p>(a) She IS isolated from people at home.
(b) The friendships she has made so far ARE, for the most part, superficial and phony. How could they not be? People have known each other for a few months, met under completely artificial circumstances, and most of them (possibly including her) were trying to project an entirely new personality, and are only now slowly reverting back to their real one.
(c) Itās March. As a rough guess, 80% of the population of Vermont is depressed, and will be for 2-3 more weeks.
(d) Her boyfriend IS in Boston, and sheās not. Boyfriends are way less fun when they are not within easy reach, much less hundreds of miles away. There are two ways to fix that problem, and I would be pretty certain she has considered both. But see (b) and (c) above: Itās hard to acquire a new, more proximate boyfriend if all of the candidates are depressed phonies.</p>
<p>In other words, sheās not nuts at all. All of those things are problems. It just happens that they are the sort of problems that tend to resolve themselves with time, and transferring doesnāt do much about any of them except the boyfriend.</p>
<p>It may be the boyfriend issue as many have pointed out. However, when I read your initial post, it sounded almost identical to our DD after the first 6 weeks at one of her top choices. We encouraged her to soldier on-and she did. Had a roommate disaster the first year, but did well academically. What I did not give enough credence to is how DD was feeling-her lack of comfort with the social scene ( much more Greek than advertised) and not making enough friends that she had things in common with - none of that has not changed. She spent 1st semester of sophomore year at a large flagship public in our state loved it. DH and I thought we would let her make her own choices about whether to transfer. In retrospect, I wish we had helped her investigate her options more-though that violates my code of letting our kids grow and make their own choices. She will finish at the school she began at in2008-but feels this was not the school for her. I hate to have a 21 year old young adult with that may regrets already. Our daughter has ended up staying at original school because transferring would add more than one semester to her undergrad. curriculum and she did not want to let us down. Think about the idea that if she is not missing the boyfriend constantly, perhaps she will be more clear headed about what she wants from a college experience.</p>
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<p>No real advice. Just something to consider. I went to an OOS med-size public - not a good fit. Transferred to my in-state flagship as a junior, graduated. Both were bad choices. I regret both of those choices. This was before the college search/application process became a sport. Things overall turned out just fine. Even if bad choices are made live goes on.</p>
<p>"The friendships she has made so far ARE, for the most part, superficial and phony. How could they not be? " - I tend to disagree, based on my memories of freshman yearā¦ long, long, ago. When you live in the dorms with friends that click, it is possible to bond a lot in the first few month. Maybe not always the case, but definitely possible.</p>
<p>Just another story, not sure if it will be helpful: </p>
<p>My sister went to an out-of-state big State U with a reputation as a party school. She made some friends, did well in her classes, and spent EVERY SINGLE WEEKEND WITH HER BOYFRIEND, who went to our in-state big State U, which has a better academic reputation.</p>
<p>She applied to transfer, got in, and, yada yada yada, they have been married for almost 14 years and gave me two amazing nieces. They are both active alums of Big State U and have done very well for themselves professionally. </p>
<p>Would she have regretted transferring if they broke up? I donāt think so. She got very involved in an activity that had nothing to do with him, and she liked being closer to home. The school was a much better fit. Iād say that if the boyfriend is only one reason for wanting to transfer, itās worth exploring.</p>
<p>Oldest and her BF went to separated schools as first years. She got into school and did well, made friends, joined a sorrority, etcā¦AND she spent a great deal of time on the phone with him or with me, because, when not in class, girls are looking for boysāeither to hook up with, or to go out with. She had plenty of offers, but she really was in a relationship. Like it or not. </p>
<p>This year, BF transferred to her school, and she has done well in school, been involved in all of her activities, barely has ten minutes to talk to me on the phone and is quite settled in.</p>
<p>She was never āunhappyā to the point of wanting to leave her school last year, but she wasnāt quite as āthereā as she is now. </p>
<p>This isnāt an endorsement for any point of view, just one story. good luck to you guys.</p>
<p>One other thought Iāll throw out there, especially for the schools which are interested in keeping their āretentionā numbers high - I would have my kid (or me, if there was $ involved) have a chat with a school official. Iām not sure who that would be - maybe the deans, maybe the academic department heads, etc. Some issues mentioned above could be addressed, others not.</p>
<p>Yes, it happens. If it does, then tell her to do the research and start the transfer process, mindful of the same financial constraints that were there when she did her college search, unless things have changed for the family since then. If sheās still unhappy when the acceptances from other schools arrive, she can make the move. If she feels it is not worth making the move at that time, which happens a lot, she can just drop the whole matter. </p>
<p>Iāve told all of my kids that the first college app process is on me, in that iāll help as much as I can. The next one is all up to them. Maybe Iāll write some checks if needed for the apps, but Iām not going to be involved in the transfer process. I simply donāt have it in me. After the kid has gone through the process the first time, I figure s/heās learned enough to do it solo the next time around since, I help, not do the applications for them. That is the big benefit in making your child do the bulk of the work in the college app process: s/he learns how to do this for future occasions. I always hope that the next apps will be for grad school, prof school, jobs, grants, etc, but if transfer comes up, thatās fine with me.</p>
<p>As a separate post, I want to relate a good friend of mineās sonās story. He received a reasonable financial aid award to go to his first choice school, a LAC that was in a remote location. He had no doubts that was his first choice, visited, and longed for acceptance to the point that his parents were praying that it would happen. And it did.</p>
<p>When he came home for Thanksgiving, he said he hated the place which were also the same vibes he was giving with every communication. Everything he thought he loved about the school made him nuts. He hate, hate, hated it. His parents told him to get the transfer papers in order, but stick it out for the year.</p>
<p>He could not even do that. When he came home for winter break, he shipped all of his stuff home and refused to return. He took a leave of absence with no idea at all of ever returning, and enrolled in a local state university with open admissions which upset the family greatly. He, then sent out his applications for a transfer, and transfer he did for his sophomore year, and beyond. So though he did create some discomfort,stress, worry to the parents, he did work it out himself. They would have preferred that he had stayed at the school that second semester, but he did not choose to do so.</p>
<p>Mom of two ā¦ count 'em two ā¦ transfer students here. D had the initial issues with being very far away from home, knew no one, roommate was a cold fish, etc. She got through all of that, making friends & enjoying herself socially. However, she wanted something different academically. She did all of the work for the transfer, although I more than did my part by listening to her stress about it (it was bad enough the first time around ā¦ I really didnāt care for the second time ā¦ but Iām a mom, so I dealt with it). She got into the school she wanted, and the financial aid has been amazing.</p>
<p>S will not return to his current school sophomore year. He had hoped to transfer to the state flagship and did do his app ā¦ on the last day to apply. He was not accepted, although they did say he could reopen his app for a future term. He plans to reopen for winter '12, so he will go to one of several commuter schools in our area in the fall. Because he may end up staying at whichever school he winds up attending this fall, I want him to make an informed choice. So we will do some visit days this spring (he will apply now & visit later, I guess). He doesnāt want to live at home, but he just doesnāt see the point to returning to current school ā¦ where he has friends, but doesnāt really āfit.ā The academics are meh (he went for a particular program that is very good, but he has decided to change his major). H & I kind of liked being on OUR own, but we will survive.</p>
<p>D is more than happy that she transferred. S knows that he would rather not return to his school. We donāt have a problem with it. Heck, I am in my 50ās and donāt know what I want ā¦ 18-20 years olds just might not, either. It is important to choose a transfer school wisely, of course, but itās not necessarily a bad thing to take a mulligan.</p>