<p>nolcu - you must have some clue because your D confided in you. I am another vote for the BC and condoms. Keep the lines of communication open. But remember just like any other medication - the pill can have side effects - just mention to your daughter to keep alert to anything different. And definetely have your daughter checked with your local Gyno.</p>
<p>OP – 3.5 hours away by car? or plane? can she come home before Thanksgiving? You need to see her – see how she’s doing – have a chat. Thanksgiving is so…fraught and rushed. See if you can visit her or she can visit you (even Skype). It sounds like she’s taking on a lot all of a sudden, and maybe the boyfriend is The One but you also want to discuss what happens if/when the relationship ends.</p>
<p>My D is also a freshman at college. I set her up with a GYN appt before she left; she got the pill; I also bought her condoms (they don’t understand they need both). I don’t know if she’s active, but she hasn’t told me anything (except “send money”).</p>
<p>Also – maybe (since she’s active) your D should have Plan B (emergency contraception) in case condom breaks…</p>
<p>I second the advice to have the BF get tested for STDs and for your D to consider getting Gaurdasil if she has not done so already. Oh, and I put an Index card on my desk with the word “PILL” on it. I rarely forgot to take it.</p>
<p>Woody
If you mean a link to the Memorial Sloan Kettering link - unfortunately I am technologically backwards in terms of links and quotes. The one thing Ive been able to find after a very cursory search of their web is : Taking the birth control pill also raises the risk of breast cancer very slightly, but the increased risk disappears about ten years after a woman stops taking the pill.
There was a Society of MSKCC Health Lecture in April of 2010, that discussed incidents of higher breast cancer in women taking birth control with hormones, drinking milk with hormones etc. It was really eye opening and frightening. Unfortunately I cant find it on their site.</p>
<p>I have to say, I’m pretty shocked by these responses. When I went away to college 30 years ago, I also embarked upon a sex life my freshman year. I somehow managed to find my way to a Planned Parenthood and take responsibility for my own body and my own life. Never in a million years would I expect my mother to get involved, nor have her solicit opinions about my private sex life from strangers. Are there no boundaries with helicopter parents? Sorry to be blunt, but wow, when are these kids allowed to take charge of their own lives?</p>
<p>probably when they get their own health insurance</p>
<p>My daughter has been on the pill for health reasons since she was 16.</p>
<p>Oh, and thirty years ago, you might have gotten an STD, but it wouldn’t kill you.</p>
<p>Mom483, if you change the “30” in your post to “43”, I could have written the same bio, with this exception: I would have loved to have been able to talk with my Mom about all these important decisions. She would broach any other topic with me except this one. OP’s daughter is fortunate.</p>
<p>I appreciate your independent approach to the onset of your own active sexual life. Some people have family structures that require exactly that kind of privacy. Others have families where communication is prized concerning personal, health and other emotional transitions. Different families entirely.</p>
<p>You have been very helpful and encouraging. I am hoping that my daughter gets to the health office ASAP and gets some type of birth control. I texted her yesterday that I loved her and that I am here for her. Hoping that she can now handle this adult decision she has made.</p>
<p>Thirty-nine years ago, I was in the same situation as your daughter – except that my boyfriend, whom I had met at a summer job, was at a different college, so our personal life was conducted during breaks.</p>
<p>My mom and I did not get along well in many ways, but birth control was one thing we could talk about. Unlike many women of her generation, she felt it was irresponsible NOT to plan your family, and she thought that both married and unmarried women who were sexually active should be using contraception unless they were psychologically and financially ready to have a child. Nowadays, that’s a fairly standard view. Thirty-nine years ago, maybe not.</p>
<p>Anyway, when I came home for Christmas break my freshman year, my mother realized that my relationship with my boyfriend (who later became my husband) had become rather serious. She said, “Don’t give [name] what he wants for Christmas.” I said, “He got that for Thanksgiving.” She replied, “I hope you’re using protection.” I replied, “MOTHER, of course we are!”</p>
<p>A few months later, when I was having side effects from the Pill and was not satisfied with the service I was getting at Planned Parenthood in my college town, I asked her to recommend a gynecologist at home whom I could consult during the summer. She didn’t bat an eyelash and gave me a name. She was cool – at least in this department. (She also happened to like my boyfriend – in fact, she was the one who had introduced us.)</p>
<p>These are all good points, not sure there is much to add. I kissed my future husband in the third week of freshman year (he lived on my floor, co-ed dorms) and never looked back. We celebrated our 30th last weekend. It does happen. Congrats to you for the relationship you have with your daughter. When I was in undegrad, I wouldn’t have dreamed of talking to my mom about sex (still don’t).</p>
<p>Hugs to you noclux3. I was in a similar spot 3 years ago, but I have to say that, believe it or not, the whole experience brought my D and I much closer together - after we got through some of the awkwardness. Part the awkwardness (and yes, sadness) on my part was yet another realization that my D really wasn’t a child any more. I’m a slow learner.</p>
<p>As for cancer and the Pill: the jury appears to be out (inconclusive, contradictory studies) on breast cancer, but it’s now clear that oral contraceptives significantly decrease the risk of developing ovarian cancer.</p>
<p>I think it’s great that your D feels she can confide in you about this.</p>
<p>My one piece of advice is to avoid the diaphragm. Even if used religiously, it has too high a failure rate, especially depending on one’s anatomy. The ring thing sounds like a good alternative, but in my experience most people do not have trouble remembering to take the pill.</p>
<p>Perhaps there should be a pill reminder app that cries like a baby.</p>
<p>^^ love that, cartera!</p>
<p>I laughed, too, cartera, but it is actually a GREAT idea for an app- go for it!!!
It would definitely sell and be very effective.
It could even be co-marketed with pill Rx.</p>
<p>It would be more effective if the pill dispenser itself “cried” until the pill was removed from its slot. If you wait an hour, the cry turns into a whine, the next hour it says “whateverrr”, the next hour, “I hate you and I wish I’d never been born”. The last reminder is “Mom, I need to move back home.”</p>
<p>As to the diaphragm, I have nothing good to say about it based on personal experience. True compliance is very difficult, requires fore-thought or interruption, and follow-through of multiple applications of spermicide, keep it in for x hours after each event, etc. etc.).</p>
<p>It was very painful for me to use and caused UTI’s. It would never stay in as long as it was supposed to, either. Sorry to get into such detail, but these are important things to consider. YMMV, and I would be thrilled if it did. It just was not a viable option for me, unfortunately.</p>
<p>I have a Q about IUD’s: a college friend fo D1 apparently has one in, and her mother is a big deal at Planned Parenthood. I was of the impression that IUD’s were not appropriate for those who still may want to have children because they can cause infertility (due to perforation, infection or a funky pregnancy), but is that still true? Are there newer safer IUD’s that would be appropriate for young pre-gravid females?</p>
<p>Thanks all.</p>
<p>cartera, now I really cannot stop laughing!!!</p>
<p>Woe is me - a quick google tells me the pill reminder app already exists - not surprised. </p>
<p>I’m no fan of the diaphragm either. Many years ago, my lab puppy found mine on the tub and chewed it up. That was an interesting call to my doctor. Every time I went to her after that, she came into the examining room saying, in her Korean accent, “Puppy chew diaphragm, puppy chew diaphragm!” At least we started every appt with a hearty laugh.</p>
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<p>I kept getting yeast infections while on the pill, so I switched to a diaphragm. It worked fine. I’m not sure you can even get them anymore, though.</p>
<p>I believe that modern IUDs are safer than the earlier versions. But even in the 1970s, I knew women who had not yet had children who had IUDs and who were able to get pregnant with no difficulty after they were removed.</p>