<p>Found out over thanksgiving break my daughter has been cutting herself. She had a brief episode of this late in junior year in HS. Saw a counselor for about 10mths. I thought it was behind her. She has had a difficult first semester away. Likes the school and friends, but struggled with some classes, adapting to being independent and then a huge issues with a boy she dated for about 6 weeks. As soon as I found out about this cutting, which she tells me happened over a 2 time episode, but arms are a mess, i got in touch with the school counseling servicea and they saw her first thing that monday morning and again this week. Counselor told me unfortunatly this is not uncommon and of course the first semester is very stressful. She will be home in a week for winter break, I am considering not allowing her to go back come Jan. She has a long break so hopefully being home, away from the drama and stress of this fall semester mayb help. Does anyone here have any experience with this?</p>
<p>I am so sorry for you and your daughter’s situation, that must be very difficult (and disappointing to find out it isn’t over, after all you’ve already been through). My niece cut through the later part of hs and is a college sophomore who recently chose to go back to a therapist and start taking a different kind of anti-anxiety meds. She is seen regularly by her small LACs mental health office. She comes home for the weekend (a 3.5 hr drive) about once a month, too — her parents/she seem to feel that helps her anxiety, and hope that eventually she won’t feel the need to do that, but in the meantime it seems to reassure her. </p>
<p>I would ask your daughter what she wants to do, and if she wants to stay in school, decide together what the support system will look like and how that might function. Mental health and wellness issues tend to follow us no matter where we go, and regardless of what we are doing, so she might prefer to stay in school with much more support and your knowledge of her returning difficulties. Best of luck to you both</p>
<p>Very sorry to hear she is suffering this way. We know a “cutter” and definitely increases with stress. As awful as it is to contemplate your beloved child inflicting this injury on themselves, if she is getting good counseling over break and can continue with counseling back on campus, perhaps work towards getting her in a position to return for second semester. The stress will be there at college and in other aspects of their lives – the challenge is for kids to find more appropriate, effective ways to handle the stress. So, if she can make progress over break and is willing to tackle this head on, perhaps assume that she will return, focusing on her working towards that goal. So very sorry to hear that she is struggling with this again, it is heart-breaking to watch.</p>
<p>Perhaps when she is home she can see the counselor who helped her during the last episode. Working with someone familiar who knows her history could help ease and speed her recovery. I would not make any rush decisions but see how she does over the break. Leaving her school could add a whole other level of stress. If she does return, a light course load may be beneficial.</p>
<p>It’s great that she will confide in you, keep talking. Best wishes.</p>
<p>From my understanding of cutting, it can be a very addictive behavior. Many cutters never stop, but they can greatly reduce the behavior with therapy. I think your daughter is going to take several years to learn to cope with her issues. I am not sure that keeping her home from school is really the answer. She needs to have a support system in place at school and she needs to know that she can tell you when she is feeling stressed and knowing that you will not freak out. It is a very disturbing behavior but she needs your support more than anything.</p>
<p>Hugs to you. Cutting is indeed an addictive behavior and tough to stop. It really relieves stress altho know that’s hard to believe. Not sure keeping daughter home is best, but definitely some therapy to help her find better coping strategies. Medication can help sometimes, but so can yoga and meditation or some other exercise. The idea is to replace the unhealthy behavior with a better one while getting to the root of the stress. Wishing you and her all the best.</p>
<p>Does your daughter want to go back? Is she open to continued, regular counseling at the school? </p>
<p>I think recovery can be imperfect yet still progress. I would not talk about this as an all or nothing, black or white issue, but emphasize progress. A relapse can be temporary.</p>
<p>Can you all see how things go over vacation and decide toward the end? Would the college allow that? Sometimes, if you communicate and set things up with them, things like deadlines for housing and registration can be loosened for a situation like this.</p>
<p>I would think that the professionals treating your daughter would know what’s best. If they recommend that she take a leave of absence from school, I would follow that recommendation. Your D’s mental health is important and I am sure the school will let her take the time off to get well. My friend’s D suffered a breakdown at Yale and Yale let her take a leave from school.</p>
<p>I agree with consulting with the professionals at the school and perhaps your counselor at home.</p>
<p>I have a friend whose child’s mental health issues didn’t manifest themselves until the beginning of freshman year, once she was away. They brought her home for a while, stabilized her and then she returned. They have been beyond impressed with the university psychological services.</p>
<p>However, the child only attends school about 1.5 hours a way and is able to come home regularly, avoiding some of the triggers that caused her the most problem. For example, coming home to work on projects or study, avoiding big part weekends, and generally being able to get enough sleep.</p>
<p>Thank you all for your kind words.A little update, Daughter goes to a school with a small student body of approx 3500 kids. The staff is wonderful there and very helpful. I spoke with her counselor there and she feels that they can offer my D alot of support to help her thru this. Unfortunatly it seems they see this alot. The school counselor also wants to touch base with my D’s counselor from home that she has seen in the past over break. I spoke to the home counselor yesterday and we set up an appointment for her as soon as she gets home. My D wants to stay at school and try and work thru this. So as of now that is our plan. As many of you have said bringing her home may not be the answer, I cannot control this behavior.
I just want to let you all know how nice it was to be able to reach out over the web to people I dont know for some insight. I am divorced for a very long time and there is very little communiation between me and my ex. There are some things you just dont want to tell your friends and family. I want to protect my daughter, I dont want others to view her differently because of this so this was a safe place to come to.
Thanks again, Happy Holidays to you and yours.</p>
<p>It sounds like you have a great plan in place. Your D is lucky to have you in her corner! Good luck and keep us posted.</p>
<p>So glad to hear that your daughter’s school is responsive and that it sounds like her school and home counselors can work together. We understand from personnel at our high school that this is so much more common than we adults would imagine. The good news in your situation is that your daughter shared this with you and is looking for support. Sounds like you have a good response in hand – will be thinking of you over the holidays.</p>
<p>So glad that your daughter’s school feels they can handle this issue (and sad how common it is) and that your daughter wants to stay in school. Takes courage - good for her! Please keep us posted. Sending hugs.</p>
<p>I’m so glad that your daughter’s home & college counselor are working together. Having to leave college might further her issues. She’s supported by a loving Mom, professionals who can work with her. I have great hopes for her success.</p>