Freshman quitting college - need guidance

@blossom YES!

I hesitate to bring this up but is there a possibility he could be in legal trouble? Running away with no notice or forwarding information and abandoning his possessions in his room would be consistent with that, or with mental illness. It does happen. In any event, you can’t help with either if he won’t talk to you, so assuming he took the phone you provided and are still paying for service, I would send a text every day saying you need to talk with him asap before cell service turns off on March 1 (or whatever arbitrary date you set). At this point you don’t even know if the phone is still in his possession or whether he has or will sell it. Maybe his roommate can provide some insight.

Who paid for the train?

Maybe he has been reading Jack Kerouac. I know a Harvard grad who is doing the exact same thing. There is no way for us folks here on an online forum to tell if this is healthy or not, and he may very well have signed paperwork before leaving.

The loan so far is not wasted money, and if he can withdraw with a refund there is no waste at all.

His R&B will need to be paid for whatever. Do you think Ws will be allowed if he has just run away? Will his parents be able to actually do the W’s for him?

Harvard grads too can have trouble with the law and/or mental issues. An adult abandoning his things in a dorm room is not engaged in healthy behavior. Give it away, throw it out, whatever, but do not walk out leaving one’s things behind. Unless he intends to never come back or see them again

This sounds so stressful…I’m sorry. All I have to add, however, is that this reminds me of a friend. Years ago, he dropped out of medical school in the Midwest to move to the West Coast and became a pizza delivery man for a short time. He sorted things out and returned to school. This guy is brilliant. But I guess he had to take some time to figure out what he wanted. He has been a successful practicing physician for years and is doing well personally and professionally.

Honestly, I DO think the college will work with these parents in terms of the withdrawal…since the student is gone. I can’t imagine any college trying to give a student or family the shaft on this. It may take a few hoops to jump through…but it’s not impossible.

I do hope the kiddo signed a FERPA release so the parents could talk to the college.

I hope so too.

OP- hugs to you.

I’m sorry you’re going through this. I hope your son is ok. I also thought of mental health issues since you said this behavior seems so out of character for him. It just doesn’t seem right for him to take off like that. I’d wonder if he was running/hiding from a personal or legal threat, or if he was going to meet someone he met online? Hoping/praying he travels safely, finds a job, and keeps in touch. And that everything works out with the school/finances.

You pay for his phone? He has a CC under your account? Is he actually ignoring your calls?

If you pay for his phone, do you have a way to track him? I wouldn’t normally advocate this, but I’d be really worried and would want to know where his phone is.

A couple years ago, a boy we knew from when he was just about 2nd grade dropped out from 2nd year in our state flag ship college to the West to pursue career in STEM, computer coding field, to the great disappointment of his parents (both have PhD degrees). Just last Thanksgiving, we saw him not doing bad, able to support himself living in Bay area and saved enough to go abroad for vacations. Maybe you son knows what he is doing. We can’t not always think like Sears, Macy’s, and JCpenney when Amazon has arrived.

Maybe with what he wants to do, but leaving college without doing a clean withdrawal or any notice to anyone risks unnecessarily burning bridges that can be useful later.

Hugs to you. Listen to your son, he’s clearly suffering. If you we in his shoes what would you want from your parent? Do that. Also, a sense of humor always helps.

It is a mystery why he made this decision now (not at the end of last semester, when there would have been a better chance for money refund). Dig a little deeper - maybe there are some bad grades from last semester that you don’t know about. One possibility is that he learned he can’t get past an Incomplete hurdle.

This thread might have outlived its usefulness. Some of us have been through this and have a more positive view, and some have been through this and may feel more negatively. Online forums lack background information and our answers basically reflect our experiences, more than the original poster’s, in many ways. Virtual hugs are nice but hope all goes well in real time for your family. Hoping its a clarifying adventure for your son, and not too stressful for you. Good luck.

I actually have been through this as a parent. In our case, the kid had tendency to not tell the painful details. That made it harder to help. But it’s important for all involved to know the truth.

Just a couple of thoughts…

First, do take care of yourselves. This sounds bewildering and stressful for you as parents. I can’t imagine how I’d feel in your shoes.

But second, there might be an upside. I teach at a university, and it is dispiriting to deal with students who really don’t want to be there. Conversely, we often have slightly older, non-traditional students who know the world and have a laser-like focus. Sometimes college isn’t the right choice at 20…