Maybe I’m seeing things differently, but to me the issue isn’t the loan or leaving college or going on an “adventure”. It’s whether this young man had some kind of emotional breakdown. I hope that is not the case, but as a parent that would be my number one concern. I would be making a visit “out west” ASAP to make sure things were ok.
@yourmomma “Think of the guts it takes to do this. Buy him a surf board and wish him luck. School will be there when he’s done.”
An irrational and impulsive brat jamming his parents for 20 grand in non-dischargeable debt is “guts”? Far from it.
While agree that various points raised are valid, I also think that there is not much value in discussing details without more input or partipation from the OP. We really don’t know this family or what prompted the sudden decision to “go west.” So I don’t think it’s valuable to insult the kid or overdramatize. The parents are going to figure out soon enough what is going on and what prompted the sudden decision to pull up stakes and leave.
I agree that it’s unfortunate that parents are expected to pick up the mess … if either of my kids had done that, their “stuff” would have been long gone, because as a parent I don’t run a moving & hauling service. But then again, the “stuff” really doesn’t matter much anyway. My son was more proactive in shipping stuff back home before he quit college, including new acquisitions like a ginormous computer monitor – and all that stuff ended up sitting in his old bedroom forever after that, except for the stuf that I’ve managed to clear out and give to goodwill or the e-recyclers over the years. If the kid doesn’t want/need the stuff now, odds are he never will.
As is the case on many cc threads… these comments can be useful for other families too (now or in the future).
We may not have answers, but we have compassion (and in some cases true empathy) for this kind of situation. During college selection time, most of us thought the kids would go straight through in 4 years, but often that is not the case.
Well if that’s the case, a parent who lets their kid take out a $20,000 non-dischargable loan for 1 year of school and consigns is irresponsible. Times 4, that would leave a graduate with $80,000 in debt for an undergraduate degree. Not very wise.
I think we should avoid slamming the kid or the mom or getting snarky. I’m truly sorry this family is going through a difficult time and hope they get through it ok.
@Hittheroad Our oldest is in her 7th year of undergrad. We are sooooo over her being there. Failed a course once. Neglected to complete two incompletes other times. Neglected to get credits transferred when we made her regroup at the local community college.Always some rationale for needing to take more classes. supposedly this is her last semester…of undergrad. We will see.
Our second born has was struggling with engineering courses and ultimately failed several, he did a retroactive withdraw, took a semester off, did a semester at a local college and has finally decided college is not for him, after 3 years under the belt.
Demanding money from either of them in repayment would be squeezing water from a stone. Not gonna happen. We have drawn clear lines in the sand…and they muddy them. Learning and anxiety issues are sprinkled in. NO judgmental comments from the CC community, please. Too much of a story to go in to. (and FWIW, to those who question our parenting, our third born is very successfully going through his college career on the deans list at a top university and is working two jobs by choice in addition. Our youngest is a senior in HS and has been admitted to honors programs in several top schools already and is a candidate for significant merit scholarships.) .
The point is, the OP is not alone in facing that the plan we as parents had, that our kids would graduate HS, then graduate college in the next 4 years and then launch…don’t always happen that way. If your child can actually know themselves enough to know they are not ready and may never be, work with them to map out alternate plans and expectations. If it is a possibility your child will want to go to college one day, just take a leave. Don’t withdraw. Keep the option open. But prepare to accept that your plan for them may not be what they decide should be their path. Painful and difficult for us as parents, but its part of our growing up, too. Good luck to any finding themselves in a similar situation.
We don’t know anything about the family, we don’t know what the kid left behind, we don’t know if any money was wasted, and most of all we have no idea if this is a sign of trouble or wisdom on the part of the kid (who got A’s first semester). The OP seems supportive of the son, if worried- if you read the two posts carefully. And said she was going to complete the “transaction” at school.
I am not trying to shut this down as intparent said, but simply remarking that the thread no longer has much to do with the OP. There just isn’t enough background information and clearly the OP has long gone. Speculation doesn’t seem that useful. And there does seem to be quite a bit of hostility toward the kid.
I have the flu and am bored, but as suggested, will not read this any further.
I would try to support him in his decision and do everything possible to keep the lines of communication open. I’d pay for the cell phone so I had some way of reaching him as well as seeing who he was in touch with. Your can help him do this in an adult way as well as manage your downside and his safety by staying involved. There are so many scenarios in which you really wouldn’t want him mucking this out without, at the very least, a sounding board.
It sounds like he opened up to you a bit over the break. Perhaps he wanted to tell you about this plan but felt pushed to shift the conversational gears to a transfer. It sounds like he hasn’t wanted to disappoint you along the way and is now just imploding. Keep listening and loving.
MODERATOR’S NOTE:
Closing thread. It looks like the OP has received some valid advice and the thread has run its course.