<p>My son is a college freshman this year. He loves the school, has made great friends but he has an issue with his roommate...the boy smells. He says that he showers daily but does not think that he uses any type of deodorant. He does not wash his sheets (gross I know)so when the roomie left early for Thanksgiving break, my son stripped his bed and washed the sheets for him! He left them in a heap on his bed and when the roommate returned he never questioned this. My son uses Febreeze all the time in the room and his friends have made comments (the type that college boys will make ) yet no one has spoken to this boy directly. For whatever reason, my son is uncomfortable talking with him about this problem. The really strange thing is that when we went down for orientation in August, we met this boy and his parents for dinner. One of the first things his mother said to all of us was that she was happy that my son looked so "clean" because THEY were concerned that their son would have a roommate with poor hygiene!!! I don't know if maybe there is a hormonal problem because this kid has trouble with acne. It makes my son absolutely crazy whenever he talks about it and we have encouraged him to sit this kid down and have a talk. I don't know why he won't say anything. After several weeks of harping, he says that he will do it but I fear that he will chicken out. Their room is so tiny that it permeates everything. When we went down for parents weekend in Oct. I wasn't in the room one second when this boy walked in front of me and I nearly fell over (his parents did not go that weekend). I asked my son whether the boy showered or what and that is when he told us that it has been a problem. What I can't figure out is how a woman (his mother) who seemed so concerned about hygiene can't smell what everyone else smells. There is no way that he doesn't have this problem when he goes home. Any advice on how my son should handle this situation? There really is no nice way to tell someone that they smell. My son can't wait until next year when he doesn't have to room with this boy. They attend school in NC and I am afraid that once spring and the warm weather comes that my son will lose it! Even if he does speak with him, there is no guarantee that this kid will do anything about it.</p>
<p>Could it be his shoes? Sometimes people who take showers ignore thier smelly shoes which can produce a horrible lingering stench, particularly in small room in the winter.</p>
<p>The boy may have overactive sweat glands and showering only helps for a very short while. After the holiday break, have your son leave a nicely wrapped Christmas present of a scented deodorant/cologne combo on his bed. When the boy unwraps it, your son can tell him, “I use it and it works great.” </p>
<p>There are lots of brands that younger men like available at CVS or Walgreens. Try Axe - it comes in several scents that really kill that teenage odor. I bought some for my 15 year old when we noticed the “problem.” I was shocked that he started using it after I left it in his bathroom - I never even had to say anything to him.</p>
<p>I agree that perhaps gifting a set with the “I love this stuff and thought you’d like to try it” may be a good idea. When choosing anti-persperant you want to look for the ingredient Aluminum Zirconium Tetrachlorohydrex in the highest % you can find. Mitchum solids are good and have 19-20%. All my kids use it. My oldest is an athlete and inherited my overactive sweat glands. She didn’t have an issue with odor, just hated the sweat rings so she also uses Drysol which is a perscription strength (you can find it in some stores and online) and it greatly reduces sweating. We don’t have any odor issues so I don’t know if that would help but I hope your son finds a solution, I’d be going crazy!</p>
<p>I do think a “gifty” sort of set would soften the message a bit more than a plain old bottle of deodorant!</p>
<p>Is it possible that he showers but doesn’t wash his clothes regularly? I think your S needs to look at this as doing hos roommate a favor and not feel embarassed about it. I like the idea of gifting the anti-persperant.</p>
<p>I don’t know that he would be able to find a gift set of sorts, but one brand that works extremely well for those that tend to sweat more is Certain Dri. It’s applied at night. There is also a refresher that can be used in the morning. It will last through a shower. D used this in the past as she didn’t like the underarm sweat stains when working out.</p>
<p>Does this kid eat a ton of garlic? I only ask, because I’ve encountered people that eat a ton of garlic and they literally have a yucky “smell.” It’s a strange smell but I finally figured it out. If the whole family eats garlic alot, they may be clean as can be and well deodorized but they might all smell the same and not even realize it… You didn’t clearly say the smell was typical armpit/physical BO, but there are different “smells” and it could be garlic or it could be the shampoo or soap the kid uses or if the kid uses cologne it could be that. Personally I think AXE is so strong it will cover anythiing up, but frankly when AXE hit the 13-15 year old set in our area I used to gag at the smell it was so awful your son might prefer that the room not smell like AXE. If it’s not like a stinky armpit BO, then maybe your son can do some sniffing and sleuthing or watch and see if he eats a ton of garlic.</p>
<p>momofthreeboys is right. It could be something else. I work with a woman that I know is clean, etc. but each time I am near her i start sneezing and get a headache. She uses some type of shampoo or soap or something that in my opinion smells BAD. </p>
<p>Or maybe the mother was hoping your S’s good hygiene would rub off on her own son???</p>
<p>The boy may be showering regularly. The source of the odor may be everywhere else he leaves sweat (sorry, I can’t think of a better way to say it…). Hats, sheets, clothes, shoes. Once the body oils and sweat and bacteria start to brew they can be hard to get rid of, especially in those new tech “underarmor” type clothes and shoes and ball caps of all types. Gag! I know that smell well from school kids.
I agree that your son will be doing this kid a favor to bring it up. Maybe he can help by starting a regular Sunday afternoon laundry day for the room - sheets included every single week.</p>
<p>Well, if Axe is too strong, there are many others available. Have your son find a scent he can live with. I’d just have him buy the kid SOMETHING and leave it on his bed. I doubt your son feels like sleuthing too much.</p>
<p>My 15 year old has moved onto his dad’s Bulgari cologne - I guess he figured out that it smells a lot better than Axe!</p>
<p>If the boy smells that bad, it should be a problem in classrooms too. Wonder if he has any friends left?</p>
<p>I like the thought, but it seems odd to give it as a “gift” to me. I’d try saying “I got 3 of these for Christmas so I thought I’d share”…or something like that… so the roomie doesn’t feel bad for not reciprocating.</p>
<p>I think the RA is a good place to start. Maybe the RA can help your son in strategizing how to approach the roommate?</p>
<p>If your son can help this young man out with his body odor (or shoes as someone else suggested), it would be a great help to this young man because everyone elso thinks he smells. I knew a brilliant young man who earned two PhDs (math and physics) from NYU; he liked me, but his hygiene was lacking. I could not bring myself to say anything to him. Anyway, it can be medical and I think a roommate could be the perfect person to bring it up. </p>
<p>When my daughter was having some issues in the beginning of the semester, I suggested that she put evrything on herself. The way this would work for your son, is to say, “I have such a sensitive sense of smell, and there seems to be something in this room that has an odd smell to it. Any idea what it is?” Go searching for shoes, laundry, whatever. Perhaps he can suggest washing everything in the room. I wish your son the best of luck with this. It is a really difficult subject. Some people are clueless and they sure don’t smell themselves.</p>
<p>Thank you everyone for your ideas. Momofthreeboys, I hate to say it but the smell is BO, not garlic, because I think my son would be able to handle garlic! As I mentioned, this boy just walked past me and the smell was unmistakable…BO. My son says he showers and does do laundry (just not his sheets!!) and ironically, my husband works for a personal care company so we can give the kid plenty of deodorant!!! I have suggested that he give some to the roommate but he finds that a bit strange (while I will agree deodorant is not an ordinary “gift”, it is not strange if you stink!) I think at this point he is just going to have to confront him. I asked him if any of the kids on the floor would be willing to say something to him but he said no one wants a part of that! This is a smart kid, you would think he would get the hint with my son “febreezing” him at night!</p>
<p>I saw a Mystery Diagnosis show on TV and the woman the show focused on had the problem of stinking. She would take showers to no avail. Everyone thought that her hygiene was just poor, but she could never convince them that that was not the problem.</p>
<p>She became withdrawn and depressed. She was finally seen by a doctor who diagnosed a heriditary metabolic disorder. Her body couldn’t process a certain amino acid, so the by products would build up and cause the smell. </p>
<p>Once diagnosed, the doctor found that staying away from certain foods rich in whatever amino acid was the problem knocked down the smell considerably. This helped with her social life and once everyone knew that the smell was from a genetic condition, the woman felt less like an outcast.</p>
<p>Well, this situation probably isn’t a metabolic disorder case, but it does just go to show you that there can be many reasons why someone may smell–and not all of them have to do with bad hygiene.</p>
<p>Some boys won’t go through the trouble of changing hygiene habits until they have someone to smell nice for–A GIRL! </p>
<p>In this case, sounds like your son will just have to come out and tell him–look, I know you are showering regularly, but your deodorant just isn’t working. We need to try some other brands till we can find you one that works for you. We’re never going to get any girls until you do.</p>
<p>I think that all the theories and suggestions for how to “fix” the roommate problem by having the roommate change are well meaning but frankly are unlikely to solve the problem. College is too hard as is without such basic problems to worry about. The consequence of the problem comes the likely anxiety of coming back to the dorms!</p>
<p>Concurrent with college comes the transition into adulthood. The problem requires an adult answer. And I think that there is really only one such answer – asking in as strong a language as feasable for a change of roommate, making up a kind reason (such as incompatibility, whatever). Adults learn soon enough that we can’t fix other people :-(</p>
<p>my son has no interest in leaving his room and his section, RA etc. so there is no way he will ask for a room change. Bad enough this kid had swine flu in September and my son had to find a place to stay for several days, so I know that he has no interest in changing his lifestyle. I mention the swine flu because while my son felt badly that his roommate was sick, he was a bit unhappy that HE had to move out of the room (the university did not provide housing for the sick and there were too many cases to house them all in the infirmary) so I know that won’t fly this time. Frankly, why should my son be the one to give up everything when this kid is the problem. I think that someone mentioned having the RA get involved and my son mentioned this several months ago to his, but now that they have become good friends ( my son and the RA) I am going to have my son have his RA talk to this kid in earnest.</p>