<p>She knows student loans are exempt from bankruptcy because Ive told her several times. She called me today, saying “I WILL find a way to make this work!” ugh. </p>
<p>Also, to the poster who said this is child abuse, I dont know about that bc she is 18. Even if she is ignorant, she is legally considered old enough to make these kinds of decisions. Scary. I really wish all high schools made it mandatory to take a personal finance course that would include college financing. Way more useful than AP Physics for most students!</p>
<p>Update: Mom was unable to find a cosigner (shocker!) and D has realized this expensive college is a horrible fit for her (attended summer program). I am now in the process of helping her D speed thru last-minute admissions at a local regional university, where she will be able to live at home and commute. I told her to plan on paying for it all herself bc mom said she can’t afford to contribute at all (told me, but not her D). </p>
<p>Mom literally had no way of paying the tuition due in 2 wks, but has not told her D that. Instead of admitting she was unable to pay, she is laying blame on her D for being unable to withstand the rigor. D only knows the truth bc I told her. I could not stand to see her being blamed, and at this point I am willing to lose the friendship in order to help her D. </p>
<p>I am helping her mom with PLUS loan app (to make sure she actually does it), figuring that when she gets denied, D will qualify for the extra $4k or so to cover costs. Mom said she would help with loan payments as soon as she is out of debt. I wouldn’t hold my breath on that. </p>
<p>I am angry that my friend has put her daughter through this, angry that any financial truth her D has heard has had to come from me, and worried for her D that she has to continue living with her mom for at least another year. To make matters worse, her mom keeps telling her that this school isn’t good enough and she’s embarrassed her D will be attending. I am just speechless. This school is an incredibly good fit academically, financially, and athletically. I suggested it months ago, but mom would not let her apply due to lack of prestige. </p>
<p>The good news is that neither mom nor D will be saddled with extreme debt, as I had feared would happen. And D will end up at a school that suits her, without having to wait another year to apply. I have not yet told D my suspicion that her mom is racking up credit card debt in her name, but I will probably drop a hint at some point for her to check her credit. </p>
<p>Thanks to all of you who gave advice. All in all, I think the outcome is a good one.</p>
<p>Michigan - thank you! I am pretty sure she will be admitted. She even has support from a coach at the college. The thing is, we need to get through the process super quick so she can apply for a guaranteed grant that has a deadline at the end of this month. And of course holding my breath about the merit aid, but coach says it will come through.</p>
<p>Further update: Confirmed that mom maxed out her D’s card. Waiting to find out what that limit is…</p>
<p>Also confirmed that mom spent all of D’s grad gift money ($1000+), so nothing left towards a commuter car for school. </p>
<p>Mom is in Vegas at the moment, living it up, seeing shows, buying shoes, eating caviar. I’m not even exaggerating. I have counseled her D that we need to pull her credit report asap, pay off and cancel that card (if possible) and freeze D’s credit going forward. I’m just kind of in disbelief at this point. So disappointed in my friend. And so sorry for her daughter. How awful it must be to find out you can’t trust your own mom. Horrible.</p>
<p>Hi nova2nola. You’re right that there has to be an end to this situation, but the daughter should NOT pay off the credit card. She should really be reporting her mother for stealing her identity. As far as the credit card company (or the law) is concerned, it’s no different than if a stranger had done the same thing. It may be difficult for the daughter to turn in her own mother, but it’s really the right thing to do. And it may be the only way to get the mother to finally stop. Sad, so sad.</p>
<p>Axw - D has to live with her mom, only way to afford going to school, so turning her in is not an option at this point. If the damage is <$500 and we can prevent further damage, I think that’s what is best for all. If it’s in the thousands… just please, no. </p>
<p>Tempemom, I agree. There is definitely at least one diagnosis here. But I know she won’t seek help, and I am not qualified to give the kind she needs. Just hoping to educate her D to not follow in those footsteps.</p>
<p>Daughter can have her credit flagged and have a password set up. Her mom will not be able to open any more accts etc. without knowing the password. Do all 3 credit agencies.</p>
<p>Daughter should cancel all existing accounts.</p>
<p>Daughter should open post office box and direct all her mail there.</p>
<p>This is truly horrible… I don’t have much to say since I’m just a college student myself and have never taken out a loan or had a credit card in my name, but I just wanted to say that I feel so bad for your friend’s D. I can’t even imagine what that kind of betrayal feels like. (and I can’t believe your friend would spend her kid’s graduation money! Too unreal!) </p>
<p>Hopefully you can help her get back on track. It’s a shame she has to live with her mother to afford school, but perhaps if she starts to spend more of her time with her professors and other mentors on campus along with yourself she can have better role models in her life. </p>
<p>Harvestmoon - thank you. She is very fortunate to have many adults in her life who are really stepping up to help her out. I think she is humbled by how much people care and are trying to help. They dont know about the financial stuff, but they know she is in a tough place right now. I think she will become a stronger, more grounded person for going thru all this, but yeah, it stinks.</p>
<p>I’d also encourage her to tell her relatives what happened. If thiose relatives wish to provide any college funding to her, they should know not to funnel it through the mother.</p>
<p>Perhaps d should have mom charged with fraud and press charges against her. This way she could get all of this craziness off of her credit report.</p>
<p>This is her one and only mom…a woman that will be a part of her life forever…a woman that she wants a relationship with the rest of her life.</p>
<p>We have no idea what problems this mom has and no one can change the moms behavior but herself.</p>
<p>This is just a great example for this daughter to learn mom has problems and that the daughter has power and control ONLY over her own reactions.</p>
<p>So teach daughter to be proactive, teach her how to control her own information, check her own credit. </p>
<p>And she will learn. She will also learn that no one is perfect, life hands you curveballs and that you can move forward. She will learn resilience.</p>
<p>Her mother is a parasite who is doing her level best to destroy her daughter. She’s putting real effort into the project.</p>
<p>It would be better for the daughter to file fraud charges with the police, move out, get a job, and not go to college, than to attend college while living with her mother.</p>