<p>My friend (let's call her A) and her family are making a huge mistake in my opinion, and I need some advice. </p>
<p>A and her sister are both going to a private school that costs about $25,000. Her dad lost his job briefly (I think about 6 months to a year) and her mom is unemployed. Her parents are separated. A's family has had financial issues before, but just recently A and her sister were temporarily kicked out of school because they couldn't pay their tuition. She was very upset and eventually grew numb to her pain. Her grandparents cut them a check recently so now she can return to the same school she previously couldn't afford. She is suing her still jobless mother for child support and says that she will get a summer job. She also says when college comes around she will have scholarships and loans.</p>
<p>A used to go to the same school I did, a performing arts public school named LaGuardia. It is free to go there. She didn't get in freshman year, but she did for sophomore year. She was so excited to go there. She transferred, and after four days she claimed it was horrible, she hated it, and transferred back to the private school she goes to now. She says she still wants to be an actress, but LaGuardia wasn't for her. I grudgingly accepted her decision.</p>
<p>Now that she is back at the private school, I am very worried for her. She can barely afford school now by herself, and she has to go to college. Not to mention she has a sister who is only one year older than her. She tells me it's all going to be okay, because she'll sue her mom, ask her grandparents for help, and apply for loans and scholarships. I keep telling her those things are not guaranteed, but she won't listen. I also keep telling her public school can be very good if you find the right one and it can buy you some time to save money for college, but she and her family hate public schools despite the fact the only time they have experienced public school was A's four day tenure at LaGuardia. The private school she is going to isn't even top in academics. I know I shouldn't be acting as if I have a say in her family's affairs, but I am genuinely worried about her. </p>
<p>She wants to be an actress, but she can't support herself if she has debts to face. It's already hard enough to deal with the financial woes of a performance career. She thinks everything is going to be fine, but I really think she is being too naive. She had to scrap together what money she had to go to the private school, and she isn't paid up for the rest of 10th, 11th, and 12th grade! How much money can she earn with a summer job? Hoe much money can she beg of her grandparents? How is her mother supposed pay back child support when she doesn't have a job? How will she AND her sister get to college?</p>
<p>I would be her friend and listen. At some point, she may need your moral support. Just listen if she talks to you. I doubt that there is anything you can say to help this situation. A sure way to jeopardize a friendship is to discuss family finances. If all of this goes south, she will need a friend…again…to listen.</p>
<p>I am so afraid she is making a huge mistake. I am listening, but I am really trying to advise her. I do think it’s making her mad at me, but I am so worried for her. I’ve known her since kindergarten.</p>
<p>You are not the one with the problem. This is not your issue. Being a good friend can mean respecting limits. It is not your job to solve this problem.</p>
<p>I hate to be blunt but if it were me I would look for different friends. Who sues their jobless mother? And if she is willing to sue her own mother, what else might she be capable of doing? Imagine if you got in the way of her dreams - would she sue you as well? You can’t suck blood from a stone and if her mom is out of work where does she expect to find $$ to pay $25,000 a year in private tuition. </p>
<p>Some people are never happy with the opportunities available to them. There is nothing you can do to change them and they will never listen to reason. Don’t get sucked into this problem that is not yours. It will only drag you down.</p>
<p>Just listen. Sometimes people voice their thoughts and wishes. It’s not all that easy to sue one’s mother and getting an attorney to work with you in such an endeavor if you don’t have the money will be a hurdle, but just let her “dream” on. It is sad that it is one of her “dreams”></p>
<p>One of my friends has spent the last 20 years in an embroiled law suit with her sister. Very sad. I don’t say much about it. In earlier years, I would, and all it did was agitate her more, and she is a friend in many ways. Just crazy over this issue, and I just stay out of it.</p>
<p>If the mother isnt custodial there must be something going on there. None of which is up to you to sort out.</p>
<p>Also the parents and grandparents are much older than you and have had time to form valid opinions of the value of the local public schools, even if they disagree with yours.</p>
<p>You care about your friend, and you obviously see a bigger picture that you feel she is missing. It’s very, very hard when those we care about are going down a path we feel is a destined train wreck. We want to try to tell them to open their eyes! In this case, as hard as it is, you really need to step back and either become her sounding board and listen, or distance yourself if you find you can’t bite your tongue. You very well may not have all the facts because frankly ‘A’ may very well not have all the facts. Even if she does, young people can often allow themselves a great deal of leeway into magical thinking, especially when faced with unpleased life circumstances. She hears one truth and spins it into a totally new one that suits her much better, one that barely resembles the actual truth. You just don’t know. Someone from the business office at her current school is communicating with her legal guardian (her father?) about the tuition for A and her sister. </p>
<p>Let her vent, talk, whatever she needs, or get the distance you need.</p>
<p>I would be her firend and listen, and keep out of the detasils, which her parents know more about than you. Also, how does she think she is going to pay a lawyer to sue her parents to send her to private school? And why does she think the court would not throw the case right out? </p>
<p>Parents are obliged to feed, shelter, clothe their kids as well as refrain from abuse. Paying for a 25k/yr high school is not on the list of obligations in the eyes of the state.</p>