<p>Okay, so my best friend recently revealed to me that she found her biological father on facebook, and that through it she's tried to contact him. She's not adopted or anything, her mother and this guy just never married and he didn't stick around; she's never seen him/talked to him/known him before a couple months or so. </p>
<p>Anyway, she studied his profile and then sent him a message with something along the lines of "I know we've never met before, but I'm your daughter and I'd like to meet you sometime". He hasn't responded, and hasn't accepted her friend request. She kind of plays it off as "oh, I shouldn't have done that, that was so stupid of me", but she did admit that she's mostly upset that he hasn't at least had the decency to reply. </p>
<p>She told her mom about it, but her mom really just went "oh", and left it at that. I feel lost in this whole thing, I don't know what to say or do. I know that this is hurting her, but I can't relate. I feel like everything I say/do is hypocritical (I come from a pretty "nuclear" family). Up until this point, I hadn't even realized she ever thought about her biological dad, so this was very much a surprise. Any thoughts as to what I can say or do for her, or is this just something she'll never get over? I don't want her to feel like she's the one at fault, when all she was trying to do is find out about her father...</p>
<p>Well, fathers, even those who abandon families, may not always be on facebook.</p>
<p>I haven't seen my father for oh, around 8-9 years, but I don't know why is it that I know he knows about my blog (from a single non-apologetic message he once sent) but never comments, writes, or corresponds. </p>
<p>It is really too bad my mother withdrew her name from his credit cards out of honour: she should have spent it to the max and spoilt his credit history.</p>
<p>I know several kids whose fathers didn't stick around and didn't stay in touch. In general, the hardest part for the kids seems to be wondering why their fathers weren't interested in them.</p>
<p>I think it's important that they realize that the problem is with their fathers, not with them. Their fathers are, for whatever reason, afraid of responsibility and emotional involvement. Many times the fathers even convince themselves that their kids will be better off without them (and in some cases, that's true.) </p>
<p>It's normal for any parent to feel apprehensive and unsure about parenthood, but it's pathological to abandon your offspring. These dads tend to have issues from their past/upbringing that keep them from feeling or expressing true parental emotion. That's definitely not your friend's fault, but it's normal for kids to look for something they could have done (or not done) that would have made things turn out different.</p>
<p>It's one thing for your friend to understand that logically, and another for her to feel it at an emotional level. Be as supportive as you can, but I wouldn't be surprised if it takes her several years (and a lot of maturity) to be truly convinced that she did nothing wrong. It is very kind of you to be so concerned for your friend. Good luck!</p>
<p>Well, Facebook was probably a bad way to go about it, because it's Facebook: A.) It's incredibly informal B.) Some people sign up and never use theirs and C.) most people write very intimately about their personal lives on their FB. So, her dad may not got have gotten her message, or if he has, he may not want to use Facebook to meet his daughter, for various reasons.</p>
<p>Yeah, Facebook is a really informal way of going about something like that, but that's all she has on him (Like literally the only thing she knows is his name). She doesn't have a # or anything. </p>
<p>It's just, she checks the page every day and it's become some kind of obsessive thing. And then she always says, "I shouldn't have sent that, I'm so stupid" that kind of thing. I agree that it probably will take some time for her to work through this on an emotional level, but I don't know... I just feel like a bad friend, I guess, because I've been busy with other things (aka work and college apps etc), and I didn't even notice something like this was happening. And on top of that it feels like there's nothing I can really do.</p>