Frustrated and disappointed with the outcome of my decisions

Applying to College
1

Hi,

I wanted to make this post because I just got my last college decisions yesterday, and this process has not gone AT ALL how I’d expected or hoped. I just wanted to post this in case anyone has any advice or if anyone has gone/ is going through a similar situation.

Essentially, I was accepted to Fordham, UVA, William and Mary, and the University of Richmond. I was waitlisted at Kenyon, Middlebury, Williams, and Vassar (yet my grandfather was the chair of the music department here for 30 years). I was rejected from Harvard, Princeton, Dartmouth, and Georgetown. Ever since I was waitlisted at Middlebury, I just had a sinking feeling that the rest of the process wasn’t going to go well; I was right. Yes, my acceptances are all good schools, but I applied to those schools thinking I would get in and never imagined they would be my only choices.

In terms of my stats, I am in the top 4% of my class at a competitive VA public school with a 4.0 UW GPA and got a 35 superscored on the ACT (34 non-superscored). I will have taken 11 AP classes with four 5’s and one 4. I am heavily involved in extracurriculars such as choir, scholastic bowl, forensics, literary magazine, caving, French Club, and many honor societies. I have attended the VA French Governor’s School, HOBY VA, and VA Girls’ State. I am a National Merit Commended Student and am super proud of my essays/ rec letters. Granted, I am a white female, lower middle-class. But I still thought I was qualified. I thought I would get into at least ONE other school. In fact, I wouldn’t change a single thing about what I’ve achieved in high school; I am extremely proud of what I’ve done.

So I’m frustrated. Everyone says that everything will work out. Most of the posters in threads were accepted into at least one high match or reach school. Yet I was rejected/ waitlisted at almost every single one of my schools. I never imagined that my four acceptances would be my only choices. Where did I go wrong? I’ve just had disappointment after disappointment. I know that decisions these days are just the luck of the draw, but I still thought I would have gotten into another school. I kept hoping that even as my rejections/ waitlists piled up, there would be a silver lining. But it never came.

I intend on accepting my waitlist positions at Vassar, Middlebury, and Williams, but I know that getting off of the waitlist in extremely difficult. I just wish that this process could’ve turned out differently, especially since I am proud of everything achieved. Am I alone? Is anyone else going through this? This has been a very rough couple of weeks.

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Your problem was that you had unrealistic expectations to begin with.

I’ll repost:
"It’s not personal.

BTW, to any juniors reading: Even if you have stellar stats and ECs, unless you are hooked or are nationally/globally renown in something or the kid of someone rich/famous or insanely good at essays, expect to be denied/WL’ed from more Ivies/equivalents than you are admitted to.

Those single-digit admit rates apply to you as well."

BTW, if you weren’t in-state for UVa and W&M, those wouldn’t have been sure things either.

These days, someone with your profile who isn’t in-state for UVa/UMich can only count on schools at the level of UW-Madison as sure things.

It’s a result of the US being a huge country and our elite privates being mostly small. The 30 schools I have as Ivies/equivalents actually have fewer spots as a percentage of the national population than the top 3 in Japan (Tokyo/Keio/Waseda) and considerably less than the top 4 in the UK (Oxbridge-equivalent/LSE/Imperial).

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@nmocha567, you’re not alone.

My twin DD’s profile very similarly (superscore 35/single sitting 34 ACT, multiple 750-800 SAT Subject Tests, 3.8 UW/4.2 W GPA, lots of EC’s), and while they have great choices with acceptances at Bates, Carleton, Colby, Colgate, Hamilton, Kenyon, and Oberlin and were waitlisted at Middlebury, Notre Dame and Wesleyan, they were denied at almost every reach school they applied to - 7 denials in all.

While they knew what reach meant, to not get admitted to any of them hurt them a lot. That said, we are proud of what they’ve accomplished, and they’ll feel that way soon as well.

We know they’ll do great things at whichever of these wonderful schools that they each pick, and am sure you will as well.

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UVA is very good and it’s in-state for you. Just work hard for 4 more years and apply to top grad schools.

The reasons why you did not get in top schools could be:

  1. White
  2. OK stats but no major awards
  3. Generic ECs but nothing stands out

It’s a very tough year. From what I heard, URMs/First gene/low incomes have done extremely well. Superstars have done well. Average excellent Asian/white have done worse than usual.

Good luck.

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@jakeowl: I would put it simply as “not enough slots at Ivies/equivalents for terrific kids and the admission process is by no means fair”.

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There are lots of you, because there just aren’t enough seats for those with top stats at their desired schools.

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Oh well, apparently we’ve seen a plenty of low stats, sometimes embarrassingly low, students got accepted into the very top schools, so I guess there are slots, but they just choose not to give them to certain groups.

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@jakeowl: Indeed.

As I mentioned, the admissions process to elite American colleges is by no means fair.

I just think it’s too bad kids don’t enter this process with their eyes open to that fact.

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And there’s no definition of fair!

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I’m sorry you are frustrated and disappointed. This whole process is emotional and it is difficult. Some win, many others do not. Take the day to feel sorry for yourself and then look at the options that you have and the amazing opportunities that are aheaad of you.

My dd has very similar stats as you competitive HS - top 10 in our state this year, 34 ACT single sitting, 4.64 W/3.92 UW GPA, 11 APs, president of multiple clubs - elected and appointed, hundreds of volunteer hours, regional awards, music awards, honor societies, amazing recs, district award winner for character, district scholarship winner for all around student, etc… She was rejected EA from UVA - not even waitlisted - so obviously while her stats were close to you, she was obviously not as good as you. She is on CC as well and directed me to read your thread with a WTH - she would have given anything to get what you are disappointed with. I guess this is how life goes. Is she upset - not anymore. She was for a day or two, then she turned around and looked at all the amazing places she was admitted. She had schools that her friends were wishing for (ohio state, u of delaware, UMD, Villanova, Pitt, Penn State, etc…) She could have grabbed for the golden Ivy ring but was advised well by us and her GC that it would be little more than a lottery ticket since there are dozens more like her in our large district, hundreds more just like her just in our county, a thousand more just like her in our state, many thousands more just like her in our region, tens/hundreds of thousands just like her across the country, but applications for these schools pour in from around the world.

Rest comfortably that you tried and put your best forward. No regrets. Go forward knowing that your future is bright.

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@nmocha567 Congrats on your acceptances, all excellent schools! I hope you seriously consider U of Richmond. It is a fantastic school. One of my Ds graduated last year, and she had a wonderful experience. She was well prepared for Phd programs and was recently accepted to Duke, UNC Chapel Hill, and UVA.

Classes are small, professors are wonderful, advising, career services, internship opportunities, dorms, facimities, food, are all excellent. The campus is beautiful and close to downtown Richmond, with lots to do. We have all fallen on love with the Richmond area on our many visits.

I also have a D who will be a rising senior at UR. Both Ds were able to start doing research with professors during their freshman years, and have had paid internships every summer, either on campus or off campus. They found that there are many other smart students among their peers at UR.

Opportunities to grow and learn, and distinguish yourself academically abound at UR, as well as the other colleges you were accepted to. Love the schools which are showing you lots of love, they are all fantastic!

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Looks to me like you have terrific options that a lot of kids would LOVE to have. On top of that, you’ve saved your family a couple hundred thousand dollars.

Not bad.

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@nmocha567 I am so sorry for your disappointment. When you work so hard for something for so long and it doesn’t go the way you thought it would, you need time to grieve. Please don’t think you did anything wrong, because you didn’t. We will never know why one person was accepted to a school and another was not, despite how much we try to analyze the situation. You seem like a smart, caring individual, and I am sure you will find your path in this world. Right now, if you were my child, I would give you a big hug and buy you a pint of ice cream. So here is your virtual ((((HUG)))) from a stranger far, far away!

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I’m sorry for your disappointment. You are indeed impressive.

Take a day. Commiserate with your friends. Let it hurt. Then move on. You have work to do.

You’re going to have to disappoint a number of very good colleges. Each of them is hoping to get you, but you can only go to one college. It’s now time to learn about yourself. What matters to you. What’s really important. 3 of the 4 schools that admitted you are going to lose out. Grill them hard. Make them earn you. You are the prize. The ones who have not admitted you have already lost.

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@PurpleTitan @jakeowl it has been a tough year, and everything seems to be increasingly more competitive. Thanks for your input!

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Sample of one that you might find interesting: Last year, a good friend’s son chose UVA over Duke and Penn. It wasn’t a money thing, as they’re in PA. It was his favorite school before applying, and it stayed at the top when they revisited.

That’s not a plug for UVA, as all the schools you mentioned are excellent. But please realize that some top stats OOS kids consider UVA a reach school that they would be thrilled to attend.

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@Chembiodad I am sorry for your girls’ rejections and wish them the best at college! They have some great options! Thank you.

@novicemom23kids thank you for your wonderful reply. Best of luck to your daughter; I’m sorry about UVA!

@mamag2855 I am definitely highly considering UR! I will be visiting on Monday for an admitted students’ day. It’s great and reassuring to hear that your daughters both had excellent experiences there.

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@tutumom2001 this was such a kind response! I am returning the virtual hug. And although I didn’t have ice cream, I did bake brownies last night, which certainly helped :slight_smile:

@ClassicRockerDad Wow. Thank you so much for those kind words.

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Sorry things didn’t go as planned. But in the end you can only attend one college and you have a number of very fine choices. As noted above there are simply too many strong applicants and the top colleges are forced to reject/waitlist a number of very qualified candidates.

It is best to assume you will not get in off a waitlist (consider it a bonus it that happens). All you can do now is to move forward and pick a school from the excellent options you have. Each one of the schools on your accepted list can get your wherever you want to go in live and your college experience will be largely what you make of it. Many people would love to be in your shoes!

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@LuckyCharms913 Wow. Good for him! I guess that goes to show that the best fit isn’t always the “top” school; I definitely need to keep that in mind.