OP for what it’s worth I’m with you. I’d be incredibly disappointed if my child ,who clearly is smart and capable (she attends a top school), basically slacked off at the first opportunity. I’d also be extremely disappointed with the school for also taking the easy way out with pass/fail…which conveys to the students that they don’t care whether the kids do any work. She lied because she knew what she did was wrong. If she was confident in her actions she would have defended them, not hid them.
I also think parents have every right to see their kids grades if they’re paying the bill. In many instances we aren’t talking a couple thousand dollars, we’re talking over a quarter of a million dollar investment in education. If I’m paying I get a say. If you want me out then you can pay.
I think it’s worth having the conversation about what happened an how each of you feel about it to work towards perhaps a better understanding of what you expect from her and to find ways that she will feel more comfortable discussing classes etc… with you.