I lied.

Student Lounge College Life
1

<p>Hello,</p>

<p>I understand that I am an awful person and I never should have done this in the first place. I don't know how or why this happened, but I wish I could take it all back. I wish it never happened and I could start all over again. I abhor my actions. I acted like a little kid. But I need to get this out somewhere because my brain is going to explode. </p>

<p>I'm sorry.</p>

<p>I started doing really really poorly in school last year. I would continually have bouts of 2 week time periods where I literally just could not focus on anything. I would just panic about things and then I would be mentally exhausted to the point where I couldn't function. My class attendance dropped and I began doing terribly in school. It was then that I told my parents my first lie -- that I dropped genetics and I didn't tell them. I told them the rest of my terrible grades, and I told them I'd work harder, which I intended to do.</p>

<p>Fall 2012-- I started off on the right foot but I was elected as an officer for an organization and became heavily involved with the organization and my school work began to slack big time. Instead of owning up to my lack of performance in school, I lied about my grades and how well I did. I also dropped another course without telling them. My grades are a B+ C- and a D. I told them I got A's and B's because I thought, I'll get better grades, I just messed up and I don't need them to tell me it. My parents are very very very strict about grades. Grades mean everything in our household, especially because they are the only thing they can really keep me and my siblings accountable for. We live in a very stressful environment. I told myself at the time that if I just told this lie, they wouldn't have to worry about me and I would fix this on my own.</p>

<p>Spring 2013-- I told myself I'd be better this time. I could really do it, if I gave myself a shot. And then I sucked myself into my organization and let my school work slack again. I went into periods of dark time and I am having trouble catching up. </p>

<p>I do not want to keep perpetuating this lie. Everything I am is a lie. I thought I could get away with it, but it keeps getting bigger and bigger. </p>

<p>I can't believe this is my life.. As a twenty year old I expected better of myself. My parents are sitting at home and they want me to show them my grades. I have been coming up with excuses to get away, but I'm pretty sure they'll find a way to make me log on to the computer tonight and show them.</p>

<p>I am not posting this up here now because I am about to get caught. I have been thinking about this for months, its been eating away at me inside. I've just been throwing lies left and right to protect this lie. </p>

<p>I just can't bring myself to tell them the truth. I know they know I am guilty. It is going to kill them, they are never going to trust me again. Grades mean everything, and if I tell them all of these things, I am going to hurt them more than ever. They will never speak to me again. </p>

<p>I never should have done this in the first place. It was cowardly. I wish I could run away from myself. </p>

<p>I don't know what to do. If you have any advice, please let me know. If you are disgusted by me, I completely understand. I am too.</p>

2

<p>Okay, you are being really really dramatic about something that I don’t think requires this much drama.</p>

<p>Guess what, you are in college and you are an adult. Even if your parents are the ones footing the bill, they don’t ever ever EVER have to see a single grade unless you show it to them. Why do you think universities have stopped sending grades home? You can go your entire career without sharing your grades and they’ll be none the wiser unless for some reason your grades fall to a level where you are no longer allowed to continue attending courses at your institution. </p>

<p>So I think your main problem now is that you feel the need to show your parents your grades and that they feel the need to see them. Now that you’ve lied, the best and least awkward move in this case would be to own up to it. This doesn’t mean you have the show them the grades, but something along the lines of “Hey Mom and Pop, I unfortunately didn’t get all A’s as I told you before and was disappointed in myself and therefore lied. I realize this was wrong. I did pass my classes, only didn’t do as well as I led you to believe. I’m sorry.” End of discussion.</p>

<p>Let it be known then and in the future that grades are not going to be a point of discussion.</p>

3

<p>I am a parent but no expert in dealing with this kind of situation. But I do know that I would be, very angry at first, I mean really really mad. But after that I would honestly want to look out and do damage control.</p>

<p>So tell the truth.</p>

<p>But before you do that, make a plan of action to salvage half of what is left of this semester. That should include, focus a hundred percent on your grades by dropping everything else that you are doing. Write down your schedule for going to Professor hours, for tutoring if it is available at your college, joining a study group, and if you can afford one, hunt for a private tutor. Make sure you submit assignments, write papers and start your revision for finals now by putting them on a very visible monthly tracker. </p>

<p>Once you have a plan in place, then maybe you can call up your mother and break the news gently. And really what you should be doing is start by apologising, asking for help and show committment that you are sincere and really sincere about fixing it by sharing your plan of action. Also be open to what they have to say. </p>

<p>Parents often come across as very preachy and unreasonable, but all they want, most of us do, the best for our children. And anger is part of our broken trust and helplessness at the situation like this one that you have. So allow them their anger.</p>

<p>Try writing to them too. Writing is a very powerful tool. It allows you to give a serious and sincere expression to feelings, the essence of which sometimes gets lost in yelling and screaming. And writing also sort of seals your committment .</p>

4

<p>Sounds like you are suffering from a) a lack of maturity and b) perhaps depression. Owning up to your sins shows that you are maturing…so that’s good. Depression - go get some counseling while you’re in school and the cost is cheap…I’m not saying you’re depressed, but I think you should maybe go find out.
Frankly, if you were my kid you wouldn’t have gotten the money for the second semester without showing me your grades. Your parents are paying a LOT of money. They deserve to know how you’re doing…and that you are having problems. Allow them to help you by telling them the truth.</p>

5

<p>You need to stop lying. As a parent, I would have a greater issue with the lies than the grades.</p>

<p>Unless you are paying the full cost of school, you owe them the truth. At this point, you need help in getting back on track or in finding a different track.</p>

6

<p>Have your parents helped you in the past when you were struggling with a big challenge? Do you think they’ll help you again? The more they know, the better they are equipped.</p>

<p>Remember, school serves you, not vice versa. And its utility is pretty low on the human hierarchy of needs. Your top need is survival. Then you need to be physically healthy. Then emotionally healthy. Then have strong relationships. All of that is possible outside a college campus. Exerting yourself in something with a long-term, hard-to-predict payoff only helps if you’re in a good state to build up for that payoff. Given your anxiety and difficulty focusing, it sounds like school is more a distraction from the reasons for your difficulty handling stress than it is an investment of time.</p>

<p>The main reasons to lie to your parents are to maintain their respect, their trust, and their money (if you’re afraid they’ll pull the plug upon learning about your dishonesty).</p>

<p>Telling the truth sacrifices those things to eliminate a source of anxiety (having to lie to cover lies) and to allow the possibility of emotional support from people who probably know you better than anyone else knows you.</p>

<p>You say you take responsibility for your mistakes so losing your parents’ respect shouldn’t be a big sacrifice; it should actually make you feel better if you’d rather them see you for who you are than who you wish you were. And you’re not just a college flunk-out or compulsive liar to them; they have all 20 years of your life to go on.</p>

<p>Their trust is a pretty big deal, depending on how controlling they are. Do you think they’ll kick you out? Will they go in the opposite direction and ground you? Or do they treat you as an adult with a free will, but with a dependence on them? Put your need for their trust into perspective before weighing it against your need for their support. I’ve never heard of parents treating their child as an enemy for lying about academic failure, so as far as I can tell, losing your parents’ trust won’t cost you any of your four needs I mentioned.</p>

<p>Their money is obviously necessary for you to go to college unless you have enough income to fund yourself. But again, it sounds like that’s currently counterproductive you you. It might even benefit you to live at home and commute to a single inexpensive class (probably as part-time community college student), focusing on a very small academic burden while taking it easy and becoming physically and emotionally healthier.</p>

7

<p>You need to be sure that you still have a good enough GPA to keep your financial aid if you get FA to help with school. After that, it’s really up to you how much effort you put into your classes. What career field are you studying for? Will you need grad school? Is your GPA good enough to get into grad school? If you meet that requirement, and can get out of school by graduating on time and start a career so you can stand on your own two feet, then it really doesn’t matter what your grades are beyond that. Truth is no one in the real world will ever really ask about your GPA once you are working. A strong GPA says hard worker, a weak GPA leaves room for doubt. If I were your parents, I would want to know that you are being successful in your major, and that you won’t flunk out. THAT is a true waste of their money! Just tell them your GPA and leave it at that. Do everything you can not to flunk out of school. Start maturing…</p>

8

<p>Pants: Are your parents generally empathetic and supportive? Your post suggests that they’re not, and they’d yell about the grades without being constructive about moving forward and focusing on what’s important. If “grades” will cause a major explosion/rift, I’d not show them the grades no matter pressure to do so - IF you’re not financially dependent upon them for college costs.</p>

<p>That said, if you’re on scholarship, are you meeting GPA requirements? What happens if you lose your school aid?</p>

<p>That said, what’s your gameplan for raising your grades? Honestly, being an officer in an EC isn’t as important as overall grades and academic achievement, when your GPA is at risk.</p>

<p>That said, get yourself to Student Services, get counseling and tutoring, and change your game.</p>