Only a cop out if you don’t take the opportunity to tell your spouse or family that it really doesn’t matter to you. But if you just don’t express your wishes at all or ever I think it just leaves the spouse/family thinking “but what would he/she have wanted”?
Of course, just my opinion!
When I was in college our church group (18-20 y/o) went on a “field trip” to a local funeral home arranged by our vicar. Mostly weird for us kids but one of the best learning experiences we could’ve had. Nobody had died (so no angst) and it was just " here’s what happens to everybody so don’t freak out later when you’re confronted " with these scenarios. After the initial shock then all sorts of questions came and I learned a lot. Definitely made a difference 40 years later to have had that knowledge when my parents died.
@VeryHappy – Donating your body to science is not something I want to do because I don’t really want my body dragged out to be dissected by a bunch of medical students. That’s a personal choice. Not everyone feels that way fortunately. You don’t have a say as to what happens.
I went to a funeral (church was packed!) for a big leader of the local community.
The pastor said “He told me this would be the only way to get him to church”.
I have been approved and have the official paperwork to donate my body to the medical school I work for. I checked the box to dispose of my ashes afterwards. I do not want a funeral, no service, no flowers, no obituary as @123Mom123 has said . I have an envelope with enough cash to cover a nice family dinner
in with the paperwork.
I may have to look into this, too.
I do like the idea of doing something useful with this body once I’m done with it, 
.
(Then I can have my ashes spread at sunset in the Gulf of Mexico as I alluded to many posts prior. Just wouldn’t be as an immediate or direct a path to the ocean!)
Interesting.
Cool thread, @Hoggirl .
Watching the news tonight…
I plan to be immortal…watching Wheel of Fortune
Donate to medical science. Cremate and throw in the trash if not. My dead body is meaningless. I just resent someone taking advantage.
No desire for a funeral.
I have terminal cancer and I want to die early enough for my family to get my whopping life insurance proceeds. If not, maybe a drink at the King Cole room. That is it.
Our family starting with my grandparents doesn’t really believe in burial. My grandfather donated his body to science and his wife and my father did also. My mother wants what she did for her husband husband. Donated body one night of shiva and then memorial luncheon a few months later.
I am also on the side of “donate any useful parts, and cremation for the rest”. Then have a short tasteful memorial service, and serve some very good wine afterwards. I have some old Bordeaux’s in the basement which will be appropriate unless I stick around too long and my wife and I drink them ourselves.
However, I am going to have my ashes either spread in a pretty spot on the coast of Maine, or thrown off of a pier at high tide so that the tide will take them out to sea. Both of my parents had their ashes spread in very attractive locations.
So I haven’t thought of my own but my best friend of 48 years is in her mid-80s now. A couple of years ago she and I binge watched The Casketeers on Netflix. Afterward she very seriously sat me down and said she trusted me implicitly to know that I would see her final wishes seen to. She wants a Haka…and she’s pretty sure her sons wouldn’t see to it that she gets one. She wants to be sent off in a way that celebrates what’s going to come next, whatever that may be. So yes, I will make sure she gets her Haka.
What’s a Haka?
My mom had made all the plans for her funeral with her pastor before she had major surgery in 2012. So when she and dad died last year, I just pulled them out and poor dad had to be an adjunct at mom’s funeral. Seriously, it is a gift if you let your loved ones know of your wishes. I knew they wanted to be cremated and interred in the church’s garden. Very cost effective too 
I find calling hours and a lunch after to be very healing in grief. I can understand that some people don’t want to have to stay at the funeral home and greet people, but I have always needed it when grieving. It was hard enough to have to wait 5 months to bury them (COVID) - I could have used the fellowship immediately after their deaths.
DH and I have talked a bit about what we want. I think our plans change every few years, depending on what is going on in our lives and that is okay, as long as we update each other.
What I appreciate is the ability for families to do what is best for them. I don’t think that was always the case, and it’s probably not the case for everyone. But for the most part, the ability to do what’s best for each of us & in each situation is very helpful.
Easier to see and read than to describe…it’s ceremonial in Polynesian cultures… Haka is performed for all occasions to celebrate the emotions of a significant life event. From wars to weddings and funerals, Haka are traditionally performed by a group of men, women participate as part of the chorus or in separate Haka. It’s a forceful dance with heavy stomping of feet, trembling hand movements, dilated eyes and protruding tongues and is generally not performed uniformly by all the participants. Maori believe the whole body should speak during a Haka to convey a particular message, whether it’s to welcome someone or to say good bye when a fellow Maori passes.
Ah, thank you, @JustaMom . I am familiar with this ceremony from watching rugby games and seeing the New Zealand team, called the All Blacks, perform this before the game. I’m told they do it to try and intimidate their opponent. I didn’t know what it was called.
Thought of this thread when I read this story:
Saw this article and thought of this thread: I Spent A Year Researching The Best Option For Our Bodies After We Die. Here's What I Found. | HuffPost HuffPost Personal
I haven’t thought about or planned my funeral. I suppose it’s probably a good idea to just to alleviate the additional stress on family members.
A live stream funeral on FB sounds incredibly creepy to me, but I guess if you can’t make it and want to pay your respects, that’s one way to go about it.
I attended a live stream funeral last year (well actually caught the last few minutes of the live stream when I learned about it and then watched the recorded version later). It was actually lovely. This was my aunt’s funeral, 2000 miles away during Covid. There was no other way I could have shared this experience with my cousins. Surprising its meaningfulness came close to the real thing, except for the ability to interact with the family personally.