Gay and nervous about having a roommate. Advice?

[JKaiya]

Hi, I’m straight, and the first and only roommate I ever had in dorms was GAY. So, although I’m not gay, you could take my thoughts/story on this.

This is all in my opinion, but you should 100% come out and say it at the start, though perhaps after their parents are gone as it might get a little awkward lol. But before you do that, I highly suggest you look for roommates. Almost every real college has that option, same with some apartment complexes geared towards students. Look for roommates, and put it in your description too. Finding a good roommate that you match with is sooooo important. I honestly got lucky with the auto assigned roomate I got as I could’ve gotten people way worse. Like I’m litrally happy that I didn’t get a roomate that was obnoxiously loud, a druggy, stays up super late, inconsiderate, and is a general messy person. But there was still a big problem that I had with him… It was that dude literally jacked off every night in his bed when he thought I already fell asleep, after a certain point the guy didn’t care anymore. Whatever you do, please don’t jack off to your roommate… and you’ll be fine… like please don’t…

I guess my roommate got lucky getting me cause I honestly didn’t care about him being gay as long as he didn’t do gay stuff towards me… Other than that one part though… I honestly liked him as a roommate due to him having a bunch of good qualities that could’ve been a lot worse with another roommate.

I really suggest you just say it out though. Some people really hate people who aren’t straight, others might be a little uncomfortable, others won’t care. If you have someone you know right away that you two will have problems, you can switch your roommates most likely. Talk to your floor manager or request help and they’ll likely do something about it unless you wait way too late where there’s no other options… But it is much better for them to know right away than to come to know later on.

If you have the ability to still though, try to find your own roommates as this much much much better option.

[PrdMomto1]

At my D’s school they were asked on their housing form if they would be comfortable sharing a room with a gay, trans, etc. roommate. I think it makes sense so no one feels uncomfortable or unwilling to be themselves. D said she didn’t care and was more concerned about having a roommate she was compatible with. Her roommate freshman year was gay and while my daughter had already figured this based on some stuff she’d seen on social media, her roommate did come out to her a couple of days into the semester. This year she is in a large suite with a group of friends, several of which are gay. She just can’t imagine anyone caring about their friends sexual orientation. But, she goes to a school known for caring, fairly liberal students (in the middle of a quite conservative state).

It sounds like you should hopefully get a single which is great. Keep us updated on your story!

[bopper]

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PerformingDude

CloudStudent

Mar 9

I am currently a HS senior, but I’m interested in performance, politics, and education! You’re into CS right?

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CloudStudent

Mar 9

Yep! Best of luck to you! I could’ve guessed by your username but I didn’t want to assume haha.

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CU123

1

Mar 9

I would ask you one thing, do you walk up and tell strangers personal things about yourself? I would think that you probably don’t. Get to know your roommate and then decide what you want to share with them. Don’t confuse honestly with revealing things that are deeply personal to you. The good news is that most incoming college freshman are very open minded.

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MWolf

Mar 10

My daughter is queer, and she is also an only child. So she basically made sure that it she would share a room with somebody who was LGBTQ-friendly, and stated this on the dorm forms. She ended up with an amazing roommate and they are best friends. They weighed sharing a room this year, but Sophomores are usually in singles, so they opted to take adjoining rooms.

Your generation tend to be a lot more accepting and comfortable with sexualities which are different than their own, but add to your preferences that you prefer somebody who is LGBTQ-friendly, so you don’t get stuck with somebody who is homophobic. If your dorm forms don’t have that option, call the residence people, and ask them how to ensure that you don’t get stuck with somebody like that.

Good luck, and go have fun!!

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jesse_sgirl

Mar 10

I just recently saw a conversation about this exact topic! One man said
something along these lines: they don’t put people of opposite genders together randomly because people wouldn’t be comfortable with that. And why? The only reason is the potential for sexual attraction. So, it follows -this is still him - that they shouldn’t randomly put a male who is attracted to men together with a man. He said he would be uncomfortable with a gay male stranger as a roommate, not as a friend, but as a roommate.

So, yeah, there are people like that, so like some people said above check with housing and make sure they’re putting you with someone open to sharing with someone who part of the LGBTQ community.

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last visit

LindagafSuper Moderators

CloudStudent

Mar 10

I think calling res life and asking these questions is a great start. I do think it’s a good idea to state your sexuality. Really, you shouldn’t have to, but the world isn’t quite in a place yet where it’s a non-issue for some people.

If the college you are attending has a Facebook page or similar for meeting people, join and try looking for a roommate that way. Bets of luck.

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srparent15

student2953

Mar 10

As a parent I would agree with this. I would have no issue with any of my kids rooming with someone that is gay, trans, opposite sex, different race, religion or straight haha. But many are not as open minded and would so why should you have to be anxious about it right from the get go? You are also not the only kid going through this right now. If you don’t match with a roommate beforehand most schools have roommate questionnaires they have you fill out beforehand and you can probably put that out there. The benefit in it is having someone who is not homophobic or intolerant. Also it’s no different than when you put a preference that you don’t want a smoker or early riser. The only issue I see is that you want to make it clear that just because you’re gay it doesn’t mean you’re looking for a gay roommate unless of course you are.

Congrats!

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CloudStudent

Mar 10

No preference sheet and no LGBTQ freidnly dorms or floors. How is this even a thing in 2021!?

Or maybe being gay is not something people get to have a preference about…we don’t say “I don’t want to room with a left handed person” or “I prefer blondes on my floor”…maybe it is that it is a normal variation in humans and in 2021 we just accept it?