<p>I’ll sign off with more useful advice for the OP (although I still stand by my statement that OP should examine why he felt compelled to tell his father and seriously consider if this was all an unconscious ploy to shield himself from the guilt of his desire to not live with a gay roommate despite what he wrote here - I could be wrong, but it would do OP good to think about it regardless)</p>
<p>OP,</p>
<p>At this point, if you want to salvage the future relationship with the roommate you have to cut your losses and try to do damage control. It sounds like your father won’t tell your mom before you move in and neither should you. You should tell your roommate that your parents are very religious and do not look favorably upon homosexuals but that you are more open-minded. You should warn him that your mom in particular, who will be moving you in, would be very anxious if she knew and that she currently doesn’t, and so for the couple hours that she’s there he should avoid doing/saying anything that would obviously indicate his sexual preferences but that once she’s gone he can be himself around you.</p>
<p>OP, I think it would be really good for you to room with him either way. You’ll probably find that you have a lot in common. College is where people go to grow and learn and decide who (not just WHAT) they’re going to be as they move forward with their lives. It’s where opinions change and lasting friendships are made. This is likely the first time you’ll be rooming with someone who isn’t a family member and I’ll never forget the bond I made with my first roommate despite the differences we held. She is to this day one of my best friends. If you room with him, you could find that he’s awesome and it may just change your opinions that you’ve formed about a whole group of people without knowing any personally due to your parents’ beliefs. This could be a life changing time for you, it’s meant to be! Let this be the first of your many defining moments in college. Do you want to live your life as your parents have, by shunning a group of people because of who they love, or do you want to be someone who breaks the cycle of hate, stands up for others, and gives this guy a chance?</p>
<p>If your parents feel that strongly about YOUR roommate (not theirs), and the fact that they will be paying for you to share living space, perhaps they should be paying for you to have a single, or maybe even moving close to campus so you can commute. Your roommate told you about himself so you would be prepared. The appropriate response from you would have been not to simply tell him you have no problem with his, but that it has the potential to be a problem. </p>
<p>Before telling your parents, perhaps you should have told your new roommate that your parents could have issues with him - and ask how HE would like it handled. Others here are right - as the person living with him, you have a limited right to know. While I don’t advocate lying to your parents, this was not your information to share. He gave you the opening to tell him that your parents might be uncomfortable, and he might want to watch his behavior during move in, if necessary. Or not… he might not be open, and he might not be flamboyant. He also might not be “active.” </p>
<p>Then of course there is the question of “disagreements.” I think you’re making sweeping assumptions here. I personally know several gay men who are staunch conservative Republicans. Other than gay marriage, they agree with most of the party platform.</p>
<p>If you still feel the need to move, I would move to a single if possible. I agree with others here, that you should room with someone different from yourself. But I am also a realist. Whoever your roommate is, you and your parents are going to end up uncomfortable.</p>
<p>I’ll step in this for a moment. I think you did right in confiding in your father. The only thing I might add is that while you may be uncomfortable, it may not be a problem, and your roommate might be a very likeable person and someone you very much get along with. Their sexuality will not affect yours. However, you are being asked to live with someone who has the same sexual attraction to men as women do. I know I would not have felt comfortable if I was told I had to room with a woman regardless of any potential attraction. </p>
<p>The way I see it you have three choices. Ask for different accomodations now. It might require moving to a different dorm, or paying more. Second, you can talk with your father and if he agrees you move in with this roommate and if after a set period of time, say a month or so, if you are still uncomfortable talk to your RA and housing about your situation. If you choose this option you might want to broach the subject with housing and your RA ahead of time so they are aware you’re not sure how you will handle it but that you are going to see how it works out. I would also be honest with your roommate. I don’t think he will appreciate thinking things are OK and find out they are not. Finally, if you are uncomfortable you could just keep quiet and live that way. I personally think that’s a bad idea for both you and your roommate. You’ll end up living with contempt, guilt, resentment etc. or a combination of any number of negative emotions. It won’t do your roommate any good either. Good luck. I am a dad and have daughters, however, this is the advise I believe I would give if I had a child in your situation.</p>
<p>MODERATOR’S NOTE
Posting a thread about dealing with roommate issues, be they neatness, partying or sexual orientation, does not violate the TOS.</p>
<p>Calling anyone a bigot on these boards, arguing about homosexuality or the definition of marriage, does.</p>
<p>Keep the thread on point and it will stay open. Otherwise, it will be locked.</p>
<p>Pretty much, dude, you have two choices. You can try to move rooms and never speak to the guy again (because honestly, he should pretend you don’t exist if you can’t live with him because of this). Or you can try to be open-minded and actually give the guy a chance. You still should never have mentioned a thing about his sexual orientation to your parents.</p>
<p>1.) Nothing wrong with a gay/bi roommate.
2.) Chances are they may be Christians/Religious too.
3.) If you have a minor fear of him/her coming on to you, don’t worry about it. Chances are you may be hot but he will respect your privacy (until you undress in front of him
4.) Moms I think are less accepting of gay/bi. You did made the right choice by informing your Father. IMO, You don’t know your roommate so you WILL want someone you can trust that is informed about this person if an issue arises.
5.) Don’t change room. If your are willing to accept him, chances are the next people will make your/his life a living hell.
6.) It’s ok to hug him just once. Trust me he will want a hug.
7.) Keep an open mind. Your roommate is still a “bro” and cool easily become your best friend. Unless he is a fem (a person that is practically girly) you will have little issue when heading out with him or something.</p>
<hr>
<p>8.) Don’t tell your mother.
9.) Ask your roommate in advance to not mention his sexual orientation to your mother when you move in. He will understand and try his best.</p>
<p>Honestly, you should talk with your roommate. You need to tell him that you disclosed his sexuality and that your parents do not approve and explain the issues they have. It should be up to him if he does not want to deal with your parents and this situation. If he does not, you need to move rooms. It is not his problem that your parents are not accepting of non-hetero normative persons.
If he thinks he can make it work with you and you want to stay, you need to contact your RA and see if they can work as a mediator with your father, and possibly mother. If you are going to remain uncomfortable and you know this, you need to exit the room AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. While I think people should view college as a place to expand their views and learn, your experience in doing so should not hinder your roommate’s college experience. If your parents don’t want you to room with someone who they may not approve of they should pay for a single, or at the very least pay for a dorm where that is not a possibility. You need to be honest with your roommate about this situation. You’ve already breached his trust, the least you can do now is let him know the absolute truth about the situtation.</p>
<p>You are an adult now. So you don’t owe your parents an explanation even though they are paying for your education. Your roommate told you about his sexuality because you have a need to know, you will be living with him. Your parents don’t have a need to know. It really is none of their business.</p>
<p>I personally see this as a non-issue. I am a Christian from a traditional family, so I understand why you see conflict from a religious standpoint. But your roommate is a person and should be treated just like anyone else. It is not for me, or you, or your parents to judge him. If you just talk with him and hang out with him like you would anyone else, I am sure you can become fast friends.</p>
<p>You don’t seem like a bigot. The fact that you are willing to live with him is evidence of that.</p>
