<p>I'm a freshmen living in a large research university in Southern California (yeah, I thought I would have very liberal-minded roommates) and I have two of the most close-minded, homophobic people I've ever met as my roommates. </p>
<p>One of them is extremely religious (i.e. he prays before every meal, won't have sex before marriage, hates homosexuality) and the other just dislikes homosexuals because he thinks they're nasty (said the religious roommate: "If any guy looks at me when I'm in my towel, I'll just call him gay and never speak to him"). </p>
<p>Now, they have said a lot of horrible things about gay people--so horrible that I don't want to tell them I'm gay for fear of what they might do to me when they find out that secret. I just writhe and grimace in silence whenever they throw around gay slurs and make fun of other gay people on campus since there are a lot of people like me in my university. </p>
<p>I have been going to GSA's and QSU's in my school though, but I hate having to hide all the flyers and posters I get from the clubs from my roommates. I don't know what the best choice would be though since I can only move rooms three weeks into the fall quarter (I'm on my first week) and I do not want my roommates to ostracize me for being gay since I'm a very sensitive kid and such. </p>
<p>Ironically though, I would prefer if moving out would be the last choice I have since I do want to spread tolerance and love among homophobes that don't even know they have a gay friend. </p>
<p>And so I ask you, CC, for your input, guidance, and advice. I can tell my roommates already have suspicions.</p>
<p>You can definitely move out if you need to. I don’t think it’s your mission to make other people tolerant - but rather - to ensure your own physical and emotional safety. I would talk to an RA and just get out of there. Not everyone approves, and I doubt you’ll be changing a devout Christian’s mind anytime soon.</p>
<p>I’m all for giving people chances, and I admire you for approaching this in such a tolerant, caring way. But this sounds like too much, and like the person above me said, your physical and emotional safety comes first. I guess if it’s something you really feel strongly about, you could try to be upfront an ask them to stop the homophobic remarks, but that’s probably a long shot. Likely the best option is to talk to your RA and see if you can switch rooms. Best of luck. I’m sorry you’ve had to put up with this.</p>
<p>I honestly don’t see it getting much worse. In fact, out them as homophobes and you might be surprised at the support you get. Ask your GSA for help. I would bring some guy to the room and start making out or put those posters up and not even warn them. No point being subtle or respectful around those types. You could beat them to it and ostracize them.</p>
<p>Maybe they’d even save you the trouble and change rooms themselves. You shouldn’t be the one to leave or hide anything. I mean this is your home now too, screw them. Being sensitive to their crap like you are now or to their not talking to you, that seems like your option. Either way they’re gonna hate you, but at least you’ll have stood up for yourself.</p>
<p>As for spreading tolerance or trying to win them over, i really don’t see that happening. Maybe if you’re in 8th grade or it’s 1992 but at this age, that behavior is just pathetic and you can’t reason with simpletons. Even so, who knows how many they’ve driven to suicide or depression or whatever. This is why i give no 2nd chances these days. You don’t want friends like that.</p>
<p>On the other hand, this is how i would handle it and if you’re just unable to deal with confrontation, go ahead and change rooms.</p>
<p>Maybe if you tell them that you are gay, they will request room changes. That would be a high risk tactic, though, especially if you are not a strong willed person who can deflect their abuse back at them.</p>
<p>“I would bring some guy to the room and start making out.”</p>
<p>What gay people don’t realize is that it’s rude to do this even for a straight girl/guy couple. It’s inappropriate to act like this in public or around other people, it makes people uncomfortable. Do it in private. Gay people get offended when the public does not like them kissing around them, they don’t understand that it’s just rude period. Especially when it’s two guys or two girls kissing, it’s just so wrong, even worse.</p>
<p>Yeah, go ahead and get a guy in the room with them being there and start kissing him, that’ll solve everything.</p>
<p>Kel is clearly a master of argument: “It’s just so wrong.” What a wonderful justification. </p>
<p>At any rate, OP, I don’t know if I would follow that advice necessarily – your safety comes first. Definitely talk to your RA and see what your options are. Remember that you don’t have to necessarily live with someone to change their mind. good luck and stay safe!</p>
<p>Now that I think about it, standing up to my roommates and their hateful remarks and dispositions towards the queer community would be epic. I’m not one to cause conflict though and I’m not sure I’m brave enough to do that. Probably, if and when I get fed up by what my roommates say, I’ll just blow the rocks out of the tunnel. It’s just weird talking about my personal stuff.</p>
<p>Just contact the proper people and see if there’s anything you can do about it. I think standing up to your roommates (while “epic”) would just escalate things to the point where you will have an even worse time living with them. If I was in your situation I’d make the best of it and discontinue being around them as soon as possible. If you have to let the lion out of it’s cage though, be smart about it.</p>
<p>Although I don’t enjoy same sex kissing in front of me, I don’t enjoy two people of the different sexes in front of me kissing either. I don’t think people should have a make out session outside, especially at Six Flags and holding up a camera to themselves while taking pictures to put on Facebook later.</p>
<p>I think the most annoying thing about couples “display of affection” is some of the idiotic things they do. Like Friday when classes just got out and there was a large amount of people going downstairs and this couple was side by side (but arms extending to take up the whole space) holding up everyone else by holding hands. It takes about three minutes to get down the stairs on a regular day. I mean, holding hands, kissing, and whatnot is great in moderation in public, but it’s not something I’d especially want to see in the checkout lane of a grocery store.</p>
<p>Actually, in 1950, wasn’t the socially accepted bigotry of the time not against two people of the same race or ethnicity kissing (as in your example), but against two people of different races or ethnicities kissing?</p>
<p>Provocation is not the answer. I’m bi and I can’t stand watching PDAs whether it’s guys, girls, or an orgy. All gross to me. In this case, since you’re out numbered two to one, I’d go the easy route and request a room transfer. It’s likely not going to get better and you’re probably not going to get them to change.</p>
<p>Ignore kel. He things gay people are icky and that we all think and act the same. </p>
<p>Engaging in PDA just to annoy them is a bad idea…they’ll get angry or disgusted and try to get back at you for making them uncomfortable. That’s not how you get people to accept LGBT issues, by forcing it upon them. As some of the other posters already said, PDA is awkward regardless of the sex/gender of those engaging. Plus if you annoy them, you’re in close proximity to them and could be a potential target for “revenge”…there’s no reason to feel unsafe in a room you’re spending x thousand dollars on/semester.
My advice? Talk to someone about switching rooms. Make sure it’s a possibility first and then tell your roommates that you’re gay/questioning and that you feel uncomfortable with the comments they’ve been making. That way, if they’re hostile and not accepting you already have an out, but if it turns out they were just all talk and are still willing to be friends, then you can stay.</p>
<p>Stop nitpicking my comment, I said it’s inappropriate to make out in front of your roommates regardless if it’s a straight couple or gay couple.</p>
<p>Let’s all take “Steelord’s” useful advice instead, “I would bring some guy to the room and start making out.”</p>
<p>This will certainly solve the issue. You ever tried getting in to the counseling field, maybe becoming an RA at a university? With advice like that, you’ll definitely make a positive change anywhere you go.</p>
<p>There are much more sensitive communities than this one; all they’re asking for is basic respect for people’s innate, unchangeable differences, not endorsement of them. Stop complaining about their “nitpicking,” and post your inflammatory comments on those other forums. I agree that PDAs are excessive from any combination of genders, but that’s where we stop agreeing in this thread.</p>
<p>My advice to you is to get over yourself.
College is the perfect environment to put yourself out of the comfort zone and try new things.
At the same time, don’t be deluded that you have more right to the room then your roommates.
Grow up.</p>
<p>notrojan, do you really think the OP has to “get over” himself when his roommates view him as inferior? This isn’t an issue of maturity. If he were having a falling out over something inconsequential and petty, then yes, telling him to grow up would not be a bad sentiment, but this situation is very different. Being belittled and treated as a second-class citizen is not part of the college experience. That’s not pushing yourself out of your comfort zone. The OP has every right to live with people who respect him.</p>
<p>OP, I wouldn’t put yourself in a hard situation like that just in the off chance that you can educate your roommates. If they’re closed minded, they probably won’t want to listen. You shouldn’t have to worry about your emotional or physical safety in your own home. I really think talking to the RA and get out of there.</p>
<p>Greylady, I too had a homophobe for a roommate and all it took to resolve the uncomfortable living situations was for me to realize that I am not better than him and deserve better treatment.
OP should do whatever makes him feel better but antagonizing his roommates can only lead to more awkwardness.</p>