<p>Hi. I'm transmasculine (physically a girl, mentally male), and am going to be attending UM in the fall. I was wondering: would any girls have a problem with rooming with someone like me? I can't opt for gender-inclusive housing, because my parents don't know.</p>
<p>Some girls might if they have no knowledge or experience with other queer kids. If you are assigned a roommate who cannot overcome her own bias then you will certainly find support to re-arrange your housing. More importantly, please don’t keep this from your parents. You deserve for them to know the real you and staying closeted won’t move them toward understanding or help you see that you are accepted. Though really, unless your relationship is very distant I’d guess they already know. I hope you have a GSA or other supportive community to encourage you.</p>
<p>@NACREOUS Thank you for replying. Unfortunately, I can’t tell my parents about it, and I can’t join the GSA. I was hoping to be more open in college, and I feel it’s important that my roommate is, at the very least, accepting of queer people. What would your personal opinion be?</p>
<p>Anyone else?</p>
<p>I would speak to the housing department, and I would consider posting on the FB group for admitted students, and being open with a potential roommate about the situation. </p>
<p>I would imagine most people would be absolutely welcoming to you as a friend, but in a living situation with a female who is mentally male, I think that is a choice that a potential roommate should be allowed to make, and prior to the beginning of session. And I think you need to apply for housing reflecting that honesty. </p>
<p>I am sorry you feel you cannot approach your parents, but I would suspect they are already at least partially aware, unless you are very distant from them. </p>
<p>@Decorative22 They don’t actually know at all, since 1) they have no knowledge of this kind of stuff, and 2) I myself didn’t fully realize until recently, and spent a lot of time ‘overcompensating’ for it. Do you think it would help that I still look female, and am attracted to guys (gay)?</p>
<p>I really can’t apply for gender-inclusive housing, and do plan on being open with my roommate. Once again, what are your personal views on this? (I won’t get offended…)</p>
<p>If your parents do not know, why should your roommate have to know? </p>
<p>In response to your first question, it is entirely possible that a roommate could have a problem with it. I wouldn’t just blurt it out. You may just take some time to get to know your roommate. </p>
<p>Also, I see at Michigan, there is a LGBT Friday. You don’t have to join any organization to go and you might find people similar to you. Also, don’t be afraid to use the university counseling services. </p>
<p>I have no idea how to handle your situation, other than suggest your speak to people in your life who could talk this through with you, and if you truly feel this impacts your living situation, then the people connected to that decision. </p>
<p>I cannot answer the specifics in the questions you asked, but if you feel your particular situation impacts living with another person, then you should tell.</p>
<p>If you don’t, then don’t tell.</p>
<p>I admit, I lean towards you should tell, because it seems to be enough of an issue that you raised it. You must anticipate something being an issue, or I don’t know why you would raise the point. </p>
<p>I wish you the best of luck, whatever you decide. </p>
<p>( and my personal view is that I would not care at all what my roommate’s sexual identity or preferences happened to be, I would be more concerned that they were a good person and respectful to our space)</p>
<p>How will your parents know whether you apply for gender-inclusive housing? I hope you are able to work toward open sharing with them about your identity. I’d definitely call the school housing office and inquire of them how trans students manage their roommate assignments. Assuming the school behaves ethically, any conversation you have is confidential. Maybe even check in with some queer advocates in the UMich community. You are certainly not the first transperson to attend UMich and probably not the first one who wanted to be out only at school. Trust that there are people at the school who are on your side. Call the Spectrum Center at (734) 763-4186. or email Will Sherry, Associate Director. They will talk you through the housing process from a position of experience and a position that isn’t biased toward the cis-heteronormative POV. </p>
<p>@Alexandre and @Decorative22 - Thank you. The reason why I would want my roommate to know is that I prefer being addressed by male pronouns. Currently, some of my friends address me as “he” in secret and others who don’t know (or are uncomfortable with it) address me as “she”… but in college I was hoping to be addressed as “he” openly.</p>
<p>I do plan to tell my parents eventually, but - especially since it’s something I’ve only realized very recently - I want to give it some time and mull things over. I’m still young, and my identity is still forming; I’m pretty certain that I’m transmasculine, but…</p>
<p>@geo1113 LGBT Friday sounds really interesting! Thanks for letting me know about it.</p>
<p>@NACREOUS Isn’t it too late to apply? I thought the deadline was January 23rd… And thank you for the suggestion; I’ll definitely call them and see what they say.</p>
<p>It all boils down to one thing: I don’t exactly want to make this a big issue or anything; I won’t constantly talk about my gender or whatever. I just want to be addressed by the right pronouns and seen as male.</p>
<p>Ah. If you wish to be seen and addressed as male, then I definitely do not think, to follow that through authentically, that you should room with a female in a traditional female/female arrangement. </p>
<p>As a human being- I would welcome your friendship and absolutely be accepting of your identity. But the college dorm living situation seems to require, for most living arrangements, single sex rooming. I think it would easier for you, and for your potential roommate, to have this part aligned before you have a housing assignment. </p>
<p>I would definitely use some of the resources listed above and have some conversations with people who can help you find the best path for you. </p>
<p>Good luck to you! 
</p>
<p>@Decorative22 I’ll see what I can do! Thank you, and good luck to you as well!</p>
<p>It’s completely understandable that establishing your preferred pronouns is important to you. Definitely call Spectrum and get in touch with Will Perry. They may help you negotiate with the housing office to find a place in gender-inclusive housing. Don’t delay any further! Best of luck to you, sir!!</p>
<p>Thank you, @NACREOUS!!</p>