<p>
[quote]
That was completely uncalled for. Most of the things I would ask of my roommate are common courtesy things, if you'll read my first post. Not being thrown out of the room I'm paying for without some warning is a common courtesy I would hope my roommate to extend to me. If I asked for a critique on my character I would have. Thank you.
[/quote]
I'm just telling you what I see based on how you come off. I don't know you through anything but an internet forum.</p>
<p>Listen the truth is, if your roommate is the kind of person who may go to a party and pick someone up, they're not going ot call you when they first meet the girl and say, "Hey, I may get laid tonight..."</p>
<p>Sometimes things happen. You should expect some respect from them if you ever run into the situationw here you need the room for an hour or two at some point and respect his desire for the room for a couple of hours atsome point.</p>
<p>It's not a big deal to pick up your laptop, pick up your pillow, and go to a friends room two doors down and give your roommate a hard time about getting laid later.</p>
<p>That's college. That's living with a person, that's part of hte experience.</p>
<p>^ money...</p>
<p>No, it's not money. It's really *******-ish to go to a random party, pick up a girl, and then have sex in a room you share with somebody else THAT NIGHT. It's a jerk thing to do (and slightly whore-ish). I don't plan to be in the room all the time, but I do plan to sleep in it, and I honestly should never be forced to pick up my pillow and sleep on the floor in somebody else's room when I'm paying 6 grand for a tiny concrete box.</p>
<p>Sex in the room in general is ok (like during the day, when I'm not likely to need in), or if in advance my roommate asks to use it one night, that'll probably be fine with me, too. But no I won't stand for coming back to my room dead tired and then having somebody tell me to get the **** out or else hear two people banging. That's not respectful at all and you should never put your roommate in that situation.</p>
<p>That said, it wouldn't be appropriate to give them a hard time about it RIGHT THEN, but yeah it would tick me off and the next day I'd let them know that I'd expect it not to happen again. It's one thing if both roommates are the type to do that and it's a give-give situation...but if one of them isn't, the other needs to respect that 100%.</p>
<p>Some of the people posting in these threads are exactly the kind of person that needs to change roommates in their first week.</p>
<p>
[QUOTE]
Sometimes things happen. You should expect some respect from them if you ever run into the situationw here you need the room for an hour or two at some point and respect his desire for the room for a couple of hours atsome point.
[/QUOTE]
Well, I'm generally ok with a few hours, I'm talking someone's boyfriend physically moving into the room. A few hours between like 9am and 11pm are ok, as long as it doesn't happen on a daily basis. I should have made that clearer in my first post. </p>
<p>However, I also agree with the sentiments discussed in [URL="<a href="http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showpost.php?p=4400979&postcount=25%5Dthis%5B/URL">http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showpost.php?p=4400979&postcount=25]this[/URL</a>] post. I just want an environment of mutual respect. I plan to respect my roommate, my roommate's privacy, and my roommate's needs, and I hope its not too much to ask to expect the same in return.</p>
<p>Living with someone has it's advantages and disadvantages. Romances and relationships are part of it and if you have chosen to live on campus (I realize that is the only option 1st year for most) in the dorms, expect this to come up. </p>
<p>Before everyone freaks out, ya'll should try and get to know your roommate before the move in date whether it be in person, through facebook, email, phone, IM whatever...anything is better than nothing to begin to get an idea of what kind of person they are. </p>
<p>The sex deal is going to be there at some point or another... </p>
<p>If you're rooming with someone in an LDR, hey it's not an easy situation (getting ready to be in one myself), but you should be able to get some sort of notice if a significant other comes over...be respectful and they should be respectful back, chances are if they are in an LDR they are pretty serious and have some sort of idea about appropriate and inappropriate behaviors. If they only see each other a couple of times a month, cut them some slack for at least an hour, they'll most likely really appreciate you and how you try to be understanding.</p>
<p>If you're rooming with someone who has a significant other on campus, they may be present more than you want so make it clear what you are un/comfortable with from the very first day...If they have someone right there, they should be able to find other places to do the deed and hang out most of the time because the see each other often</p>
<p>If you're rooming with someone single, hey that's cool too, that's how the majority of freshman wish to spend their first year, playing the field, there's nothing wrong with that. However, being disrespectful and intruding on their roommate's space out of the blue can get a little irritating if it happens too much...but hey it's their room too, they can't kick you out if you really want to stay because it is your room but I bet you it's not the best show you've ever seen... </p>
<p>Whoever it is you room with, you NEED to set rules down from the beginning and don't hesitate to talk to the RA anytime if it starts to turn bad. But, remember that even though you might be on the other side of the tracks now, I bet some of ya'll will end up with people you love and may want some alone time and it may not be easy to find it when your only true personal space is your bed! </p>
<p>Good luck to all!! And hey it's ok, Living with others builds character and it's a valuable life experience. Going into it with a sour attitude may not be the best way to get the respect you deserve ;)</p>
<p>What's LDR?</p>
<p>LDR = Long Distance Relationship</p>
<p>bazcat, which school are you attending?</p>
<p>I share all your views and attitudes. What I am going to do next semester and devise some sort of contract or agreement with my roomate to establish some rules about curtesy in the room. Like you, I am paying too much money(30k) for someone to disrepect my habits and hinder my studies. If the roomate refuses to come to fair terms or ignores the rules in the future, I will try to switch rooms as I already had problems with an arrogant roommate, which was reflected in my academic performance.</p>
<p>mabey i view the whole "sexile" thing differently as a guy, but leaving the room or finding a different ride home from the club or whatever when you're room mate is bringing back a girl is a man law...</p>
<p>^ I'm a girl, and I follow that law too. I know that if my roomie brings a guy back to our room, I'll get the hell out for awhile because I know that at some point, I'll be the one bringing a guy back. Its just the whole, do unto others what you would want them to do unto you sort of thing.</p>
<p>It's topics like these that make me so glad for the rules we had in our dorm last year. All guys had to be checked in at the front desk, and no guys were allowed past midnight on weekdays and 2am on weeknights. I never heard of any problem with "sexiling" and I most certainly would never allow a roommate to do it to me. Luckily, as long as this summer goes fine (my roomie's boyfriend is coming to stay in our apartment for 10 days next weekend, and he better be sleeping on the couch) I shouldn't have a problem. I have my own room in a suite this year, and plan to be an RA my jr and sr years.</p>
<p>I wouldn't mind being sexiled once in a while- luckily it never happened though. However, I had my now ex LDR boyfriend come for Thanksgiving because I didn't go home and my roommate was there for one night and one day of that time- and she would NOT leave the room. And was super rude about it. I gave her a MONTH'S warning and still.. Gah. She was psycho anyway.</p>
<p>One of my now ex-friends had his girlfriend who went to Wellesley come over almost daily and kicked his roommate out. His roommate would obviously get angry about this. She was over so much (like, sleeping in their room while her boyfriend was at class) that the roommate asked her to pay for part of his room and board because he had to leave the room more than he was in it! Eventually, if he walked in on them having sex, he'd walk out and leave the door wide open. ;) Normally that would be a jackass-ish thing to do, but every day sometimes twice a day this was occurring and they both were really horrible about it (complaining that everyone was against them because we were all "so jealous" that they were getting laid). </p>
<p>Just talk it over with you roommate first and hopefully things will work out. I think these situations tend to escalate more with guys because they won't say anything no matter how uncomfortable they are because of the "man law". But once a month or so has passed, it's almost too late to discuss it because by then your roomie won't listen to you.</p>
<p>
[QUOTE]
bazcat, which school are you attending?
[/QUOTE]
SUNY Purchase. It's about 30 minutes away from NYC.</p>
<p>
[QUOTE]
However, I had my now ex LDR boyfriend come for Thanksgiving because I didn't go home and my roommate was there for one night and one day of that time- and she would NOT leave the room. And was super rude about it. I gave her a MONTH'S warning and still.. Gah. She was psycho anyway.
[/QUOTE]
She was in the wrong, then. Unless transportation was virtually impossible and she had no friends to hang with then her behavior was uncalled for. A months warning is more than enough.</p>
<p>I what I need to do is sit down with my roomieand make a contract type thing. <em>sigh</em></p>
<p>I agree with diesel- total man law.</p>
<p>If your roommate comes in with a babe, you must get up, applaud his success, and vacate the premises.</p>
<p>But if she's an ugly, mockery must ensue.</p>
<p>No questions.</p>
<p>Wow, quite a few people posting in here that haven't gone to college yet, I can see. Alright, sexiling...</p>
<p>In general yes it is an aholeish thing to do to bring a girl back at 2am or whatever, unless you're in a suite and your roommate can go crash on a couch in the common room. If that's true then stop whining and sleep on the couch every once and a while, or bring a girl back yourself and beat them to the punch. </p>
<p>If you're in a single, though, try to work SOME sort of deal out on bringing a girl back to the dorm at 2am on friday/saturday night. Last year my roommate and I had an agreement with another pair of roommates that if one of us needed to bring over some blankets and sleep on the futon it was fine, and they could come over to our room if one of them needed to. What would have happened if two of us would have gotten lucky that night I don't know, but that never became an issue. Seriously, college isn't THAT easy. At least for a freshman guy.</p>
<p>The "hour in the middle of the day" is totally fair game though. Pick up your laptop and go somewhere. Go watch TV in the lounge, go study in the library, just go SOMEWHERE. As long as they aren't doing it every day its part of the compromise of living with someone else. You shouldn't be spending all of your time in your dorm room anyway, consider it an excuse to actually get outside and socialize or something. A text message to vacate the room and an estimated time that it would be appropriate to return is common courtesy. My roommate and I had a picture of a monkey giving a thumbs up we put on our door when it was safe to re-enter.</p>
<p>Now as to everything else you said; yes, they should lock the door. No, they shouldn't smoke around you/in the room. It's probably (99% of dorms, at least) against the rules anyway. No they shouldn't let other people use your stuff, unless you're talking about videogames (playing in the room, not borrowing), in which case you shouldn't really have a problem with it.</p>
<p>When my roommate wouldn't leave, she did even worse by having 5 of her friends come sit in the room once I got in with my boyfriend. We didn't get back til 10ish after having picked him up from the airport. Then promptly at 11, she informed everyone that she was going to sleep and that we all had to be quiet. Yeah... That happened pretty often that she would go to bed at 10 or 11, and since most of my friends lived about a 15 minute walk away and I just didn't feel like going over there, I ended up sitting out in the hall quite a few times just to get work done while people were partying out there. </p>
<p>If you have a roommate who is going to have serious, life altering surgery over winter break- change roommates! Mine was unbearable beforehand and ended up almost flunking out because she was too focused on the surgery, and she was a ***** every day afterwards- not to mention often being up all night moaning in pain.</p>
<p>In my last post when I said "single" I meant to say "dorm room that ISN'T a suite." Can't edit it now though.</p>