<p>So this upcoming semester I am living with one of my close friends in off-campus housing. We are sharing a room. She is an average student and looking at her past couple years, she definitely likes to party and gets ok grades but is not super serious about school. I will admit that the semester when I hung out with her a ton, I kind of got lazy with my school work and got my worst grades I have ever in my life gotten... I am living with her now because, to be honest, I just don't have any other options. I don't want to make it sound like I don't like this person, she's my friend... but I want to be VERY serious in school this upcoming semester. I really have NO intention in partying/drinking at ALL, weekends included. I know she doesn't feel the same way. </p>
<p>I'm sure she will want me to go out with her sometimes, and I'm just going to have to say no, and that will be uncomfortable but it isn't my main concern. I think I am capable of self-discipline...</p>
<p>my concern is if our schedules end up being super out of whack, and if she wants to be making noise with the lights on all night, and ill be trying to go to bed at 10 and waking up at 6... my eyes are SUPER sensitive to light, but I'm sure an eye mask/small lamp can solve that problem. fingers crossed.</p>
<p>but I'm not sure what to do about noise. If she wants to be making noise, I would just put earplugs in, but then how will I be able to set an alarm for in the morning?</p>
<p>What is reasonable to ask of her and what would be unfair? I don't want to make her feel as though the room is not hers, but I really, really need to be serious this semester because I'm trying to transfer in the spring.</p>
<p>Just ask if she’d be all right with being quiet after certain hours–like after 10pm or whatever. She can use headphones if she wants to watch shows/listen to music, and she can use a desk lamp if she wants to read or study. Or if you’re in an off campus apartment, you can ask if she’d be willing to move to the living room if she wants to do something loud or doesn’t want to use a desk lamp. Ask if she’d be okay with not having guests over late on nights when you have to get up early in the morning, but be reasonable if she wants to have people over on weekends and such.</p>
<p>Just talk to her about it. If she’s really your friend and she knows you have to get up early in the morning and are sensitive to light/noise, then she’ll be reasonable about it. But try to set up ground rules early so that it doesn’t come as a surprise later. Be willing to compromise on things–like being quieter in the morning if she’s still sleeping and such.</p>
<p>Have a serious talk with her about how you would like to focus on your studies. Tell her that you respect her decision on how she likes to go out and party but ask her to respect your decision on needing to go to bed at a certain time. If it doesn’t work out, I would say you should look for a new roommate for next semester.</p>
<p>Is your apartment just the room you sleep in? You could just designate the bedroom as a space to be quiet and work. That way you can have the lights off and a door shut, which should solve most of the problems. Me and my roommate were out later than each other at alternating times, sometimes I’d be back to our room earlier, sometimes him, but neither of us ever had problems getting in quietly and without turning on lights. </p>
<p>@Crimsonstained7 that makes sense, and in theory I wouldn’t think I should have problems, but the thing is that she and I lived together before and we were always partying. Im afraid that she’s telling me she will be serious but will end up wanting me to go out with her all of the time. I know that I can make my own decisions and say no, but I don’t know that i will actually do that and I’m wondering if I am setting myself up for failure. Just because something SHOULD be possible, doesn’t mean that it will be what actually ends up happening… I feel like it would be more responsible of me not to live with her…</p>
<p>the apartment we were going to be living in fell through, and now she is desperately trying to find another living situation. She is considering living with this random guy she knows who lives in his music studio. She just suggested this idea to me, and I’m just thinking two things… a) that sounds really ridiculous and b) if she is really considering that idea… then why should I think she is not planning to just get high and party like every week…?</p>
<p>It’s really just a personal decision. Some people are of the mind that they shouldn’t put themselves in situations where they could be tempted to do things they don’t want to do. Some people feel like they are able to monitor themselves and say no to things they shouldn’t be doing. Others know it’ll be hard and just don’t want to put themselves through that. It’s really just up to you.</p>
<p>I wish I had better advice, but I had the complement of your situation: I’m a night person, and would not get up until 9 or 10 am unless I had an early class. My roommate, a very close friend, was an early riser, and would go to bed at 10 pm and wake up by 6 am. The rooms had a sink in them so even though the bathroom was down the hall, most people scrubbed their teeth and did their makeup in the room sink.</p>
<p>We never even thought to ask about what hours we kept when we got a double together.</p>
<p>I eventually had to buy out the rest of her contract. I couldn’t take it because she was loud in the morning. But at night when I was studying late, I would be in the corner at my desk with a tiny light on and as quiet as possible and she’d be snoring away on the other side of the room.</p>
<p>But I was not a partier so that was not the issue. If you factor in partying in addition to late hours not matching yours, you may be one unhappy person. </p>
<p>As for an alarm, if your cell phone has vibrate on it, most people wake up if they leave their cell phone near their pillow and it is on vibrate as an alarm.</p>
<p>You might be able to make it work, but the answer might be you having to spend time in the library (on campus, so factor in how far away it is) on a regular basis. And make up some rules - no guests after 10 pm for example.</p>
<p>Change where you study…perhaps study at the library more.</p>
<p>Tell her that you have to buckle down this year…she can feel free to ask you to go out but sometimes you have to say no…OR…tell her you can’t go out during the week but she should ask you on the weekends.</p>
<p>thanks for all the advice, i think those are all great suggestions. I think I know what I want to do, and that is either have my own room, or not live with her, but I don’t know how to go about being honest about that. It’s hard for me. Especially because I know that I am her only living option and I feel awful bailing on her now. I think she will be really upset… and although I know it is POSSIBLE to make it work sharing a room, I have a lot of doubts that it would workout and I don’t want to get myself in that situation, I am trying to transfer next semester and I can’t get distracted. It is just a risk that is not worth taking. I have decided that… but now I am really freaking out about expressing that to her. I don’t know how to go about doing it, because I don’t want to insult her which I think is unavoidable. Basically I have to tell her that she is not hardworking enough and too much of a bad influence for me to share a room with her! Thats an awful thing to have to tell someone Would it be better to blame it on my parents saying no for some reason rather than telling her the truth? I am awful with being confrontational in this sort of way, I hate letting people down…</p>
<p>Just blame it on your grades last quarter. “Look, I didn’t do well last semester so I really need to buckle down and focus. Sometimes you’re a little distracting, etc. etc. etc.”</p>
<p>Keep the focus on yourself. Don’t blame her: “I didn’t focus enough last year and need to improve my grades, and I will be too tempted to go out and party with you all the time like we did last year….” I would not tell her she’s a bad influence on you and that she doesn’t work hard enough. This is about you and what you need to do for yourself. Does she know you’re trying to transfer?</p>
<p>I agree. This isn’t about her at all-it’s about you and your inability to tell her no. She is not you and may be perfectly happy going about things the way she is. That doesn’t make her a bad person or even a bad student. YOU are the one who needs to change for YOU, not her. Some people party. Some stay up late. Some don’t study that much. So what? YOU make a plan that YOU can stick to, then do it. It’s pretty rare for roommates to have the exact same schedule anyhow. One year my roommate had all late classes and mine were all in the morning. There were no cell phones so my old fashioned alarm woke her up every day. And sometimes she came in late after I was in bed. Stuff happens… Deal with with it the best you can.</p>
Would it be better to blame it on my parents saying no for some reason rather than telling her the truth? I am awful with being confrontational in this sort of way, I hate letting people down…</p>