Great post @hyperJulie
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I think it all depends on what perspective you choose. Some random thoughts to consider (this is long…rant ahead):
- for hundreds of years, people have been talking about how “things aren’t like they used to be” and also “what is this world coming to?”
- You can choose to wallow in frustration, sadness, self-pity, and anger for the rest of your life if you want to. OR you can choose to do something about it.
- Bad ‘stuff’ happens to everyone at some point in their lives. That much you cannot control. But you CAN control how YOU respond to it.
- Be the change that you want to see in the world.
- In times of great tragedy, we often also see amazing heroism. If you look for THOSE sorts of people, then all of your hope is not lost. Name whatever sort of natural or manmade disaster or war you can think of and there are hundreds and hundreds of tales of ‘man’ helping his/her fellow ‘man’ (and by ‘man,’ I mean the generic ‘man,’ ok? Fellow human, etc., etc.).
- Sometimes if you watch/read too much negative news media all of the time, it can leave you convinced that society and the world as we know it is going to come to an end very soon. If you find yourself feeling that way right now, I would highly encourage you to DETACH FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS FROM THE NEWS. Go outside. Engage in your community. Do something positive for somebody else for no particular reason. It will lift your spirits.
D24 has a friend at school who is of Bosnian descent. The friend’s family moved to the US as refugees. They came here with nothing. They’re renters. They don’t complain about it. They’ll buy a house some day. In the meantime, they’re grateful to live where they do, where they don’t have to worry about war, where their kids can get a good education, where the odds are much higher that their kids will be able to support themselves post-graduation compared to “back home” in Bosnia. Every summer, they travel back to Bosnia to spend the summer with relatives. D24’s friend’s parents send money every month back to Bosnia to help their extended family…this is money that could be going toward saving up for a down payment for a house, but instead, they send it overseas to help their relatives who struggle and often have to do without.
And they don’t complain. Why? Because they’ve seen war first hand with their own eyes. And honestly, none of us here in the US have anything to complain about in that department. When you consider that, it puts things into a totally different perspective.
Sometimes, when you are in the midst of your every day life, it is hard to pull your head out of the mess and see that, by comparison, we all have it pretty darn good.
And sometimes…just sometimes…we all need to stop, smell the roses, and count our blessings. Instead of doing the “woe is me” bit all of the time. It’s fine to “woe is me” at times, but if you’re doing it ALL of the time, then that could be a bit of a problem.
If you feel that the world is coming to an end and that sending your kid to college is a useless waste of time, then don’t send your kiddo to college. Go ahead and hide in an underground bunker or something for the next 20 years away from society. America is a really big place…if you want to become a hermit and live away from it all, you can totally do that here and nobody will bother you.
If you feel that the world is going to end because of climate change, well, then decide how you want to do your part. Consider your own ‘carbon footprint.’ Go live on a ranch in Montana and live a truly sustainable lifestyle, living off of the land only based on what you and your own 2 hands can produce. Build your house from scratch yourself using sustainable materials, refuse to use a car anywhere, sew your own clothes, buy as few groceries from the grocery store as possible, collect your own rainwater for your household’s water use, make your house totally off grid, etc., etc.
Or do something in between. Whatever floats your boat. You want to make a difference with climate change? Get rid of your lawn, plant some trees, grow your own food. Ride your bike everywhere. Or just use a paper straw. Whatever works for you.
But the continual whining about one’s current status? That gets old really fast. Unplug from social media for a few days if you have to. And stop comparing oneself to everyone else.
The world will get through this current conflict. It will eventually all work out and be ok.
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However, those who see themselves as worse off in the future (or worse off than their parents) are likely to have the more pessimistic attitudes, even if worse off is still better than what their grandparents had. The perception that the economic pie is shrinking for all but the top 1% or 5% or so increases the tendency to go to the scarcity / cutthroat / competitive mindset, where getting ahead means pushing someone else down.
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Sorry, I don’t buy it. I know people whose parents are maid in LV, they just turned billionaire recently without pushing anybody down and I have many more examples like that. Maybe if you are pessimistic, you may not have the attitude to take risk and succeed.
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I work with many that have high school diplomas who are making six figures. Many of these people have very nice houses and although not rich by many standards can do many things they wish to do. Many of them also have another income from their spouse. They may have several kids in daycare or one parent may stay home with them. The situations are all over the place. People make choices that affect their lives.
We have young people enter this workplace every year. Within several years they too can be making great salaries. Those with degrees may be in an office environment. Those without degrees may be working in the field doing more physical labor. That’s not a hard and fast rule though as people gravitate towards what works.
There are opportunities out there for young people. They can make great lives for themselves. It was easy for me to do better than my parents, they had basically nothing. I suppose if your parents are upper middle class and above it might take more effort. We all make choices. Those choices have outcomes/consequences. We can’t control everything but we can sure try to make good decisions.
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The problem I see with my kids in their 20’s is they all want what we have or what they grew up with “right now”. They didn’t see us when we were in our 20’s in our small apartments with no amenities. It was almost a right of passage to have the college dumpy apartment with goodwill furniture and milk crate end tables. I see my kids and their friends in luxury apartments while in college. Even while sharing apartments they each want their own room and their own bathroom. They seem to want the same lifestyle they grew up with immediately in their twenty’s instead of starting near the bottom and saving for that lifestyle. We didn’t get into the house they grew up in until our late 30’s. We didn’t have it furnished with “adult” furniture for several years after that, we did it slowly.
A young 20’s couple I know just bought a beautiful home and they’ve already gone out and bought all brand new furniture because every room has to be just perfect. I suggested they don’t need to do it all right away and it’s ok to do it slowly but that was met with absolutely not. Now I’m hearing the complaints about how they have no money and how it’s impossible to save anything. They have great jobs they just have a spending problem not an earnings problem and they feel that can’t reach what their parents have because they are not willing to wait for it. They want it RIGHT NOW.
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People almost always measure outcome against their expectations.
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I don’t see this at all with my D or her friends. They all want to be independent and are proud to be able to afford their own places without debt or overspending. They free cycle furniture and shop at Goodwill and second hand stores. D thinks it’s better for the environment that way too.
Yes there were beautiful luxury apartments built near my D’s campus but D said she’d be embarrassed to live there because they are too “extra”.
She also knows we started out in a basement apartment and how proud we were to have it. While she’s happy when we take her out to dinner or on vacation when she’s with us, when she’s on her own it’s camping trips and a splurge meal is a brew pub.
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I see this both ways.
My 21 year old is working rather than going to college and just got an apartment with a friend. It’s not one of the ubiquitous “luxury” apartments around here, but they do each have their own bathroom and it’s a heckuva lot nicer than the dumps I lived in in my 20s. They do pay their own rent, though, and have furnished it with secondhand furniture.
To the larger issue, I think the point about the perceived trajectory is crucial. And that is different for different individuals depending on their previous circumstances, but some things like COVID and politics are nation or world wide.
For my D22 (who has grown up into a liberal feminist) she felt like the rug was pulled out from under her when Trump was elected. Now, I’m not trying to make this about politics, really — I’m sure many people felt like that when Obama or Biden was elected too. It’s all about perspective.
But the politics were a big part of it for her. She told me when she was little she felt like there might be bad things in the world but it would be okay because Obama was president. She doesn’t really remember George W Bush. Obama was president for her elementary and middle school years and when the pendulum swung far right with Trump she was really shocked and dismayed. (Again, conservative friends, not trying to debate politics and I know that some folks felt shocked and dismayed when Obama and Biden were elected. Just trying to tell my D22’s story to illustrate the perspective issue.)
Similarly, COVID was a big shock to most of us who aren’t epidemiologists or scientists studying coronaviruses. This generation of kids was not prepared for that, of course, who would be?
Add in global climate change and Greta Thunberg, and wars. It’s tough.
There is always innocence lost when kids come of age, but it does seem like coming of age into a situation that you perceive as worse than when you were in childhood is having an impact on this generation.
I was thinking about that looking at some of the photos coming out of Ukraine showing kids. Their whole worlds are shattered now. They had the safety and comfort of home life and now it’s just gone poof for a lot of them.
Kids in the US don’t have that, of course, but I do think they have been shaped by COVID and geopolitical events. How could they not be?
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And yes, while “Kids in the US don’t have that” - we have more safety, more resources, etc. - I think we have lost some of the comfort to count on that. Call it apprehension, anticipation, whatever you want - we have lost the security that things like war and safety and lack of resources would never happen here.
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I remember being in grade school and every morning we had a drill where we got under our desks and put our hands over our heads. As if that would stave off a nuclear attack…
People have short memories. Covid is indeed traumatic, as are so many other things. But does nobody else remember the insanity of the Sputnik years where we were sure the Soviet Union was about to launch missiles on our biggest cities? I sure do.
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Everyone should go back and listen to Billy Joel’s “We Didn’t Start the Fire”
We’ve always had geopolitical events influencing the future of every generation.
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There was a fascinating documentary I watched recently about students in a very competitive San Francisco high school applying to college (I can’t remember the title of it right now, though). And in that documentary, 1 of the students who they featured was a junior who, during his junior year, talked about how the planet is dying, how we don’t have much time left to save us all before we are all going to die, and if he doesn’t get into a Top 20 school & get a degree in environmental science/environmental studies, then all is lost and we are all doomed.
And he was dead serious.
Then fast forward to senior year when he was applying to college, he had matured a little bit and he remarked about how he realized that the world isn’t going to come to an end if he doesn’t get into a Top 20 school, he realized that the earth is not going to die in the next 10-15 years, and it’s all going to be ok and it’s going to be alright if his environmental science degree isn’t from a Top 20 school.
So what happened in between all that?
He got some perspective. His drug addict dad got evicted, so he was homeless for awhile. He ‘couldn’t’ live with his mom in Sausalito because then he wouldn’t be able to attend school at the ultra competitive high school in San Francisco. His dad found a new place to live. The son moved in with the dad. The dad disappeared all day and all night in search of drugs while the son pretty much took care of himself. Shopped for his own food, cooked for himself, did everything on his own. He realized that he had more pressing problems to address first. And he realized that the entire world is not on his shoulders.
He ended up getting into Stanford.
Someone posted earlier about how they feel that every person has a responsibility to the world. I would argue that one’s definition of “the world” may differ from one person to another. What I mean is this - Let’s say that Person A does their normal proverbial 9-5 job and volunteers sometimes with a local charity. You could argue that Person A is trying to make a difference in “the world,” even though it’s on a very local level.
Person B - doesn’t have time to volunteer with a local charity, but has a friend going through cancer and drives friend to his/her doctor appointments when friend is feeling too lousy to drive him/herself. Person B is making a difference in “the world,” too, but on an individual 1-on-1 level.
Person C - works full time overseas for the Peace Corps.
Is Person C ‘better’ at it? Not necessarily.
Is Person B not doing “enough”? Not necessarily.
You get the idea.
What some people don’t seem to realize sometimes, in my opinion, is that nobody in this world/society owes you anything. Nobody owes you a 6-figure salary. Nobody owes you a nice car, a nice suburban house with plenty of room for a dog and all that, etc., etc. Stop comparing oneself to everyone on one’s social media accounts…who all APPEAR to be living fabulous lives. None of them are posting the raw, gritty, frustrating, unhappy stuff.
Every day in your life is a gift. And when you’ve had to stare death in the face like I have, facing the possibility thanks to cancer that you might not see your children grow up, then suddenly none of the rest of the “noise” really matters anymore. Look, life is hard and frustrating and maddening at times. It truly is. But even in times of great strife, it IS possible to find moments of joy & happiness if you look for it.
If you spend all of your time looking for misery, then you will find it.
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I watched the dismay and outright mental anguish displayed among some young people after that election. Good grief, if you are unable to attend class, leave your house or function because an election did not go your way, you might just be missing a few tools in your kit. It was a glaring example of how we - yes the WE overly represented here- have somehow given our kids the idea that things must go their way. And if they don’t, well, then demand a puppy and a safe space . Insist that you are entitled to never hear ideas not to your liking.
Each generation can look back and say 'hey dumb arses …look at the mess you’ve left us. But up until now, we’ve moved forward.
Maybe we haven’t given our young people the life skills they need.
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One key difference is the almost constant barrage of information. I certainly remember hiding under my desk to drill for a nuclear holocaust, gas shortages, the AIDS scare, the ozone layer shrinking, etc. But much of that was episodic or felt distant in time and/or space. You read about crises in the newspaper each morning and on the nightly news but once you left the theater, Red Dawn became just another story.
We didn’t receive constant updates in our social feeds, watch 24/7 coverage from countless news outlets, or walk on eggshells because any discussion of current events or politics in mixed company was bound to devolve into a no-holds-barred argument. Geopolitical events are no more frequent or severe for young adults than they were in the past. But their omnipresence does make people experience them as if they were.
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This is a lesson that I have taught my kids: The world owes you nothing.
Meaning that it is up to them to build the skills they need to survive and thrive in this world. This includes career skills of course, but also skills on resiliency, being will to take measured risks, recovering from failure, healthy relationships, and financial prudence. We are there to guide them, but the skills need to become their own.
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I am sure you are right. However, there is a certain amount of privilege invoked in your post.
Kids from refugee families during the 50’s, 60’s, 70’s didn’t have the luxury of “felt distant” in time or space. It was their reality. Kids with a parent serving in Viet Nam got 24/7 coverage any way they could- which in those days meant a short wave radio and learning to find a signal from some “faraway” place that was broadcasting the news. I had a grade school friend whose parent was active in the anti-war movement; believe me, they lived with fear 24/7 that a protest would turn violent (remember Kent State?).
If you grew up without constant fear- consider yourself blessed and don’t assume that because Twitter didn’t exist, there weren’t people around you (in your own neighborhood, school, town) that were living without fear. We had neighbors growing up who seemed to show up one day out of nowhere- they were Hungarian refugees who got out after the Soviet Union invaded. They had bounced around Europe and eventually landed in the US. I knew a lot of multi-lingual families growing up, but had never met anyone where NOBODY spoke English! The parents were educated professionals who got menial jobs to support the family. I can assure you that they followed the news 24/7; many family members who did not get out, colleagues, neighbors, etc.
Those who forget the past, etc. etc. People obsessed about the safety of their family members even before social media.
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I generally agree with you, and I think most everyone on this forum is likely speaking from a place of immense privilege in comparison with much of the world currently and with a couple generations ago. My point was not so much that millennials are in an objectively bad place, but that in most measurable metrics (income, lifestyle, etc.), we’re worse off on average than our parents. It can be simultaneously true that millennials are objectively worse off than the previous generation while still generally being very fortunate in the grand scheme of things. Though I’m not sure previous generations have seen crippling debt quite like millennials have. A friend of mine, for instance, took out about $30K in loans to go to state school. She’s made about $10K in payments since she graduated 8 years ago. She now owes $70k.
There are always cases of people who do exceptional things. My dad is a cleaner and my mom is a disabled former factory worker, and I have a PhD and make six figures. But aside from hard work and persistence I am also intellectually gifted, and without that I wouldn’t be in the position I am in. Maybe it’s idealistic but one shouldn’t need to be exceptional to not constantly be on the brink of financial disaster.
I saw a little of this when I went to an expensive private college with people who grew up quite wealthy, but once I transferred to state school I really didn’t see this anymore. Most of my circle (including myself) spent our 20s in the “dumpy” apartments with thrifted furniture. Even in my 30s the vast majority of my furniture is still second-hand and/or flat-pack. I see some of my graduate classmates buying homes or renting luxury spaces, but for the most part my circle still rents average-to-crappy spaces. Again I think the CC bubble may not be representative of the millennial experience as a whole.
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