Gifted and Talented Parents trials and tribulations

Parents Forum
21

<p>Keep in mind that gifted kids and gifted adults are still people underneath all that mental ability, with all the good and bad of people everywhere. Why should a gifted kid be any more motivated to use his/her talents that anyone else? It may be sad, like allmusic's kid, but it is life. </p>

<p>The good news, as I see it, is that there are a lot of paths to happiness. And top achievement is not always one of them. Or maybe alternative challenges, like music!</p>

<p>I remember reading some research results a few years ago that found that beyond a relatively low ceiling (around 120 or so) IQ was not associated with either career success or life happiness (except in a few exceptional fields, of course). So it is just another tool.</p>

<p>BTW, just as curious to me is the work that studied gifted children. Although conventional wisdom has some curious idea of compensating balances: the old stereotype of the smart kid being uncoordinated, thick glasses, sociallly awkward etc., in life it is just the opposite. Far more gifted children are good athletes and popular than normal kids. Very interesting.</p>

22

<p>Actually, newmassdad, there is a correlation between myopia and I.Q.

[quote]
It has long been observed in different countries (e.g., Israel, the United States, and New Zealand) that myopic children have higher intelligence quotient (IQ) test scores. While an explanation for the association of myopia with higher IQ is lacking, it has been hypothesized that there may be a link between eyeball axial length and cerebral development, or that both myopia and IQ may be influenced by the same genes.

[/quote]
Some studies show a greater link between nonverbal IQ and myopia. <a href="http://www.iovs.org/cgi/content/full/45/9/2943%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://www.iovs.org/cgi/content/full/45/9/2943&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

<p>I hope it's true -- there has to be some compensation for the amount we've spent on optometry over the years!</p>

23

<p>
[quote]
I hope it's true -- there has to be some compensation for the amount we've spent on optometry over the years!

[/quote]
</p>

<p>Heh - too true. My theory is that all that early reading gives their eyes a fixed focal length. Anything beyond the distance from eye to book becomes a blur!</p>

24

<p>There is some good epidemiological evidence that myopia is influenced by both genetic and environmental factors, so that a child who devotes more rather than less time to reading increases the risk of needing eyeglasses. My mother, a lifelong avid reader, was lucky to avoid glasses until she developed presbyopia in her fifties, but most people with the genes prevalent in my dad's family start wearing glasses for myopia in childhood--the earlier, the more they like to read.</p>

25

<p>Newmass, my kid didn't have the sad story (hopefully never!!!); that was a friend of mine's son. </p>

<p>There is some truth to some social awkwardness among the uberbright, though, mainly because their interests rarely intersect well with their age peers, particularly when they are younger. We got our son a Nintendo when he was about seven, because it helped him have a point of reference with other kids. Now music is that point of reference for him, but he could still go off on tangents about the theoretical aspects of a composition, and fortunately he has found agemates/friends that share that interest. We are actually amazed at how socially adept our kid is as a teenager, because we were quite worried about this when he was younger.</p>

<p>But for a kid who wants to talk quantum physics or analyze math problem sets in their spare time, the regular banter of agemates can be problematic. It does even out a bit over time, but can be damaging to these kids in quite formative years, without efforts to find places for them to share their interests and feel less weird.</p>

26

<p>Both my kids have always been in programs for the so-called "highly-capable" (what the kids are called around here). Both have about the same IQ (for what its worth, one wears contacts the other doesn't need correction), both are quite athletic (each have multiple black belts) and both are outgoing. While they are, in my "perhaps" biased opinion, well rounded kids who get along well with most people, they do gravitate, in terms of close friends, to those with whom a more informed conversation is possible. Being in an environment where they were not the odd person out, has contributed greatly to what I believe to be a more "normal" development, and a better overall experience. What is nice about the middle school and high school environment is that the program is located in a very diverse neighborhood school where all kind of kids mix together. Though I have some pedagogical issues with the program (particularly at the middle school level), I am grateful for the social opportunities and have seen my kids benefit from them. Perhaps it is possible to have it all.</p>

27

<p>I hesitated to post here in this thread because I don't want to start a debate. I was accellerated in school and started college at age 16. Everything went fine. I ended up in a top laws school at age 20, graduated at 23. </p>

<p>Based on my own experience, I would definitely not want the same for my kids. </p>

<p>I think the summing up from the other thread -- where it turned out that at least 3 other CC regular parent posters were also "baby lawyers"... is that the end result of the early accelleration is that we spent more years of our life stressed-out and working, and less having fun... because (in hindsight) while we were rushing headlong through school, we missed the opportunities that childhood and adolescence afford.</p>

<p>The problem is that its very difficult to appreciate the value of emotional maturity when still a child -- it never occured to me then to attribute any social problem or acamedic challenge to age factors. With the academics it was particularly hard to see, because of course I was doing well - only in hindsight do I see where I would probably have done better, not in comparison to other kids, but in knowing what my potential was as I matured.</p>

<p>I am glad I encouraged my daughter to take a different approach, to focus on studying dance as well as academics, to use the time gained in high school from taking advanced classes in 9th grade as an opening for a foreign exchange experience rather than early graduation. I think the confidence level and maturity she has will open up many more doors for her along the way. At 16 I still hadn't crossed the bridge from childhood to adulthood - and neither had my daughter. At 18 I think she has. </p>

<p>I also have to note that my accelleration meant that at age 16 I was exposed to the full array of college dorm life, and I was proud of myself at the time for not behaving like a naive little teenager, but rather fully partaking of everything that college life had to offer. So I was one of the more "wild" ones in my dorm. I enjoyed myself and have great memories .. but as a parent I have to admit that I really didn't want the same for my daughter. And of course only in hindsight that I realize that my wildness was NOT a sign of uber-sophistication, but rather was just an aspect of immaturity. </p>

<p>I know that each family needs to make its own choices, and there is no one right path. A lot depends on what is available to the kids at home -- my own high school was much more constraining than my daughter's. I was fortunate to be raising my kids in a major urban center, so there certainly were plenty of opportunities for lateral enrichment of their lives. And I definitely would not second-guess anyone once the decision has been made. But its just that if I were to be asked prospective advice for a kid considering early graduation, I would tend to recommend a gap year rather than immediately going to college.</p>

28

<p>Calmom- that's funny. I also started law school at 20 (turned 21 shortly after starting) and was at a top law school. I still had a lot of fun in law school, but back then kids were a little younger in general than today in the same grades.
My kids are a little older due to fall birthdays and the Sept 1 cutoff for schools (even private) in the city where they started school. It served them well. In fact, WildChild added a year of high school and is turning 20 his freshman year in college. D is turning 22 as a senior in college. Both kids have reported that often (not always) it is the younger kids who have trouble adjusting to the social scene at high school and college. There are many exceptions and every kid has to take the right path for him or her.</p>

29

<p>Calmom, I certainly appreciate your perspectives as someone who was an early graduate herself. Frankly, it was never in my plans for my kid. I recall my much younger sister in law graduating high school two years early and thinking, not such a great idea. But until we are all put in situations, it is easy to say what we'd do if.... But I have the kid I have and this kid had a well articulated rationale and while I never would have chosen this, I have supported my child's drive for the path that she felt met her needs the best. I am not an advocate for early graduation and I agree with suggestions you have made, in general. But then, I've gotta go with the individual kid that I've got. Her path is not the norm, that is for sure. </p>

<p>By the way, a lot of the talk in posts about gifted kids doesn't all apply to my own kid. For one thing I have no clue my kids' IQs. Never had them tested, and I have no need to find out. They do not have any official label and we have no policies or programs for the gifted where we live. They fit various aspects of the description and they have needed accomodations, including acceleration, independent studies, etc. along the way. Since I was mostly discussing my younger child on this thread, I have to say that there was one thing where she did not fit the typical "image" one often reads about with gifted kids. She was not the odd person, a loner, reserved, introverted, not included, etc. She was and is just the opposite. She was very social, popular, a leader, and very involved outside of intellectual endeavors, even though intellectually she was beyond her peers in so many ways. I recall the elementary school principal also discussing how she was not the typical gifted kid profile in this way. She is extremely social, exhuberant, and is the one noticed in a crowd...she tends to lead. She is "out there". </p>

<p>So, we were not so much faced with finding a place for her to belong and stuff like that. We were faced with solving academic issues of work at her level (acceleration), her pace (fast), and the depth she craved (indep. studies) and her writing (well beyond her years). But socially, there were not issues. She fit in with older kids. She gets on with all types, though she has a deep deep deep passion for performing arts and absolutely loves being with kids who share this intense passion and commitment but she also loves her regular friends as well. The social awkwardness was not an issue for her. I do believe that is an issue for many gifted kids. So, there were issues about meeting her needs in terms of academics, intellect, artistic, etc. but the social issues were not problematic at all. It wasn't like she didn't fit in. She was on another level from age peers but made it work. But she also had classes with much older kids and spent summers with older kids in a program in her field and so she had her "fix" to be with others more on her level in the classroom and in her extracurricular pursuits. Example, as a seventh and eighth grader, she was the lead in the HIGH school plays and musicals. She took some classes with 12 graders. She was in dance classes outside of school with much older girls based on level. And so on and so forth. So, that whole aspect was not problematic and thus there are no issues like that for her in college now. </p>

<p>Frankly, college is going great because intellectually, artistically, and socially, she is in the right place. Last year as a freshman in college at 16-17, when she came back home to visit (rarely!), and went by the high school to see everyone (her real class were currently the senior class), she would remark that she could not imagine if she had still been there. And she is right. I cannot imagine her there last year compared to what her life was like and what she was doing in NYC at NYU/Tisch. I am glad we followed her lead, though at the time she begged us to let her graduate early (mid tenth grade, age 15), I could hardly get used to the idea. She is someone who knows herself. That is what the guidance counselor has said all along. We have let her lead the way and supported this drive. It may not be what I would have planned or chosen but I not only accept the path she chose, but I totally see why it really was the right one for her. Each case is so different that I could not recommend this path but I surely could not discourage it either. For some, it is the right path.</p>

30

<p>Calmom, We can add momofwildchild to our ever growing group of baby lawyers. I started law school at 19. Huge mistake (not the least of which was the inability to join my classmates after school at the local pub). But I didn't realize what a disaster this acceleration was until I was 30 and burned out as an attorney. At first, I thought it was so cool to be 22 and practing law; I loved being the youngest! But, if you pardon the pun, that got old. And eventually I realized what I had missed in my race to get there before everyone else. For my son, whose IQ is well above mine, I've gone out of my way (literally and financially) to make sure he had an appropriate education for his abilities while being with agemates to whom he could relate. For him, it's been the best of both worlds -- he gets to socialize at an age appropriate level with peers, yet gets the intellectual stimulation from teachers and classmates who enjoy education as much as he does. Not everyone has the option, I understand, but I really recommend people try other options before jumping into acceleration. Otherwise, your son or daughter ends up racing through what should be a great time of mistakes and exploration and gets to the finish line way too early.</p>

31

<p>Soozie, my guess from what you are saying is that your daughter probably seems older than she is, in any case. I have seen this in some other theater kids as well -- I mean, kids who just seem to have a stage presence and talent pouring out of their ears, so at age 12 they can have the lead in a musical and belt out a song and leave everyone else in awe. </p>

<p>A down side of that, from a parental perspective, is that these kids can easily "pass" for much older. My daughter is very petite, but when came home from overseas at age 16 another passenger on the plan asked if she was married... and very soon after that she had guys in their early 20's calling her and wanting to go out. I understood that, because even I had done a double-take when I went to the airport to meet her - I was admiring a really chic young woman in her early 20s when I realized I was looking at my daughter. Anyway, she just didn't look like a young teenager. </p>

<p>IF the kids also have emotional maturity and good judgment to go along with their physical & intellectual precociousness, they will be fine. But I was just talking with my daughter today about a small handful of girls at her college who are going wild with the drinking & partying, and how the girls who are doing it really put themselves in some very unsafe situations. My d. was shaking her head at it all, but that is simply one reason that I wouldn't encourage other 16 year olds to follow down the same path. Of course, plenty of 18 year olds show similar poor judgment -- but since you and I both have daughters in Manhattan, you must be aware that its a place where a kid can potentially get into a lot of trouble. </p>

<p>I think that if you have a kid who seems to precocious on all levels - physically, socially and emotionally as well as intellectually, then you may simply have a situation where the chronological age doesn't happen to correlate with the child's internal clock or timetable. So then there really is no reason to try to fight nature and hold the kid back -- as long as parents are also comfortable with the emerging sexuality of such kids. I'm not saying anything about your daughter, Soozie -- just the reality of the fact that a 16-year-old who looks and acts like she's 20 is probably going to end up dating men in their 20's.... and I think that a parent needs to be comfortable with that possibility before saying yes to early college. </p>

<p>But the main thing that concerns me is when I see parents of gifted kids referencing the "asynchronous" development of their kids, IF by that they mean that their kid still has some social & emotional growing to do. I think the social/emotional aspect is a very important aspect. </p>

<p>I probably wouldn't live my life much differently if I had it all to do over again, except somewhere along the line there was a year living in Europe that I never had and wished I did.... though perhaps for me it would have been better to defer entry into law school for a year and do it all at age 20. </p>

<p>I would note that your own daughter is pursuing the type of career where youth has definite advantages, and there still is room for a lot of fun and adventure. My d. has known ballet dancers who were apprenticed to major companies by age 16... and for ballet it makes sense, because their best years physically are a thing of the past by the time they are 30. Youth is definitely a huge asset in the performing arts. So I think what makes sense for a kid who wants to make her mark on Broadway might not be the same for a kid whose goal is law or medicine -- where the wisdom that comes with a few extra years of life experience are far more important. I mean, I had many classmates in law school who were in their late 20's or early 30's, and they tended to be the ones who seemed to do best at school, both in terms of grades and the job offers they later ended up with.</p>

32

<p>BurnThis, it sounds like you and I had very similar experiences. Part of it might be the down side of law as a career. I wouldn't say I totally regret it -- at least I had the chance to get enough experience under my belt to take on some very interesting and significant cases before I started childrearing, and I was still able to have my kids when I was young enough to avoid some of the risks that older women face with pregnancies. </p>

<p>But the bottom line is that there is nothing a lawyer can do at age 22 that can't be done just as well at age 25 -- no particular advantage to an early start other than hitting that burnout point sooner. I think law is one of those careers where looking young can be a great disadvantage, too -- it's important to have judges, opposing counsel, and clients take you seriously, and that really is harder if you look like Ally McBeal. (I don't think the Doogie Houser look is all that confidence-inspiring in a doctor, either). </p>

<p>Anyway, law is such a meatgrinder an occupation that I really think it is better to wait before embarking on it, if at all possible. But its interesting that so many of us here started early, isn't it?</p>

33

<p>My S has also been very "gifted," & was told he could easily enter kindergarten at age 3 instead of 5+ academically. His social/emotional skills were linked to his age, so we help him back & had him start K at 5+ instead. We have ALWAYS been glad we did so, tho there have been many times we have had to supplement his learning opportunities and scouted for appropriate options for him. His senior year, he took 9 AP exams for 5 AP classes + some self study + marching band & had a great year. He's now a freshman who will be turning 19 in November & is the happiest we've ever heard him. He's at a school which appears to be an excellent match for him with great buddies to explore & learn with.
I certainly understand why parents whose kids have the social/emotional maturity as well as intellectual ability may have found other choices to work best for them. For us, the main thing we always stressed with our kids is that we wanted them to develop social skills & friendships rather than be the most brilliant, loneliest kids around. For us, this appears to have worked.</p>

34

<p>HIMom, what you mention is so critical. There are a lot of brilliant kids but in other developmental areas, they are their chronological age. So, simply accelerating academically doesn't necessarily fit. They must have intellectual challenge and ways to accomodate that but graduating early isn't always a good answer because they are not ALSO socially accelerated. That is often the typical gifted case. For some reason, my kid doesn't fit that typical profile in that she also was ahead in the social sphere and truly fits into the older peer group and leads it. </p>

<p>CalMom....very interesting comments and I appreciate them. One thing I must clarify is that my D does not PHYSICALLY look older than her age. You may have inferred that when I said that nobody thinks of her as younger. They don't but it is because she merely comes across as older but that is not a physical thing at all. It is more of a social, verbal, intellectual, emotional level. I'd say she looks her true age which is about to turn 18. So, older guys don't physically mistake her for older. She doesn't LOOK it. But many assume she is older because of her peer group (and after all, now she is in college and all) but she never comes across as younger than the others. She comes across as older once you talk to her. She worked at a professional theater all summer with Equity actors. People knew she was in college so assumed she was about 19. They learned way into the summer that she was actually 17 (they simply had never asked her her age before that) and they were surprised. But it truly is not her looks that I am talking about. She is not more mature looking than her age. </p>

<p>One funny thing for me about this is somewhat literal. In summer of 2005, back to back, I saw my D play two roles. In a youth production (teenagers) at her theater camp, she was in Jekyll and Hyde, playing the female lead, Lucy. Lucy is a whore. She pulled off the role in that she believably came across older than her age of 16. Just weeks later, I saw her in a professional production of Bat Boy where she was the youngest in the cast (were mostly adults, some Equity) and one role she played was Ruthie Taylor and in one scene, Ruthie is in the hospital because Bat Boy bit her neck and she is crying (the director was telling her to imagine being in pain in the hospital and my D laughed as it wasn't a stretch to act it as she had just spent time in the hospital in intensive care after a serious car accident!, but I digress) and so I am watching the show and her hair is in braids and I swear she looked about age 12-13, and extremely different from how she came across as Lucy weeks earlier. This past summer, same thing happened hours apart. I saw her in a production she put on for youth audiences and she had her hair in pigtails and she really acted in ways to draw the kids' attention and she looked like a kid herself, and acted so child-like. Hours later, that evening, she played a sexy Kit Kat Girl all made up, very racy, in an adult Equity production of Cabaret and the two images were worlds apart. She can come across as young sometimes and quite sophisticated at other times!</p>

<p>But in general she fits right in at college. She tends to take on leadership roles and the people she leads are always older than herself, which I always marveled at. I used to wonder in high school, why does the cast listen to her as she is way younger than all of them? But she was the creator, the director and they respected her visions and talents and it was a non issue. Now she is directing at Tisch. I just don't think anyone thinks about how young she is. Friends know it but nobody treats her differently for it. She has never dated anyone who is more than two years older than herself. She has dated boys her own age too. </p>

<p>She hasn't gone wild in college. She can't afford to do so because of her commitments. Her schedule and life is very very full to all hours so she has no compulsion or time to get smashed. She has to be up and out 7 days per week and work all day and night. She has fun too but doesn't have lots of down time. The first major break I think she has had since she got there is that tonight she is going to a concert with two girls. She hasn't let loose. She has far too many responsibilities. She is also in a program that is VERY intensive. You cannot be absent. It is very demanding time wise. She has activities that fill every waking hour. So, I have not noticed anything inappropriate or over and beyond. She may go out to a bar for a drink but never to get drunk...she has no interest in doing so, and can't afford to do so with what she has to do and what she is driven to do beyond that which is required. She has taken on many many responsibilites. Her life has always been very full with her activities of her own choosing. She doesn't "hang out" hardly ever. She doesn't have time!</p>

<p>I think, however, you do bring up excellent points of the drawbacks that could exist. Each individual case is so different. If someone had told me this story, I'd likely be thinking.....ugh, bad idea. I told you my sister in law who I watched grow up who graduated on her sixteenth birthday two years early from HS...I kept thinking it was a bad idea. But here I am with a kid who has done something similar though socially, my sister in law fit more the typical image of gifted and was not an extrovert or social leader type. She's been a tenured college professor and frankly, even now in her 30's looks like she could be one of the students. As I said, earlier, we've got the kids we've got and sometimes, whether we planned things one way or another or what we'd think was ideal, we gotta go with the flow. I just can say this kid of mine is driven and very strong willed and so we've gone along with her chosen path to graduate early and in lots of ways, we truly think she knew what she needed. If you knew her, you'd see that I hardly had a choice in the matter, LOL.</p>

35

<p>My S had two opportunities, one in middle school, the other in HS to go directly to college. He considered each one as it arose and wisely rejected both. I must admit I was glad he did, his mother and I frankly didn't know what we would do if he had said yes.</p>

36

<p>I remember when my kid was in 6th grade he started an unusual interest in higher-level math and science, by 8th grade he was with an MIT faculty. The professor asked if he wants to start college early. We did not what to say but we did not want him to miss life without exploring what is life is. He was involved with activities that were outside of academics and eventually met so many other people whose life touched him. He has done wonderful in math and science but in the growing up process, he evolved as a humanities kid. Through volunteer work and meeting with other kids, he became very social and outgoing. I think he made the right choice by not going to college early. Even though he will graduate early but at least he knows what makes him tick.</p>

37

<p>Soozie, again -- I'm not focusing on your daughter, but on issues of concern generally. If a kid is in a situation that creates a social network of older kids, then there are other things that tend to come with that. A 16 year old in college is exposed to exactly the same range of choices as an 18 year old. The issue isn't whether the kid actually makes those choices -- the issue I am raising it the parent's comfort level at putting a younger child in the same environment. Back when I was in college, there was a lot of drug use; a lot of drinking; and a lot of sex and bed-hopping going on. Those are things that a kid is highly unlikely to discuss with a parent .... so we honestly don't know what our kids are doing unless they choose to tell us. I dealt with it at age 16 and in the greater scheme of things, I wasn't hurt by it..... but I doubt that my parents quite understood what would happen when the sent me off to college. (Things had changed quite a bit since the 40's, when they were in college. )</p>

38

<p>One other issue that has been touched on is the physical size of the child. I've known parents who were very reluctant to hold back kids because they were already big for their age & didn't want them stigmatized by being the largest kid in the grade. It can be tough in the younger grades to be the huge kid in the grade but tends to even out in the upper grades as the other kids catch up in physical size.</p>

<p>I also agree that there are countless things young folks are exposed to in a college environment that can be a bit much if the child is not emotionally & socially prepared to confront it all, especially if the child has lived in a fairly sheltered environment (like a nurturing private school & living at home with parents). The things Calmom mentions are among some of these issues. Drugs folks put in beverages/food of others, casual hookups randomly occurring, etc. are things the child must figure out how to process, in addition to being independent. It can be quite a bit for many younger teens. I considered myself very level-headed & mature as a teen, but don't know how I would have dealt with all of that at the age of 16 & am glad I didn't move into a dorm until I was a 19-year-old sophomore.</p>

39

<p>Calmom, I do agree with the circumstances of college life and all that entails and that a kid like mine, entered that world ONE year ahead of when she would have otherwise. I realize kids do not tell their parents everything. I do have a pretty good idea of what she did before college and what she is involved in now, plus her own standards for herself (which she has mentioned to me, in fact). Without getting too detailed, I know she did not drink whatsoever in HS. She had no opportunity to and was supervised at all times. I honestly have no problem with college kids drinking alcohol responsibly because I went to college and I know it is part of the experience. My kid does go out, but she is not one to go wild. She doesn't want to, has said so, and surely has no time to get wasted. It doesn't appeal to her and she also has activities scheduled 24/7. So, I don't mind if she has a drink here and there in college and I'd be blind to think she does not. She wasn't allowed in HS but my kids know that I know they might in college. Both my kids are not heavy party types. They are social but they are very busy and so they might go out but they have no interest in getting drunk or using drugs. They are against drugs. Also, my younger one is a singer and would not wreck her voice with anything you inhale. </p>

<p>We all know our kids, but not maybe everything they do. I am pretty cognizant of her sexual life as well to some degree. I know what college entails and I know what she did before she got there. I know who she goes out with though is not dating anyone at this time. She had boyfriends prior to college as well. So, I am not oblivious to college life. But I also feel comfortable that this kid is in such an environment and I'm comfortable with the choices she is making for the most part. I know she hasn't "gone wild" at college. </p>

<p>I know you were not talking about HER but about the idea of an early graduate at college. I simply am talking from experience but surely not generalizing. It is not a good option for lots of kids. It has been the right one for her and we have been comfortable with the path she took and she's been there over a year and so far, so good. She has huge responsiblilities that she takes on out of choice, in addition to nine classes, so that she is booked solid from early AM to very late at night 7 days per week. She doesn't have all that free time that some typical college kids have to even get wild even if she wanted to. I just about know what she is doing every hour with her crazy schedule. A kid who was into all the "not so good" stuff in college, could never ever take on the responsibilities she has in the program she is in, on top of the huge commitments she has chosen to take on outside of classtime.</p>

<p>So, I'm OK with it all. But I SURELY recognize the issues that must be contemplated, including ones you wisely have pointed out, when one considers such a path. However, I also have learned that each case differs greatly and so I treat each situation individually. I do not think my child's path would be good for many others. I understand her chosen path and we have supported it, even if it is not the ideal thing I would have thought to do had I not had a kid like this. That is why I have said that people gotta deal with the kids they have, even if they are not so "normal" and do not follow a "normal" path. So, we've learned to deal with who she is. Colleges accepted her this young and obviously her well articulated rationale for early graduation, along with supporting recommendations, allowed them to make a choice to let her come at this age. It was SURELY not all based on academics. In fact, at her current school, she is one of a few select "Scholars" which has several criteria for selection but a big one is leadership and she is a leader and now must volunteer in NYC as a leader in the arts, also in Appalachia and will be doing so again in Brazil this winter. She may be young, but she didn't go early just over academic readiness. </p>

<p>She is a bit odd as she is not like a typical gifted profile that I have come across (educators have said this to us as well) because even though she is younger than her classmates, she tends to be the one who is the leader of not only her classmates but those in grades above hers. So, going to college young hasn't held her back socially, and if fact, she has taken on leadership roles at college. So far, so good. </p>

<p>This would not be good for many others. That's why I FULLY understand your points and cautions and the pitfalls, etc. But by the same token, I share one experience that demonstrates that you have to deal with a kid who doesn't fit an "ideal" mode and come up with accomodations that fit. This path has fit for HER but I make no mistake in thinking of it being a path I might suggest to anyone else! If I was on the outside looking in, I would probably question someone who chose such a path. But the people who happen to KNOW my particular kid, have all said they cannot imagine her having still been in high school and none have ever questioned her going early. Most think of her as being part of the group that moved onto college....her identity seems to be in that grouping. Her chronological age doesn't match, however. Then people who don't know her well, who meet her, get to know her, and then who later learn her real age, often say they can't believe it because talking to her, they thought she was older. </p>

<p>I very much appreciate the points you bring up about early graduates and so on. I know you are not talking about MY child. I'm just presenting a case that doesn't fit the mold and how we have learned to adjust to the kid we have. She's never followed a "normal" path, I can tell ya that! Generalizations of best options are worthy to consider but in the end, not everyone fits them. It sure would have been "easier" for us if this kid did, believe me.:D</p>

<p>By the way, I should clarify that my kid was only 16 for about five weeks of freshman year and so while she was still very young for college, she was 17 almost the entire first year of college. So, I know there was talk of 16 year olds with 18 year olds, but just saying she was mostly 17. She turns 18 in six days.</p>

40

<p>I think you just have to take it one year at a time. I've known people who reversed grade skips by skipping school systems or taking a gap year. For myself, I took a year off before college and another one before grad school. Being a year plus young meant I felt I could do these things because I didn't feel like I was losing time.</p>

<p>Still I'd like to see schools that are more flexible. Ours in completely anti-grade skipping. The elementary school gifted program casts a very wide net and covers only 4th and 5th grade. I only persuade a double skip in math when two teachers were willing to cooperate, while the principal hated the idea, but gave a reluctant okay. The next year's teacher refused to do it, even though it had been 100% successful. We ended up advocating again for a skip in math in middle school - they were also very reluctant. High school in contrast has been much better. They've been willing to put our kid in any AP class he thought he was ready for.</p>