<p>I'm still a few years off, but friends who have seniors have been telling me that their kids are experiencing significant angst about leaving the comforts of home and going off into the big unknown. Any good suggestions about resources or advice to help the moms (and kids). Thanks!</p>
<p>I believe that doing college overnight visits and attending the admitted students' event at the college goes a long way towards minimizing the perfectly natural fear of stepping from the comfort of home into the great unknown.</p>
<p>I thought that too, but ironically, it was upon returning from one of those for new students days that some of the anxiety bubbled up for my friend's son.</p>
<p>I think the jitters are normal and should not be minimized or denied. </p>
<p>Otoh, I viewed my job as a parent from Day 1 as preparing my D every year? month? week? for the moment of being off on her own, giving her rein to increasingly exercise her own judgments...at first, after lots of discussion and then with less and less intervention.</p>
<p>I can't say that there was separation angst on both sides but then both sides knew this is what she needed to do.</p>
<p>I think it is useful to recall that at every important transition there are "jitters"--and it's part of falling apart (within some reasonable limits) so you come back together in a new more adaptive way. So I recall, for example, how I thought I had ruined our happy family life for awhile just after the birth of our second when the first was having a meltdown when he realized the second one was really here for keeps.....There are wedding jitters and new baby jitters and kindergarten jitters and college jitters and what would be really worrisome would be a kid (or parent) who was completely indifferent and icy calm about the going. Humans paradoxically crave change and resist it like crazy so I think the most useful thing is to normalize it, empathize and try to find something to laugh about while we give in to the tearful moments as needed</p>
<p>The separation angst may express itself as other emotions. There is another thread about students becoming grouchy after getting their admissions.
<a href="http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=53876&highlight=grouchy%5B/url%5D">http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=53876&highlight=grouchy</a></p>
<p>I think jitters are perfectly normal. But I also want to comment that NOT having jitters is also perfectly normal for some kids. I would not call that indifferent or icy calm. I can readily say that neither of my kids felt any jitters about going off to college. Both seemed ready and excited and could not wait. Neither suffered separation anxiety. Some of this is a personality thing. But I also think some of it is due to what led up to this point. This was NOT the first time either has been away from home for a period of time, albeit had never been gone longer than six weeks at a time. So, living apart from Mom and Dad was something that they had done before (and never was homesick those times, and did not know anyone at those programs either the first time they went to any of these summer things). Also, both do not get nervous about new challenges or new experiences or not knowing anyone. I guess they feel confident in those situations. Saying goodbye to us was OUR problem, not theirs, LOL....we were the only ones crying, not THEM. I just said good bye to one of my kids yesterday who is driving to Alaska (4500 miles) and she is just 18. I am a sap every time I have to say good bye. Was she? NOPE. She was in utter joy and enthusiastic mode. Same with going off to college. I bet when she comes home in three weeks and embarks on a summer program at Harvard where she does not know a soul, she also will just go and make the most of it and never has exuded anxiety about it. </p>
<p>Does the fact that they do not have separation anxiety make them any better??? NOPE. Just saying all kids are different. While it is normal to be anxious about separating and about new experiences, it is also normal not be feel that way either. Some count the days til they leave! Those types are my kids, lol. My younger one is heading to college in NYC at age 16 in a few months and let me just say that there likely will be more kids in her dorm than in our entire town! And you can't get more opposite from rural Vermont than Manhatten! Is she concerned?? NO, she cannot wait! NYC, here I come or College here I come is more her line of thinking. </p>
<p>I just think there are all types of personalities. This type of thing varies from kid to kid. I do believe that having separated from home in the past and having tackled many new situations where they did not know another kid, can only have helped in retrospect but I can't prove that made them this way when it came to going off to college, only saying that was in their "history". </p>
<p>Believe me, I make up for the tearing up upon separation, that they do not do themselves!</p>
<p>Susan</p>
<p>I am in the middle of reading the book "Letting Go". It's helping me to anticipate what my d will probably be experiencing this fall when she leaves home. I do recommend it as one of the better books I've read on the subject of children going off to college. Okay, well it's really the only book I've read. But I like it. </p>
<p>Family is arriving today for the graduation ceremony and I'm not really the basket case I thought I would be. I hope I can hold it together tonight as she walks across the stage.</p>
<p>Our son didn't seem too anxious about going away to college, however he is good at keeping his emotions in check and to himself most of the time.</p>
<p>Like many colleges, Rensselaer did several things that eased the angst. A two day orientation was held in July during which time students met with their advisors, scheduled fall semester classes, learned about the Tute's computer system, email, library facilities, computer labs, student Union activities, bookstore, etc.</p>
<p>The week before classes started RPI frosh attended the FYE program. Our son spent 3 days at a camp at Lake George kayaking, snorkeling, orienteering, team building etc. He spent the next 3 days in Troy working on a Habitat house. There was a picnic one evening on the Husdon River in downtown Troy and lots of offerings in the evening sponsored by the various student clubs and student orgs.</p>
<p>By the time classes started, our son knew his way around campus and had made a group of friends, a few from SO but most from the FYE.</p>
<p>All this made it very easy on us. He seemed excited to actually start classes and somewhat anxious for us to go so he could get on setting up his room, buy his books and hang out with his new friends.</p>
<p>MGMom, does your student have any friends attending college nearby. Our son spent several weekends with his college friends while in HS. It gave him an intro to college life and there were not any unpleasant surprises because he knew those he was staying with.</p>
<p>My daughter didn' thave going away jitters- shehad been attending or working at a residential camp every summer for about 7 years- so she was comfortable with her ability to live away from home and find a new group of friends
However, she did feel overwhelmed and anxious once we arrived at college, and was upset about her ability to thrive in that atmosphere.
This disipated relatively quickly however, once she met some of the other students in her dorm * I have found my people!*
A larger school may take a tad longer to find a niche, joining clubs helps as do FIGs ( freshman interest groups) but if it is a good fit, and i think most students on these boards will be able to find a good fit- then they will do great</p>
<p>MGM, I think the anxiety is often shared by parents and children and is even potentially "infectious." I don't think either of our kids had great anxiety about the move, in part because we encouraged them to think about the adventure that was ahead of them.</p>
<p>However, I'll admit that in both cases, the "finality" of the splitting of the family only really came home at drop-off time or orientation in September. A certain amount of separation anxiety (at least on the part of the parents) is quite common on that day. Suddenly, the college separates the students from the parents, and they and you are "on your own." Schedule your first visit for parents' weekend immediately, so there's at least one fixed date when you'll get together again if only briefly.</p>
<p>Interesteddad, others have great advice. I'd add that taking advantage of the various livejournal, IM conversations, etc that technology provides give students the opportunity to begin to form a community with other new students as well as currently enrolled students they might have visited with well before they leave home. </p>
<p>They're not stepping into an unknown social environment like we did when we went off to college. All of this converts the new environment to the familiar. Along with visits and overnights plus a little normalizing of normal anxiety, this will probably make the transition easier.</p>
<p>Bill</p>
<p>That one is so obvious I don't see how we all missed it KYdad
good point
While I know several people who went off to college without even visiting it, nowdays there are livejournals, student webpages, a mile high stack of college guides & cd roms, blogs ranking campuses, professors, the facebook, umpteen ranking sites, email to contact professors- students, web cams...
At my daughters school, people are setting up all kinds of arrangements before they even leave high school to get feedback on what sort of classes to take, whether they should bring their parents for o week, what sort of clothes to wear, if they can bring their dog...</p>