Going off to college without any dating experience-is that bad?

College Life
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<p>I can honestly say I’ve never compared, not even subconsciously, my current partner to my “past lovers”. That’s not to say no one does, I just haven’t. And I’ve never thought about how I compare to his ex-partners in any way. I recognize that every one has a past, but I also realize that there’s a reason that it’s the past.</p>

<p>Love just happens, by the way. RELATIONSHIPS don’t just happen. There’s a huge difference. I still love (not in a romantic way, just in a you-were-part-of-my-life-for-so-long way) my ex-fiance but there’s a reason he’s my ex. We could not make our relationship work. And we’re both much happier with our current partners.</p>

<p>And as we’re now fairly off topic, I’ll take my bow out. </p>

<p>OP, you’re going to be fine. Don’t worry. Just be careful and have fun :).</p>

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<p>I’m going to get one more word in, before I bow out. You may not have, but most people I’ve heard from do.</p>

<p>There are different kinds of love. People love certain kinds of food. When they say they love their dog, do they mean it the same way? Do they love their family the same way as their dog and food? Do you love your friends the same way as your dog, food, and family? My point in all of that clutter, is that there are different kinds of love. I’m talking about life-long, unfailing love, that doesn’t just give up. Agape love, in the greek (I think it’s greek, at least) rather than Philos and other types. That kind of love doesn’t just happen.</p>

<p>OP: I went to prom with a friend, will go to this year’s prom with another friend. I’ve never once dated, never once really wanted to. I didn’t think there was a point in high school. I’ve known others who did the same, and they turned out fine.</p>

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<p>“And yes, I know there are people who don’t have their first kiss or boyfriend until much later in life…but to be honest, those people are just weird.”</p>

<p>OP, I’m really itching to know what you mean by this statement. It seems a bit ridiculous to call someone weird simply because he/she started dating later or had a first kiss later.</p>

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<p>My first date, along with my first kiss, won’t happen until I’m at least 18, and probably at least until I’m 19 (I don’t want to date Freshman year, because I’d rather get to know everyone, and get acclimated). I don’t know why that’d be weird?</p>

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<p>Don’t sweat it. I was in your position. No one has ever made fun of me for that reason.</p>

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<p>Try not to worry about the lack of dating experience in high school. I’m in college and I haven’t had a single dating experience yet, but I’m not worried.</p>

<p>The best thing you can do is try not to fall to society’s pressure to force a relationship. Let it come naturally and until you graduate fron college, keep education at top priority. Whenever it happens tomorrow, in college, or a few years after graduation, it will come.</p>

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<p>@crimsonstained7:</p>

<p>If you’re comment “You’re thinking of infatuation/puppy love/honeymooner love.” was directed at me, all I have to say is as I’m old enough to be your mom, please don’t try to tell me what you believe I was thinking or what I may have meant.</p>

<p>I have a child. I know what it’s like to love someone to the point that I would sacrifice my life for them. Ever seen the movie John Q? To me it is not a noble sacrifice that he is willing to make at the end of the movie, but just what every parent would do.</p>

<p>I know what it’s like to be upset with my child, disappointed in my child, but still love them with every ounce of my being and still on the worst days when he has annoyed me to the point that I have thrown him out of my house, would still trade my life for his without pause.</p>

<p>But the love between adults is different and it transforms and it takes 2 and no matter how much you are willing to work and to sacrifice and negotiate and even try to change yourself, you will find as you grow that you don’t have that control over another. You can say that you will work at a marriage and your marriage will be forever, but you can’t make those forever promises for someone else.</p>

<p>I’ve lived a lot more years than you have and I’ve seen a couple that was married (and had never co-habitated) and faithful for over 30 years that seemed to be extremely compatible, had raised 2 children together, but then he suddently left because he decided in his 50s, after he was a grandfather that he wanted to explore an alternative lifestyle. I’ve seen another couple that was married for over 30 years and had 3 children together, but then one day the husband decided he needed a break. After a few months he realized that he had made a mistake and wanted his home and his family back. Because of the hurt and distrust he caused (and he had been seeing another woman during the separation) his wife refused to take him back. I have seen relatives enter relationships thinking they had discovered the love of their lives only to leave when the relationship became abusive. I have seen relatives stay in relationshps with abusers because they got nice gifts after being abused (its how my cousin got her new convertible, I mean what’s a black eye compared to a new car? (btw - that was sarcasm, I’m definitely not advocating that)), I have seen women stay in relationships with men they KNEW to be unfaithful, personally that’s why I left my relationship, I think it’s a self-respect issue, but to each their own…</p>

<p>And I have seen my grandparents who married after only knowing each other for a few months, who raised 6 children together, who went through financial troubles, who went through serious health troubles, but were married for over 60 years before my grandfather passed away.</p>

<p>I’ve seen relationships work, I’ve seen relationships fail, I’ve seen relationships that everyone thought would work…fail, and I’ve seen relationships that no one thought could possibly work, succeed.</p>

<p>I suggest before giving relationship advice to others that you gain some experience with which to do so.</p>

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<p>I think the puppy love comment was directed at me. </p>

<p>Beautiful post btw, jrc.</p>

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<p>Interesting. I had the opposite reaction to jrc’s post, which I thought came across as condescending and snarky ("If you’re [sic] comment . . . was directed at me . . . I suggest before giving relationship advice to others that you gain some experience with which to do so.”)</p>

<p>Sounds like Crimsonstained is in the same situation as OP and is trying to offer support and advice with good intentions. Bravo to that. And to the point of view which advocates virginity until marriage.</p>

<p>If you disagrees with a post, disagree without all the hostility. Or the self-righteous indignation. Chillax, jrc.</p>

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<p>OP, I’m in your exact situation. Though I held off dating in hs on purpose primarily because none of the guys interested me (save for one, but he rarely talked so…). I felt many were immature, only dreamed of sex and partied far too much. I don’t exactly uplift college as the holy grail of intelligent guys, but I’m sure I’ll have a much higher chance of meeting a guy whose personality and beliefs are similar to mine. So don’t give up. College is a place brimming with diversity. I’m sure you’ll find someone. Make sure he’s respectable (not a man-whore and yes these people exist for society does not wholly give men a free pass to sleep around), intelligent, ambitious and shares your same belief system whatever it may be. Are you liberal? Perhaps date a fellow leftie. Ditto if you’re conservative. Yes love can blossom between two people of differing opinions, but it may be easier to relate to him if you both are on the same page. And don’t let anyone take advantage of you! If you are into long-lasting relationships (if not, ignore this sentence [hook ups ftw]) know that lots of guys (no offense to males) will say all manner of lovely things about how much they adore you to get into le pants then leave soon after (saw this in hs WAY too many times T<strong>T). Know the difference between genuine expressions of fondness and trite sayings. These are just suggestions, btw. Feel free to date whomever. ^</strong>^</p>

<p>Also, people who choose to have sex after marriage aren’t all strange or judgmental. And we’re not all religious creeps either. I happen to be agnostic myself. :)</p>

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<p>Recommendation. For the inexperienced gal going off to college-- go to a handful of parties per semester, don’t drink, don’t do weed, protect your drink glass, and leave the party after approx one to one and one half hours from the start. Enjoy meeting new friends-- be selective.</p>

<p>Just one old guy’s thoughts. </p>

<p>.02</p>

<p>ps- I’ve been to many rodeos!</p>

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<p>Don’t worry about it, just don’t settle for the first guy who acts interested in you! Those often turn out to be the creepy ones.</p>

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<p>There’s no need to push outdated dogma as far as waiting until marriage or avoiding cohabitation. Having marriage papers doesn’t make you any more capable of having sex or living together than others. And don’t respond about the sanctity of marriage or how sex is sacred. If you thought for yourself rationally as any educated person should, you’d realize nothing is sacred, nor do you have the right to tell someone else what they should or shouldn’t do. If you really intend to not be sexual until you say some vows, fine, but leave me and other logical people out of it.</p>

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<p>

Hahahahaha yeah just don’t do anything in college if you didn’t date much in high school. Stay right in your shell, great advice.</p>

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<p>I’ve been following this thread and am a-m-a-z-e-d at all of the hostility! Whatever happened to the old American value “I may not agree with what you say but I will defend with my death your right to say it?” For educated, erudite people so many seem so outraged at others opinions. And those who express more conservative opinions are skewered unmercifully. If you’re religious–shut up. If you’re straight edge–shut up. If you want to remain virgin–shut up. If you don’t believe in sex before marriage–shut up. In other worlds, there is SOMETHING WRONG with you if you have these views!</p>

<p>And AeroMike “If you thought for yourself rationally as any educated person should, you’d realize nothing is sacred, nor do you have the right to tell someone else what they should or shouldn’t do.” Didn’t the OP solicit opinions??? Isn’t that the purpose of this thread??? There are many highly educated people who DO believe that there are things that are sacred and/or worth dying for—just because you don’t doesn’t give you the license to determine what “educated” people should or shouldn’t think. Learned men have grappled with these issues since antiquity. Truly intellectual people recognize and respect this. Only those who are merely “schooled” think they have all the answers. Sheeesh!</p>

<p>Attacking opinions as illegitimate and unworthy and characterizing them as “outdated” because they differ from one’s own is the height of intellectual demagoguery. And maizeandblue—not drinking or drugging doesn’t mean “staying in your shell”. LOTS of kids do neither and have a GREAT time in college. It doesn’t mean they’re losers. </p>

<p>What has ever happened to respect for diversity of opinion? Or live and let live???</p>

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<p>JRC, I didn’t say work referring to thinking it would “work” out. I meant work as in work hard. I know few happily married couples that have lasted decades, but the ones that do put work into it. You can’t make it work without work. Those people all gave up work. Once someone stops working at it, it’s over. So my point still stands. I think it’s funny that you are arguing my point for me. Thanks!</p>

<p>Romani, yes it was directed at you.</p>

<p>MuchAdo, thanks for the support. I agree, she was very condescending. “I’ve lived a lot more years than you have and I’ve seen a couple that was married…” I know many married couples. I go to a church where a lot of dysfunctional families end up, and I’ve been to plenty of their houses. Don’t tell me I haven’t lived long enough to see plenty of families that work and do not work.</p>

<p>Alexissss, I’m a Christian, but I hate it when people assume I just save myself for religious reasons. There are plenty of reasons other than just my religion telling me to.</p>

<p>AeroMike, you are the worst kind of judgemental. You’ve now called me illogical, assaulted my religion (“nothing is sacred”), and don’t forget, apparently I’m uneducated! If you want to think of it logically, Marriage Papers means that there is a financial risk involved in splitting up, along with every other emotional risk, etc. so there is more of a reason to work to stay together. I didn’t tell her how to live, I gave her a suggestion, just as you have surely done for someone else. You know what a suggestion is right? It’s when someone asks for advice, you give them your 2 cents.</p>

<p>MaizeAndBlue, not drinking and doing drugs, or going to parties, doesn’t mean that you don’t come out of your shell. I had a very reserved, sheltered friend who went to college, didn’t party, but came back a lot less “in their shell.” Don’t assume that you have to party to have fun.</p>

<p>Bungalow, thank you. I wondered when giving advice, when someone asked for it became a bad thing. I hope I didn’t attempt to skewer anyone, I’m just mad at people saying my beliefs are for the uneducated. Apparently if you disagree with someone, they are automatically brainless (And, while I usually hear this argument from some liberals, I’ve also heard it from conservatives, to be fair).</p>

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<p>Oh, and Alexissss I was agreeing with you, in case that wasn’t completely clear. I reread it and realized I didn’t thank you for pointing out that you are agnostic, but still are saving yourself.</p>

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<p>I did not realize just how heated up my own thread would get…wow.</p>

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<p>Sex and dating get people heated.</p>

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<p>Hey, I’ve said from the start that people should do whatever makes them happy. I don’t think anyone should be preaching “morals” <em>gag</em></p>