Going to college close to home. Good or bad?

Parents Forum
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<p>I think one issue to consider is how you will handle an emergency - or semi-emergency. My son is about 6 hours away. He had swine flu in the fall. He had to handle it completely on his own - student health center, friends bringing him food, etc. He also had strep in the spring - again - had to handle it on his own - including finding a friend to drive him to CVS to pick up a prescription that the student health center could not fill.</p>

<p>Now, if he had been 30 minutes away - we would have brought him home when he had swine flu and been involved with strep as well - taking him to regular family doctor, etc. It was hard on both of us having him so far away when he was sick. However, I think this was a good experience for him in the long run. He had to deal with it on his own, miserable though he was. </p>

<p>There is no question in my mind that having him closer would be a lot easier, but that having him further away has helped him to mature and has helped me to regard him as a mature young adult.</p>

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<p>You have a lot of collective wisdom already. I sent a daughter away to school (had to fly her home) and a son (now a soph) is 15 minutes away, to give you perspective on my reply.<br>
You did not mention the cost of attending the two schools so I am going to assume that is not the consideration. However, do not ignore the cost and hassle of shipping (and STORING) stuff for the school that is 6 hours away (6 hours is not easily drivable–only twice a year?). You may need to add the hassle of airline tickets for holidays/breaks, etc. </p>

<p>I totally agree with the comment about treating your child as though he is 6 hours away if he is at the school a few minutes away. We have done that. My son is fine with it but you definitely would need to give him his space and make that very clear. </p>

<p>My son talked to a friend from his high school (in the class after his) who was struggling with this issue. His friend wondered if he would really expand his universe if he went to school close to home. My son said, “I did not have to leave my hometown to meet people from all over the world.” (He is at a top 20 National University). He has also learned the city from an entirely different perspective and knows the cheap eats, clubs, etc. that he was never introduced to from our suburban home. Finally, he is the first person to hear from his high school friends when they come home from their colleges for breaks. His friends get easily bored at their home and come visit him on his campus. An overlooked advantage for staying close to home. </p>

<p>My daughter, on the other hand, wanted out of ‘Dodge’. It was a bigger ‘cultural’ adjustment for her–something that is also overlooked sometimes. It sound cooler to go away but there is a comfort in being around a familiar environment when starting at college, which is one of the biggest adjustments one EVER. Getting used to being on your own, doing your own laundry, making new friends, living on your own, time management in college for classes/studying/extracurriculars, etc. is a major adjustment for any 18y. It is a little bit easier if you don’t have to get used to a new city. My daughter had a little trouble with it at first but managed. In some ways, the adjustment helped her. But during the first year, it would have been hard for her (or us) to say that it was a good thing. Eventually, it was.</p>

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<p>Thank you for all your helpful replies. He will be staying on campus, no matter which college he attends. I am just going to leave it up to him. He is still very conflicted, unfortunately. Looks like this one is going down to the wire!</p>

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<p>It depends on the kid.</p>

<p>If the student has any emotional/depression/learning/medical disabilities, etc, it may be better not to be too far away.</p>

<p>However, if the student just needs to “grow up” a bit, send him to Timbuktu!</p>

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<p>

Would it help him if you discussed with him the playing field (or ground rules)? Some possible examples (if it’s what all in your family agree is best) - </p>

<ul>
<li>Close to home (and ways to give him ‘space’)</li>
<li>Parents won’t just ‘drop in’ on him or randomly show up. Any visits/lunches/etc. need to be prearranged with the student being the primary initiator. </li>
<li>He can generally come home when he wants but will be strongly encouraged to spend a fair number of the weekends on campus up front to help him assimilate. After the first semester or so he’ll be into a routine and then can do what he wants.</li>
<li>Parents won’t bug him or guilt him to come home routinely on weekends. This can derail independence and cause a lot of unnecessary conflict.</li>
<li><p>Parents won’t try to get him to do routine family things during the week since he’ll be busy at school. </p></li>
<li><p>Further from home</p></li>
<li><p>Parents still will not just drop in.</p></li>
<li><p>He may only be able to come home a limited number of times due to the cost/hassle of the trip - but, he CAN still come home - i.e. isn’t banished (if this is a cause for concern in his mind). </p></li>
</ul>

<p>His concerns about the distance may be different than your concerns about the distance so it’s best to discuss it openly, set some ground rules together (with him being the primary one setting them), and determine where his remaining concerns are.</p>

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<p>Well, I live on campus at a school that is about 20 minutes from my parent’s house/where I grew up. </p>

<p>I have to say I see my family LESS than my friends at far-away schools. It is not just easier to leave school for home…it’s easier to leave home for school! I hang out with HS friends LESS than my friends at far-away schools do.</p>

<p>For example, they have “Fall break” and spent a week at home. I spent only Thanksgiving day at home, and then went right back.</p>

<p>During the summer, I took classes and worked on-campus. While my friends spent most of their days at home, I spent most of my time away.</p>

<p>This year, I didn’t come home for winter break, since my friends and I have a place off campus. I also won’t be coming home during the summer at all. My friends from far away colleges are, yup, you guessed it, going to be home.</p>

<p>I don’t otherwise come home to do laundry, just drop by, etc. I talk to my parents on the phone and usually go out to dinner with them on birthdays. When I am sick, I call them for advice but I certainly don’t go home. And that’s that…</p>

<p>In terms of friendships, my friends at far-away colleges immediately bonded with the one HS acquaintance that was also attending, or “clicked” with people from the same state/geographic area/etc. I met people from all over, and didn’t see my HS friends at all.</p>

<p>Also, my college friends were close-by during breaks/etc. I hung out with college friends even when I was at home!</p>

<p>Usually it’s a struggle to get kids to understand this…“going away” isn’t what makes you grow up, sorry. If your S already gets that, then he’s already one step ahead of the game.</p>

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<p>This is a bit off topic - but I found my competitors in Division 1 athletics had an easier time adjusting to the intense volume and competitiveness of Div.1 when they lived closer to home. Given the stresses at issue, it was always helpful for them to think they could take a break and land at home for a while, although they rarely did. They could also keep up their offseason training patterns a bit more easily. Intense athletic competition isn’t on the dashboard of many, but I do think it points out that going away from home is mostly a state of mind, with, however, a few practical advantages to check back home if needed from time to time. </p>

<p>I went 900 miles away. There would have been advantages being closer to home.</p>

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<p>My informal rule was “no college within 200 miles.” That was about the only rule we had. With your shield or upon it. You are not bringing your laundry home and we are not walking in on you and your boyfriend. You will learn to deal with travel, climate, a different regional culture, and to improvise for the holidays when you can’t come home. </p>

<p>Yes, we missed her terribly at times. She’s still working on the Other Coast and we still do. But for what she wants to be doing, the results have been spectacular and she’s very self-possessed and self-propelled. See also, Cortez burning his ships.</p>

<p>Then there was the time we dropped her off at the airport and she called about an hour later…we were in the car on a day trip and her flight should have been about to board. It had been cancelled and she had rebooked her flight via cell phone while walking to the new flight’s gate, avoiding the mad crush of people at the customer service counter trying to get limited seats available.</p>

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<p>umcp11, you have no idea how much better that makes me feel! I’m choosing between two schools, one is probably a better fit for me but 5 min away from my house. The other is 6 hours away. Now I don’t know why I was even considering the one farther away. Thank you!</p>