<p>So i have a boyfriend who i really care about who ive been with for a over a year now. I dont know what to do about the relationship when i go away to school though. I feel a bit of a void in my relationship, like maybe there is something more out there. Sometimes he bores me. But hes really good to me, and knows me better than anyone. I dotn want to give him up but i want to be able to meet new guys and have a good time. Any advice??</p>
<p>it sounds like you don't even like your boyfriend the way you blast him</p>
<p>I had the same problem with my girlfriend a year ago and we had been dating for a year and half. We tried the long distance thing and it was really hard, not to mention expensive. I would advise breaking up and try dating other people, but dont cut him out of our life if yo care about him. I still talk and occasionally visit my ex-girlfriend.</p>
<p>will you be far away? Tempatations are so much easier to fall for when he's not in the same city, when there's no possible way for him to find out. Do you still want to be with him? If you're staying with him just because he's "safe" and in your comfort zone, you need to break up. If you really do want to be with him (and it seems like you don't) then try and see if it'll work out. chances are it won't, but if you're feelings are invested in him, I wouldn't want to give that up without at least trying</p>
<p>I say you should break up. I know a ton of people who have stayed together, and it always gets messed up because one person cheats, then tries to lie about it for a while, then the other person finds out and they both hate each other. </p>
<p>If you just break up and decide to stay friends, or even go to school and find that you really do want to be with him, you can easily just pick up where you left off when you are home. It is definitely better to be friends than to stay in a relationship and sacrifice honesty--you will both be better off for it. :)</p>
<p>I agree.</p>
<p>If you're in a relationship and a long ways away, you'll find yourself wanting to visit and go to the person. This will take away time from your school and you will not be as focused as you should be. Drop him like he's hot.</p>
<p>Wow, sounds like you're being kinda selfish about this. Listen to what you say: </p>
<p>1) you think there's something better out there
2) this guy bores you at times
3) you want to be able to meet new guys</p>
<p>But you don't want to give him up in case something better doesn't come along; or at least not (I'm inferring) until something better comes along. Long distance relationships are tough to make work even if both parties <em>really</em> want them to, and here at least one party isn't very committed.</p>
<p>Don't get me wrong; I think what you're feeling is perfectly natural, and in fact I advise people considering the long-distance thing not to do it. You WILL meet someone just as good if not better; after all, what are the odds that out of the several million people your age the "right" one just happened to be in your HS?</p>
<p>What bothers me, though, is the selfishness I detect. You "don't want to give him up" and yet everything else you write says you're going to drop him the second someone you like better comes along. Its the classic wanting your cake and eating it too.</p>
<p>Do both of yourselves a favor. Have the courage to break up before you go away so you don't potentially leave him thinking it might work out when in your heart you know its doomed. It's a favor to him; and its also a favor to you in terms of ethical behavior. He'll probably never know what you're thinking today, but the true measure of ethics is what you do when nobody is looking.</p>
<p>Well said.</p>
<p>Wow, yeah, that was gripping. Or maybe I'm just sleep deprived. Maybe both.</p>
<p>thanks for that mikemac. but i guess i didnt really explain my entire relationship when i wrote this post. im really conflicted because i both have feelings for him and both want to have the ability to hold onto my freedom during college. i just explained the negatives. i actually cant trully say what love is. but what i can explain about us is that when ever we're apart i think of him constantly and i love just sitting with him sometimes enjoying his company. i dont know there is more i just cant put my emotions into words. i think it was neitzche who said that you cant express your feelings in words until you arent feeling them anymore. but yea the whole long distance thing may not even happen. because he's actually in college now, a sophmore and he is planning on transfering. and he was planning on transferring to a school in boston, or actually babson which a really good school for him to go to for what he wants to do, im going to wellesley and they are like a mile away from one another. so im really confused. i love being with him and can see myself marrying him sometimes. but as everyone has been telling me, its a good idea to see whats out there before you settle down for someone.</p>
<p>ya, wow, a made a post exactly like this about a week ago... i have a bf who i've been w/for about 2 years, except for he's going to school in NM, and I'm going to Chicago. I think what I'm gonna do is take things day by day; it's not worth freaking out about now, cuz college is like 8-9 months away. It's possible that you might not feel the same way when the time comes to actually go to college. However, when you get there, you'll know how you feel about him. My bf and I will probably end up breaking up, and after college, if we still can't stop thinking about each other, then we'll get back together...</p>
<p>K...anyone have advices for people dating younger guys? My bf will graduate a year after me and is willing to go to some college near wherever I'm going. However, going off to college is the chance to finally break free and find out who we really are, and I want to really make the best use of that opportunity. I think I can live without him, not sure if I want to try though :P. Anyway, I don't want to break up, and especially don't want our relationship to fall to some meaningless statistics. What can I do?</p>
<p>That's completely understandable, lilianphoebs. I like my best friend, and for a while, I was considering applying to the same colleges as him. However, somewhere along the lines, I realized that I need to discover who I am without him (even though I will miss him a lot). I also realized that if we are the good friends we say we are, we will find a way to keep in touch. Similarly, if you and your boyfriend love each other, you will keep in contact. And you'll see each other on vacations (and college vacations are long), so don't worry. I hope all goes well with the two of you.</p>
<p>lilianphoebs writes "going off to college is the chance to finally break free". This is 100% correct. In HS its easy to get typecast the way people see you, and even if it fit at one point there's no reason it has to stay that way forever. I hope that when you're 22 you're not the exact same person you are today, just able to drink legally! College is a time for exploration, for trying new things (some of which you'll like, some you won't), for discovery. This is why I advise against taking a relationship to college, and why I recommend rooming with a stranger rather than a friend (who will want you to stay the person you were back in HS).</p>
<p>you also write "I want to really make the best use of that opportunity" and to me this is the KEY. Part of being in the adult world is making tough decisions where we find we can't have everything. Going to a small LAC means you don't get the vibrancy of a large U in a big city, for example. Sometimes you have to make a decision (eg. HS is over, now what?) but sometimes it seems like you can avoid making one by just keeping on doing what you're doing now. But the thing to keep in mind is that refusing to make a decision is actually a decision. Whether it be changing employers, career field, where you live, etc, knowing you want something else but refusing to decide to change is a flawed approach. </p>
<p>As you get older some of the people you meet with the most regrets about their life are those that had opportunities but let them slip by. Hopefully you don't know too many people like that at your age, but you will as you get older. It's one thing to consider the options and decide against change because you prefer the way things are now; that's fine. But its another to know you want a change but step back from taking the plunge. This is the path to regret since the clock never turns back. </p>
<p>There is a fascinating article from FastCompany magazine called "Are You Deciding on Purpose". In part of it, the author recounts what he's learned from over 1000 interviews with senior citizens. He writes "Second, if they could live their lives over again, they would take more risks. In relationships, they would have been more courageous." See <a href="http://www.fastcompany.com/online/13/ldrplus.html%5B/url%5D">http://www.fastcompany.com/online/13/ldrplus.html</a> </p>
<p>The point is that you don't want college to go by (and if you ask on the parents forum adults will tell you their amazed at how quickly the years flew by) and then look back and say you didn't do something you know you wanted. You wrote "I want to really make the best use of that opportunity", and while it may involve some pain, in your heart I think you know that's your answer.</p>
<p>Wow, mikemac. That post was so inspiring! Literally brought tears to my eyes. Most well-put advice I've seen on this board. Thank you!!</p>
<p>Yay Mickemac! Great advice. I especially like the part about being a different person when you are 22. </p>
<p>You will all change more in the next year (i.e. freshman year of college) than you have changed in the past four years of high school. It's really amazing - and you'll continue to change. Eventually, you will look back and think, "That was ONLY two years ago?" </p>
<p>Don't stunt your growth, and don't stay in relationships out of inertia or fear. Both are lousy reasons.</p>
<p>Thanks guys. I think it won't be easy to suddenly put in a lot of distance, but since he's always said that he'd be willing to wait for me, I guess I only need to take him up on his words. This would probably be a lot harder for him than for me, and I'm afraid only because I don't want to hurt his feelings. We would stay in touch of course, but it won't be easy to stay really close, etc. He's been there for me through so much. I didn't ask for that, but I know he loves me and love is a debt that can only be repaid in love. Would it be possible for me to be there for him whenever he needs me, but still be free to grow and experience new things?</p>
<p>Lass, never look at love as a debt to be repaid. 'tis a sad road to go down.
Sure, you can be there for him and still be free. At root, loving someone means wanting the best for them. One of my observations is that are three entities in any relationship: you, me, and we. Love should never involve subordinating either the you or the me into the we. I don't know that there's any one right answer for the balance point bewteen we and you/me but a lot of relationships run into trouble where the two people have vastly different expectations. They gushing people who focus exclusively on the "we" and see life as everything "together" curdle my soul; otoh, those who are so into a transactional you/me thing make me wonder why they're really in a relationship at all...it's more like friends with benefits. Meh, this kind trundled into a slightly off-track ramble.</p>
<p>mosby & ariesathena, thank you for the kind words! I always hope someone out there might find a posting useful.</p>