I think we can all agree that going to college in/near one’s hometown can work out great.
It should be up to each student/family to work out how to structure things to best fit their particular needs/situation.
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Anyone who’s been on CC long enough will have seen posts in the college life forum from kids who go home every weekend and can’t make any friends. No surprise there. All the fun stuff happens at the weekends. People aren’t going to invest a lot of energy in becoming friends with a kid who is never around for the fun times.
It seems clear that living near home while going to college works best when parents and students have clear boundaries.
I was a commuter for all of college. I lived at home, worked a lot, and pretty much did my own thing. I viewed it as “my parent’s house” and probably overstayed my welcome, haha, because it took me six years to finish college. My whole social life was centered around friends at work. For me, going to college in my home town was the only option I considered. As I mentioned in another thread, going away to college was something kids did on the East Coast, not in my suburban California town.
For sure, I agree with this. I just think in our case since we are walking distance to campus it wouldn’t be “coming home for the weekend”. It would be popping by for an hour or two to do laundry or ask your dad to fix your iPhone and then going back to see your friends. I definitely agree and D22 agrees that she doesn’t want to come home right at first from college. She has a friend a year older who is a first year at a school about 3 hrs away from home and D22 felt like the friend was trying to come home too much (to see her boyfriend) and needed to stay on campus and make friends there and not miss out on the fun activities, but for kids who grew up in Chapel Hill popping by mom & dad’s is not missing out on the fun activities because it’s all so close by.
I think being so close she wouldn’t be homesick at all. UNC is practically in her backyard. I could see where if she had a bad fit for a roommate she might try to escape to home, but I don’t think she would be homesick and miss us or anything. We’re just too close. She didn’t want to stay that close to home and will be going several hours away and exploring a new place.
The kids I know who grew up in the area and go to UNC are involved in campus activities (on the Ultimate team, marching band, etc), live in the dorms, etc.
Oh, and I am in no way talking in generalities about how it should be for everyone. I am just following this thought experiment of “what if my kid went to UNC” which is the university in my hometown. I think I have a pretty clear picture of what that might be like, but you never know.
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Got it. I’m thinking of suitcase schools, and kids who leave campus right after classes on Friday and don’t come home until Sunday night.
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As you say, there is no one right path. We don’t have a university in our town, so that wasn’t an option for us, but also, I think it is educational to live in a different part of the country. There are so many stereotypes, I think it’s good to see a different perspective, and that reality can be very different from the stereotype.
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The student who attends a college close to home can do so in “commuter” or “suitcase” mode, but, if on-campus or near-campus living is affordable, also has the option of doing so in “residential” mode.
Basically, here are the possibilities, assuming no parental requirements beyond cost limits:
- Close to home, can only afford to commute: must attend in “commuter” mode.
- Close to home, can afford to live on-campus or near-campus: student choice of “residential”, “suitcase”, or “commuter” mode.
- Not close to home: must attend in “residential” mode.
I was a commuter student in my hometown, wouldn’t recommend it to others, wouldn’t do it if had a redo of life, wouldn’t do that to my kids.
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What if you lived in Boston? Do you eliminate all the Boston schools?
My kids had no interest in going to the universities/colleges in our city. Even one of the state flagships in the next state over at 1.5 hours away, was too close for them. On the other hand, they would have been homesick being a plane flight away, so that never appealed to them either. Each of them was/is about 3 hours away, which was ideal (we could be there quickly if we needed to and they could easily come home if they wanted. They didn’t/don’t come home very often, other than major holiday breaks, but I think they felt a sense of comfort that they could if they wanted to).
I would not have promoted the idea of either of my daughters going to a local college because they both, particularly my youngest, needed the experience of being far enough away to have to stick it out on rough days, and not having the ability to “hide” at home. Kind of a gentle but firm push from the nest. Of course every kid is different and of course my home will always be theirs and they are always welcome. I also agree that a lot of things happen on weekends and being local, there would be temptations to pop home to “sleep in my own bed” on weekends and short breaks.
Many local kids end up going to the state U located in our city (great school), but it does seem like they are home a lot of weekends. This particular university is struggling to overcome its reputation as a suitcase school and I do think there are more out-of-state students who do go there and stay on the weekends, but the kids that my daughters know seem to be home quite a bit.
My husband went to our college which was about 30 minutes away from his home (4.5 hours away from my home). He did go home a good bit because his family owned a business that he worked at on the weekends. I loved it because I got to do my laundry for free and eat some home cooked meals!
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My GD goes to Harvard and lives just outside Boston. Works out great for her. At Harvard, she’s in another world, but she can get home if she needs to. Last year she took a gap year and worked full time as a research assistant, but she lived in an apartment with a group of Harvard friends. Best of both worlds.
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I would suggest going somewhere sunny if kid want to go out of Boston. There are good schools in areas with good weather.