Good enough for a 10 on the essay?

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>Topic: Should people take more responsibility for solving problems that affect their communities or the nation in general?</p>

<p>Oftentimes, individuals rely on the nation instead of becoming more self relient and independent. By taking more responsibilities, people are able to affect their communities better than what the society is able to do. Several examples from literature clearly demonstrate that responsibility should be taken by people, and not by nation. </p>

<p>In the novel, To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee, Atticus' action transforms how the community perceives a different race. For example, Tom Robinson, a Black man, is accused of raping a white girl. Instead of ignoring and leaving up to the others to take care of the problem, he demonstrates courage and sympathy towards this man. Even when others acted against him, he rightfully defended him by showing evidence that he indeed did not rape her and had no intention to do so. Therefore, he presented evidence that clearly supported that her father intentionally set this up in order to frame him. Although the outcome of the trial did not turn out very well, it still promoted sympathy and understanding among people like Jem and Scout. If the people like Atticus had just relied on the government to do the job, then, our nation might never have gone out of inequality and racial prejudice. </p>

<p>In addition, in the novel by Native Son by Richard Wright, Max's action sent a message through people that we, as a people should fix the problem. Bigger who is raised during the time of harsh racial prejudice, commits a serious crime- he kills a white girl. This immediately rouses everyone's attention and demands he should be killed. However, Max argues that the society is also responsible for his crime and warns America to put an end to this cycle of hatred and vengeance. His actions prove that people should put themselves in his shoes by trying to understand him. </p>

<p>Examples from literature show it is critical that people take actions against the wrongs in the society and if they do not and just leave it up to others, then, the social problems will never be fixed. </p>

<p>Please leave ANY comments... I'm not sure I much I improved..=((
I'm gearing towards at least a 10.
Thanks =)</p>

2

<p>oops, reliant, not relient.</p>

3

<p>Any thoughts? please leave any comments…!</p>

4

<p>Definitely enough. It’s a nice, well-structured essay.</p>

5

<p>it’s good. with nice graders, it might even been a 12.</p>

6

<p>I’d say 8-9.</p>

<p>“By taking more responsibilities, people are able to affect their communities better than what the society is able to do”</p>

<p>Maybe you should user a better/stronger word. Try ‘influence’. When I read that thesis, I THINK I know what you are trying to say. To improve your thesis even more, try modifying ‘influence’. Put ‘positively influencing’. At least then, I know what you were meant to say.</p>

<p>“ng among people like Jem and Scout. If the people like Atticus had just relied on the government to do the job, then, our nation might never have gone out of inequality and racial prejudice.”</p>

<p>Who are Jem and Scout? O_o</p>

<p>OUR nation might never have gone out of inequality because of the fictional events in the book? That’s a bit too general. Instead of expanding to our nation, why not limit it to Atticus’ world? </p>

<p>I don’t really see any grammatical errors, so good job there! :slight_smile: Why not add a transitional word/phrase to the beginning of your concluding paragraph?</p>

<p>Hope I didn’t come across as too rude. I am in no position to giving critique and all (I got an 8 last time!), but I am also using this as an opportunity to improve myself. Good luck!</p>

7

<p>Thanks!! It really helped me!!</p>