4 years of being sad and alone in high school. College was supposed to be my chance to turn a new leaf. Nope, I’m still a loser here. I am worthless.
High schoolers, please take my advice. No matter how much you think getting into that dream school will help you, it simply won’t. I’m still miserable and I got into mine. If you’re a loser in high school, things won’t change because you got into a fancy college. You’re just a loser in a new location now. There’s no hope for us; I’m sorry.
Don’t go into college expecting to have a lot of friends and overcome your social inadequacies of high school. You’re the same worthless person as before. It’ll just be that much more crushing when you find this out after a few weeks of college.
I posted on here a while back explaining how I hated everyone at my school. I don’t think I hate everyone anymore. I just hate myself now.
You have friends here and you are certainly not a loser. Thinking is just an interpretation of the data as you see it. It’s a bit of a illusion tbh.
You’re valuable and obviously bright. Stick with that. Paul Allen and Bill Gates we’re complete nerds. Now they have documentaries and sports teams that they owned.
It’s a long game and focus on the realities. You’re at Harvard and you have a chance to have an amazing career and life. Millions would switch with you.
I am just going to waste this opportunity; I can already tell. I don’t have the skills to make the most out of this. All I feel like doing now is hiding in my dorm room. I’m not going to make it here or anywhere for that matter. I wish I could make myself invisible and go away where I won’t be able to make a fool out of myself anymore.
Well take a few minutes tomorrow and talk to a campus counselor. Harvard has great resources for you. Talking it over with a pro may help you determine if medication and therapy may help. Depression is an illness not a character flaw. If you feel this black I believe it’s more than just the blues. Be proactive. They don’t want you to feel this way and I know for a fact there are dozens or more that appear fine to you and feel the same way. No shame in admitting you could use a little help.
There is nothing that can be said to make me feel better. I’m just going to rot away. Why did I have to be brought up to be such a massive loser?
I don’t know how I’m going to summon the energy tomorrow to get through another day. I don’t want to leave my room anymore.
I can tell you many things that can make you feel better. Unfortunately you are not listening to me or to anybody else except to your depression. That’s what depression does to you.
Depression is insidious, sneaky, and nasty. It’s like having a little psychopath inside your head who is doing their best to translate everything your read, hear, or think into some negative reflection on you and on your life.
Depression is also a loudmouth and pretty good at drowning out attempts to ignore them. I know, because I have been battling depression for decades.
So, first of all, YOU ARE NOT A WORTHLESS LOSER!! I can shout even louder if need be.
You were NOT a loser in high school. You did well enough to have the stats and the extracurricular activities to be accepted to Harvard. So evidently you have a huge number of accomplishments from your four years of high school.
What’s more, you managed to accomplish all of this while battling depression. That is pretty impressive.
As for “social inadequacies”? It’s difficult even to summon up the minimal enthusiasm to smile and look somebody in the eye when saying “hello” when you’re deep in depression, so don’t beat yourself up for messing up some social interactions.
Expecting to be able to interact socially in a decent manner while in a bout of depression is like expecting to be able to participate in a dance party with two broken legs.
Instead of going to class tomorrow, go see a therapist or a campus counselor.
You are not alone.
PM me if you want to talk.
“Depression is insidious, sneaky, and nasty.”
Very true. However, depression is very frequently caused by something that resembles a chemical imbalance. In that regard it is sort of like allergies, only more serious. Like allergies, it can be treated effectively in the vast majority of cases. Depression should be thought of as a physical illness that causes mental problems. It is certainly not a lack of will or a weakness any more than any other disease is a lack of will or a weakness.
I have heard of students who were too depressed to eat or drink, but who with a few months of effective treatment were able to completely turn this around. I have seen huge smiles on the very same faces, and seen even more smiles when they showed their report cards with great grades or when they accomplished any of a list of other cool things. What they needed was effective treatment by medical professionals, and some time.
You should see a counselor at school. Harvard will have very good counselors that you can talk to. You should talk to them about seeing a psychiatrist and getting appropriate treatment, which might include both counseling and medication. Depending upon how you are doing in school, you might need to take a medical break (the counselor’s will know the proper term for this), take a bit of time to get better, and then return to Harvard.
You are correct that arriving at a top ranked university such as Harvard does not turn an unhappy person into a happy person. However, Harvard does have the counseling services that you need (as will many other universities) and does have people who are there specifically to help you.
OP, if you are convinced that you won’t do well then you got nothing to loose or fear. Just relax and give it a fair try, just to see how things roll. Have a good breakfast tomorrow morning and attend just one class. Afterwards, explore health center and counseling office to write a good review for this forum. We’ll look forward to read your observations about their food, your teacher and health/counseling services.
Go seek out a counselor at school. Like first thing tomorrow. The other posters are right that your depression will stop you from going. Don’t let it. Reach out right away.
In the meantime I will tell you a “It Gets Better” story. Some 25 years ago I felt exactly the same way you feel now. I was a social loser in high school and went off to college (I was not nearly as accomplished as you, by the way) thinking that everything was going to change and I was going to have the time of my life. I didn’t. I was the same socially awkward person. I made a few friends and had an ok time but college was not this magical experience I thought it would be.
I went out into the working world. I started to become more comfortable with myself as an individual. My social skills improved as I matured. I went to grad school after a few years of working and had the great time I had hoped to in college.
I began my current career with far more confidence than I had when I was an 18 year old college freshman. Fast forward and I now have an awesome spouse, two great kids, lovely friends and I’m a leader in my field. If you were to watch me running a big meeting in a fancy conference room or enjoying a Saturday afternoon bike ride with my close knit group of mom friends, you would never know that I was the college freshman spending weekend nights alone in my dorm room.
Be patient with yourself and recognize that you are a work in progress. Trust me - college is not the high point of your life. There are many high points to come. The best way to make sure you are there to experience them is to go talk to a counselor right away. Please do it.
Please know you have a lot of support here. Total strangers care about you! I hope that is a great feeling for you. You have worth and are an important person in this world who has a lot to offer. Take the advice the others have given you and go to your counseling center and start the steps to get some help. Just think how great it would be to start to feel better? You can do this.
Don’t be surprised to learn that many of us had experienced similar feelings of being a loser and/or being worthless. You are not alone. In a couple of years, you might not even remember what had made you so miserable.
For now, try to have good sleep, try to exercise, and talk to someone that you trust in life. Give tomorrow a chance. Please!
I’ve given tomorrow a chance over a 1,000 times by now. I have loser genetics. There is no getting around this problem, as I was marked with it during my formation. The best I can hope for is to cope with it. I hate myself so much.
I can’t go get mental counseling today. I have class and practice for sports. I don’t think I would anyway. I doubt I’d be able to express how I feel effectively to another person, so what’s the point? What could they say to make me feel better, plenty of people are losers so you aren’t alone? I just don’t think there’s anything that can be done to solve my problem unless there was someway to truly fix my social retardation.
You are definitely not alone. Many others have been in your shoes. It’s worth a try to go see someone at Harvard to talk through how you’re feeling. You never know if it might be helpful. You can do this! You’re NOT worthless. Even though you have the attributes and strengths to get into Harvard, it doesn’t mean you FEEL like you do and it sounds like you’re feeling you’re not worth it. Talking to someone about those feelings might pull you out of the tailspin you seem to be in. That’s what they’re there for. Can your parents be a support in any way? If so, try reaching out to them.
Find something you’re passionate about. Devote your energy to it. You’ll find equally passionate and devoted people who you can connect with.
My mother passed on and I’m not close to my father or the rest of my family. They don’t truly care about me. They just keep up appearances so they can feel good about themselves.
Make going to counseling a priority. If you don’t express yourself well verbally, print out what you wrote here and show it to a counselor. You don’t need to weather these feelings alone.
Well done you: you have figured out something that it takes most people a lot longer to figure out (and some people never do):
The outside markers are never enough. There is no amount of fame or fortune that can make you feel right on the inside.
The tough part for you is that you are smart enough to argue yourself into a corner- but you don’t know how to get out of that corner. Then, because you haven’t figured out how to get out of the corner, you don’t believe that anybody else can help you either.
Somewhat ironically, the people who do know how to help you get out of the corner that you are in are people who are mostly not as ‘intellectual’ as you, and have not won at the contests that you have (until now) seen as the important ones.
And because you are in a corner, you don’t realize how limited your perspective is- you can only see two sides: good/bad. right/wrong. possible/impossible. And (stretching the analogy) because it’s a dark corner, you see them in all black and white.
But, if some tiny part of you didn’t wish or hope that you are wrong you would never have started this thread. You have given several reasons not to go to the counseling center, but they are all variants of ‘what good would it do / it’s hopeless’. You started this thread: get up now (before you can talk yourself out of it), walk down to the counseling center and show them this thread. You don’t even have to say a word. Just show it to them.