<p>Hey there. Im going to warn you in advance that this is going to take a bit of time to read. If youd rather not, (and I understand completely if this is the case) then theres a tl;dr at the bottom of the post, so feel free to skip over most of the text.</p>
<p>Ill start things off with my situation in high school. Ive always been student who hasnt had to put too much into my schoolwork to do well. I suppose that sort of led me to a sense of superiority over my classmates. If I could do just as well or better than them without really trying, clearly I was just on a whole different level. In addition to my two older sisters having a similar attitude to the people from our high school (which was quite small I might add. It had an average graduating class of about 100 students.), one of them in particular. Well call this sister Beatrice. The sister who wasnt so much of an elitist well call Jamey. Now Jamey went to a very selective and prestigious private college, and was really happy with that. Beatrice went to a small public school which is also held in pretty high regard. Beatrice really wanted me to attend the same school as me. I marked it down as a possibility and continued on my way through high school.</p>
<p>Whenever the schools that people from my high school typically talked about came up in conversation, Beatrice typically talked down about them. One was just a really awful school for idiots (this is completely untrue, though I didnt realize that at the time) and the other was basically just like going to high school all over again. Now with my false sense of superiority in mind, I agreed with her, and discredited these schools in my mind. As I progressed through high school, I grew really close to a group of friends. I didnt really realize it at the time, but these friendships became really important to me. Now, fast forward a bit, and we all graduate high school, and become even closer over the summer before we go to college. All of my friends were going to one of the schools I mentioned earlier and I was going to the same school that Beatrice attended. I was really excited to go for most of the summer, because I was ready to move on with my life, and make my real friends. I was going to be the first person of my friends to leave for college, and as the date grew closer and closer, I began to realize that I didnt want to go. I wasnt ready to leave my friends behind. I got really sad in the days leading up to my leaving, and didnt really mention it to anyone up to the last day, at which point I talked to my mom about it. She told me that it was normal, and Id be better once I had gotten to college and made new friends. I took her word for it, and we left the next day.</p>
<p>We got to my college early on move in day, and soon enough, I was all settled in and my parents had left. At this point, I finally met my roommate. He was a nice enough guy, though I didnt find him to be particularly remarkable. The people in the neighboring rooms introduced themselves a short while after that, and I hung out with them for a while, and then we went to do the typical freshman orientation ice breaker stuff that was going to be going on over the next couple days. I went through the activities, and I feel like I did perfectly fine in introducing myself to everyone. And yet I had no friends on my floor, and no invitations to hang out or go to the cafeteria with them or anything. I didnt particularly like people on my floor, but they were certainly people I could tolerate, and maybe make friends with certain people. Surely it would get better and someone would approach me to come hang out. But the days of orientation week passed, and not a single invitation was shot my way. </p>
<p>Naturally I was feeling pretty sad about this, so I called home and talked to my parents for advice. They told me that maybe when classes started things would get better, and maybe if I hung out in the lounge and left my door open, things would get better. All I had to do was put myself out there, they said. I had never had to do anything like this. In high school, I was a fairly popular kid. Most of the time, people would just approach me to do things, so I never really felt lonely when I was at school. But oh well, hanging out in the lounge and leaving my door open were easy enough. I heeded their advice, and did just that. I hung out in the lounge with some people, and my door was open for most of the time that I was in my room. And yet not a single friend was made. I couldnt rely on my sense of humor to charm people because I essentially have to have something to make fun of to be funny, and then I just come across as an ******* unless people know me better than that. I was feeling incredibly lonely, and ended up calling home again, and got more or less the save advice again, and that maybe transferring schools would be an option. </p>
<p>Bearing this in mind, I went and talked to my friends at home over skype, who at this point had started with their college. They seemed to be really enjoying it, and I was pretty jealous of that. This was supposed to be my time to excel. Classes started the next day, and while I did make some acquaintances, I still had no offers to go do anything. I was no longer eating in the cafeteria, but I didnt like the cafeteria food anyway. My roommate wasnt in the room very much in the evenings, so this left me alone. So Id be just sitting in my room, feeling like a total loser. Ive always felt really uncomfortable asking people if I can be included, and Im not sure if its something Ill ever be able to do. So I would leave my door open, and hang out in the lounge in the afternoons, hoping and praying that someone would invite me to do something. But still, nothing. I would go on walks on my own a lot in the evening. It helped me to take my mind off of things. I kept my parents semi informed about my situation, though I didnt really give them too many details. I was beginning to feel really hopeless and just wanted to go home and transfer schools. Nothing would have meant more to me than to see a friend.</p>
<p>I guess that leads me up to today. Today, I had lunch with Beatrice. This had been the first time I ate a meal with someone for about a week. I was pretty bummed, and that came across pretty plainly I suppose. I sort of hinted that I was thinking about transferring schools to one of the earlier mentioned ones. She gave me some advice, told me not to be judgemental of people, and sent me on my way. About a half an hour later, she sent me a text that essentially told me that I wasnt trying and to suck it up. She told me that the reason I had no friends so far was because I hadnt tried, and that I would just be miserable at the other school, because by then I would be replaced by my friends, as they would already be in a groove. This is probably the most hurt Ive ever felt in my life. I texted her back that I was tired of her condescending ********, and after a bit more back and forth, we quit texting. At this point, my mom called, and I assumed she had been filled in by what had happened by Beatrice. In my mind, she sort of sided with her, and continued telling me that all I needed to do was put myself out there more and be the person who starts conversations, etc She reinforced that it wasnt a good idea to switch colleges as my friends would probably have already moved on and I would be just as miserable there.</p>
<p>I felt really mad, depressed and heartbroken. I dont feel like I can make friends here, and now the people who care about me most are telling me that wont change no matter where I go. So I went back up to the lounge and continued studying. I found that I couldnt focus, and I certainly wasnt in the mood to talk to people, so here I am in my dorm room, sitting in my bed alone, typing this. Ive never felt this alone or hopeless. It legitimately feels like I have no one sympathizing with me. Its easy to look in on my situation and tell me to be more outgoing, but it just doesnt feel that simple to me. Im absolutely terrified of rejection. Its one of the things Ive learned about myself since arriving at college. All I want right now is a friend, but I just dont know what to do. Theres an activities fair next week, but my hopes really arent very high. All the confidence in myself that I had built up has been reduced to virtually nothing in a single week. I miss my friends like crazy. I didnt realize how much I liked those guys until it was too late to change my mind about leaving everyone behind.</p>
<p>tl;dr: Im at college, and feel completely and hopelessly alone without a single friend. Im starting to feel depressed, and just dont know what to do.</p>