<p>I also hate it when I'm used as a benchmark of intelligence. My parents (my mom in particular) are always saying "(My name), you should be more like (other person). He went to a 3-year direct medical/pharmacy program at (college, usually unknown)." It's the Indian-American dream to do that, eh?</p>
<p>I trick my Asian parents out of the regular mindset. Like this:</p>
<p>--
"I want you to go to Princeton like (the son of some rich friend)."
"Of course! I'm applying to Harvard and Yale too. Then, maybe Harvard Medical School? Maybe Law at Yale? HOW ABOUT BOTH!
"..."</p>
<h2>"Can you pay my tuition?"</h2>
<p>Instantly gets Asian parents off your back.</p>
<p>My parents told me that they'd mortgage the house. They saw right through me. Damn.</p>
<p>southeasttitan</p>
<p>I am not condoning this action I am saying that kids should stop thinking that they are blameless. Asian parents have it harder than their kids realize. They moved away from their relatives, gave up their old life, their old job, just to provide their kids with better opportunities. It's not easy adjusting to a new world when you've lived most your life somewhere else. Generally they have high expectations for their kids and sometimes they are frustrated that we are not trying as hard as we can. I agree that putting down your own child is counterproductive and hurtful, but no one is perfect and sometimes we say things out of anger. The people here should realize that their parents are trying to motivate them. Yes they might be failing miserably but cut them some slack, we don't like it when our parents expect perfection out of us. Finally, I would like to point out that no person in their right mind would give up everything and move halfway across the globe for a child they think is worthless. </p>
<p>I may have taken too harsh a stance in my first post. Thank you southeasttitan for responding civilly. I hope everyone can continue to have an intelligent discussion.</p>
<p>I know we're all having fun demonizing our parents, but for Asian parents it really is just their culture. It's a very different one from the US one that focuses more on fun and 'being true to yourself,' but not necessarily an inferior one. In an Asian country with a huge population, this kind of attitude is the only way to survive. Of course we all wish our parents would logically come to the conclusion that their values are not needed for their children in this society anymore, but 1) changing your core values is very, very hard. It's like trying to get an American to support Communism. It feels ridiculous and horrible to them, and most of all FOREIGN 2) Hey, it might actually help. For immigrants, children of immigrants, grandchildren of immigrants, this focus on education can actually be the key to successfully assimilating quickly. You may hate this academic drive, but it is the reason- pardon me, I'm not trying to be derogatory to anyone- but it is the reason that other minorities are as a whole much more prone to poverty and social problems. I'd rather study hours every day than spend those days taking care of my baby, or even partying and getting drunk :)
I am a first generation immigrant in that I immigrated when I was...about 4. So I'm lucky that my mother has slowly adapted to this new culture even from middle age, something that is very hard... but she's always been open minded. As in her teachers had to force her to apply to top colleges back in China, because she didn't want to make her parents pay the 12 yuan a month boarding fee. And then she got in and happily settled into the top quartile without worrying about being in the top few. And <em>then</em> she decided to be an English teacher...which, actually, may have helped her A LOT these past few years. Haha, weird tangent. What I'm trying to say is, even the most "strange" things work out.</p>
<p>
[quote]
In an Asian country with a huge population, this kind of attitude is the only way to survive.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Actually, the most likely reason for the stereotypical "Asian" behavior is the Confucian exam system of the past. It has little to do with population demographics. The US is the third most populous country in the world, and we certainly haven't adopted strict meritocratic admissions.</p>
<p>Whoa.
What with the mothers backstabbing and comparing their kids and all, with the whole 'what an ugly kid' thing, some of your parents/ your parents' friends seems like pretty nasty people.
I don't know, most of the Asians I know are education-oriented for the human values part (believing in hard work, not being spoiled, etc) rather than for the money... and they're very nice people.
Maybe my mom just has nice friends?</p>
<p>Yup, wasn't that like... in the Song dynasty? Or the Tang.. lol
Anyway, in China education is the only way for rural people to get anywhere in life besides 'poor farmer.' It really is, poverty-stricken or happy professional. Just my two cents. My mother was a rural girl, it was different for her though because my grandparents were professionals and she only lived in the country until she was 9 because <em>her</em> grandmother lived there. But she says that's really how things were. Unless your parent are much younger than in their forties,
Besides, most Asian people come from the billion+ population India and China.</p>
<p>I took the SATs in middle school too! I can't say I studied, cos, I didn't. Shh, it's a secret!
Anyway, it was a positive thing. I scored well enough that my mom officially doesn't care about standardized testing anymore. I'm a freshman, btw.</p>
<p>When I was seven my mom took me to a park and told me that if I didn't memorize the multiplication tables we wouldn't go home.
When I was seven, AFTER I'd memorized those tables, she hit me with a ruler when I couldn't learn double digit multiplication. I didn't get that you had to go from right to left. Anyway, she ended up crying and said she was sorry. For the record, she didn't actually <em>hurt</em> me, it was more the emotional trauma for me of not getting it and being forced to keep doing it.
She made me skip a grade. I really didn't want to.
She made me go into a gifted program. I really, really didn't want to leave my friends.
But you know what? Now, I'm very happy in said program. I have friends whom I love. I have reached a large percentage of my academic potential. Who knows, maybe this would have happened if she hadn't forced me to do all this in elementary school. I know I suffered a LOT socially and emotionally in school those earlier years, partially because of my bad cultural transfer from China to America, homesickness, 'losing' my dad because they separated, etc, but who knows if I'd've been happier otherwise right?
I am very, very prone to sulking and being moody about perceived advantages that I've never received. Because I live in a good neighborhood where everyone is more affluent, I suppose. But then... I could be a farm girl in China.. I could be a poor inner-city kid... I could have NO parents instead of one... I could be an average intelligence Asian kid with neurotic parents.. I'm lucky too.</p>
<p>I hate, hate, hate how one of my friends' parents hold me up as her example.
For one think, WTH? Me? Example?
But it has been really bad for our relationship. She gets mad at me for random things- perceived bragging when I'm not, even when she gets higher grades than me- I want to yell at her- there are so many things I am jealous of you for, and for better reasons, but do I rant about it!- But I won't, because that won't help-
And her parents are the sweetest people.</p>
<p>Wow, this thread has changed so much since the thread was posted in 2005. I have nothing to say right now. The only thing I would like to see is for the original people who commented on the original thread to take a look at what they wrote--has the opinion changed, stayed the same 2 years later? That would be interesting to see because as we get older, sometimes our opinions do change and it would just be interesting to see whether it has changed or not.</p>
<p>^I agree! That'd be really interesting.</p>
<p>I have to say that although when I was younger my parents did place a lot of strain on me (which is the reason why I play piano XD), they've adapted to the American outlook on education, that being one which is self-motivated and less focused on numbers. In middle school, I actually got "poor" grades for an Asian (roughly 2 to 3 B's a quarter) but when I reached high school, I had a Renaissance or something because now almost everything I do now is self-motivated. It's worked; I've consistently gotten top grades and have a range of extracurriculars that I love. Ironically, my parents have started caring less and less about the "direction" of my future; in fact, they recently told me that wherever I go, as long as I maintain my desire to do well, I will be successful. They say that I've given college my best shot and if I can't go to Stanford or Yale, they certainly wouldn't mind sending me to Duke, RPI, or a state school. </p>
<p>As mentioned above though, a lot of Asian parents come from overseas, give up their former lives in order to pursue better opportunites that we, an early generation of Asian Americans, sometimes take for granted, and wish that their children would take advantage of the sacrifices they've made. I can definitely see why this culture exists and cannot argue that it has produced relatively good results. </p>
<p>But, I guess the openness and freedoms that my parents have allowed me have made me a little less rebellious and a lot more cynical of the "Asian" way of education. I intensely dislike the stereotype that a lot of Asians are forced to carry because their parents have mandated everything they do. Not to say that a social life will get you into college, but maintaining leadership, an interesting character, and a way of communicating yourself other than through numbers will help you with admissions just as much as test scores nowadays. </p>
<p>Also, there's certainly a correlation between the Chinese national exam, which is historically the method by which students apply for college, and why Asian Americans care so much about test scores. Furthermore, the reason why a lot of Asian Americans promote the study of a classical instrument is that a lot of them haven't been exposed to many other "American" instruments and probably view learning a classical instrument as "more intelligent" and "sophisticated". And, of course, math and the sciences are always emphasized because a large number of the Asian parents who can make the travel overseas to the "land of opportunity" have some high level degree in one of those areas. That's why they're able to come to the U.S. in the first place. Asian education does, indeed, focus a lot more on math and science.</p>
<p>With that being said, times are changing. A lot of Asians applying to college today are still of the first or second generation. I myself am a first generation and know the pressures that have always existed because both my parents graduated from the top university in China. However, I believe that a lot of Asian parents are learning, and even if those parents never change, their kids will surely be affected nonetheless. I'm sure that in fifty years Asian American culture will be dramatically different.</p>
<p>An Asian friend of mine is getting an A- in history and her parents are making her drop all ECs.</p>
<p>So math/science is commonly held to be the popular Asian preference.
Supported or stereotyped, I can't say.
What about girls though? Because girls in general tend to cluster more around humanities, would Asian girls therefore be split half and half between humanities and sciences? Just wondering whether being a humanities Asian girl would be rare at all, and therefore helpful :)
If anyone has statistics, that would be nice... but you can just tell me from experience too.</p>
<p>This thread is POPULAR.
Wow, there are a lot of Asians on this site ^.^</p>
<p>Wow...that's all I can say after reading this thread...I have Asian parents and I can safely say I have never experienced most of what people are posting here...sure I've been called an idiot a few times, but that's about the extent of it.</p>
<p>My parents never really pushed me towards a certain path, they didn't seem disappointed when I attended ASU then later UW and not one of their "preferred" schools like UCLA or UCB. Fast forward now to two years later when I told them I was dropping out of college to enlist in the Air Force and that my ultimate goal was to pursue a Criminal Justice degree and become a cop after I left the service. They didn't seem that disappointed, or at least didn't show any disappointment overtly. They haven't disowned me yet...</p>
<p>whoa. some of this stuff is actually pretty malicious. like the ugly Asian women thing, and the jaw line of a chimpanzee. because most asians do have chins that go in more, but that doesn't mean they're chimpanzees, jeez.</p>
<p>Keshira...I'm not sure about your question regarding humanities, but I know that math and science are definitely overrepresented among Asians. I think it has something to do with culture; in Asia, math and science were mostly regarded as the more difficult courses, especially physics, because of Cold War tensions and technological advancement. Even today, especially in third world countries where these subjects are even more applicable to improving life, math and science majors find jobs easier, I think. That doesn't apply to America, of course, because as history has shown, the wealthier a state is, the more energy and resources it has to dedicate to the learning of humanities and arts. </p>
<p>I mean, I'm generalizing a lot and some of my statements might be ficticious. But that's my explanation...</p>
<p>Hmm, I'd thought something along that line =] And my Washington (the state, the state!) friends that are Asian are mostly more science-y too. I would say that I am a humanities girl... because I love language(s), psychology, anthropology, music (but no skills...no skills except for little natural talent at singing)...but that's not necessarily true. I like to say that I'm equally proficient at math/science and language/socialsci, it's just that there a lot more people who are <em>more</em> proficient than me at math :) Anyway I was just wondering if my 'abnormal' interests would give me a college edge- naturally not balancing out AA, but something...?</p>
<p>I like Britney Spears too. I bet you don't get a lot of <em>that</em> among Asians!</p>