Grad school and my parents

Parents Forum
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<p>I have NEVER wanted to rely on parents–if I did, I’d be applying to law school</p>

<p>If that is what you really want to do- then I suggest you pursue that.</p>

<p>I did see that when hotels have more than 50 rooms,they do need to provide accessible accommodations of 1% of rooms</p>

<p>When selecting cities to pursue work or school, it may be helpful to take that into consideration.
We all have criteria for selection, my older daughters included a city with excellent public transportation,because she did not want the hassle or expense of a car.
This really limited her choice of colleges- but if a criteria is important to you & you ignore it- THAT is going to be a major PITA in the long run</p>

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<p>I think what’s causing those of us reading your words to react the way we are is that your post wasn’t “Hey, I am disabled / use a wheelchair and have some questions about how to go about making travel arrangements.” It was about wanting your parents’ emotional and tangible support, and only after a few posts was it apparent that you are in a wheelchair and apparently unable to navigate a standard hotel room by yourself, which complicates matters.</p>

<p>If your question is really about traveling with disabilities, I am sure there are forums devoted to that topic that would provide lots of useful info about specific hotels, airlines, etc. that are accommodating. </p>

<p>But I don’t think that was what you really came here for.</p>

<p>Let’s say you were able to work out the logistics of flying by yourself. Is that the real issue? Or is it that you feel your parents don’t emotionally support you? Those are two wildly different issues.</p>

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<p>If you’ve never wanted to rely on your parents, then why is your parents’ disapproval preventing you from traveling? It is really difficult for us to tell whether the stumbling block is physical inability to travel without another person (which we find hard to believe – there are plenty of disabled people who travel independently) or wanting your parents to buy in to what you are doing.</p>

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<p>OP has me terribly confused. It sounds like she needs her parents’ help with the cost of traveling to these interviews or maybe would like to have some physical help while traveling. So more than emotional support may be asked for.</p>

<p>Traveling is such a hassle anyway–by the time you get to your interview, you’ll be all worn out. If you were my kid and it were at all possible, I’d accompany you on your interview travels. [Don’t flame me, parents! I think this is a special situation.] If your parents can’t afford it, then maybe you could take out a student loan to pay for these interview expenses.</p>

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<p>Nonetheless, in light of the disability, I think the Skype interview idea is an excellent one. Could you try that, OP? Do you think you might be able to say, “You may not be aware, but I have xyz issues which make traveling more difficult, cumbersome and expensive for me than for your average person. Please rest assured this is no way affects my ability to blah-blah-blah. Would it be possible to conduct the interview via videoconferencing / Skype?”</p>

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<p>ok sorry I misunderstood the law schoolreference- Ihave a problem understanding sentences structured that way.
:o
but I imagine you have learned to think outside the box- although I do notice adult children do tend to revert when around their parents.
;)</p>

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<p>You can ask about videoconferencing, but I doubt you’ll be accomodated. These programs are very competitive and they’ll probably think that people overcome all sorts of obstacles to get to their interviews and if you can’t get there, it’s your issue. They don’t have to interview every student (and they don’t) so they are doing you a favor by even allowing you to get to the interview stage. </p>

<p>Basically, I would repeat that as frustrating and difficult as this is, this is going to be your reality for the whole of your life (for example, as a Phd, you’ll probably have to travel to conferences and other events pretty frequently to share your research).</p>

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<p>Actually, the issue of who will pick up interview/application expenses when it comes time for junior to apply to med school or grad school is one that we don’t discuss much on CC.</p>

<p>I went to a panel discussion where a medical student noted that it could cost up to $10K to apply to medical school per year. 20-30 applications at $100 a pop. If you are lucky, you will get 7-10 interviews and will spend money to fly to these places, rent a car, hotel and meal expenses, etc. I had no idea!</p>

<p>Looks like it makes sense to put together a grad school application fund if you think your kid is planning on getting a PhD–whether the kid should do so out of summer/on campus earnings or parent should help is a family decision that should be considered.</p>

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<p>“Looks like it makes sense to put together a grad school application fund if you think your kid is planning on getting a PhD–whether the kid should do so out of summer/on campus earnings or parent should help is a family decision that should be considered”</p>

<p>Or the young adult could do what many of us did – work a few years while gaining maturity and self knowledge while paying off college loans and saving some money. This also would allow the young adult time to assess whether it makes financial sense to seek a doctorate in their intended field. </p>

<p>Then, the young adult could use their own funds to apply to grad school, and also could seek programs that offer fellowships and other assistance.</p>

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<p>Question, very off-topic. (Sorry, but it’s a concern of mine.) Since you need recs, wouldn’t that possibly be detrimental, seeing as how your professors will most likely forget about you in those few years you’re working? I mean, you could keep contact (through email?), but even then, it seems like you’d generally wind up with worse recs than you would otherwise if you decide to just go straight to grad school.</p>

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<p>I took a few years off after college graduation, and it was the best decision I ever made.</p>

<p>The OP can still create a dossier file that the career services will save until he/she applies to graduate school. However, if you already have close relationships with professors (I visited mine last month, and none of them forgot about me after 3 years), then taking time off won’t be detrimental. I always kept in touch via email. The OP may also change career interests (like I did).</p>

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<p>Option #1: You can ask professors to write grad school reccs while you’re still in college. They can give a copy to you that you can send back to them and have them revise when you’re ready to go to college.</p>

<p>Option #2: You can keep in touch with your former professors so they remember you. I’ve written recommendations as many as 10 years after I taught some students. I remembered them well because they kept in touch.</p>

<p>Option #3: Take a few night or weekend classes while working and ask those profs for reccs. (This is what I did when applying to grad school 3 years after I had finished college.)</p>

<p>I think that some perhaps even all grad/professional schools accept reccs from current or past employers. These may be extremely helpful particularly if one is working in a field related to the one that you want to study in grad school.</p>

<p>I know plenty of people who went to grad/professional school many years after graduating from college. Some even went as many as 20-30 years after graduating from college. Clearly, recommendations from one’s college professors aren’t necessary in many cases.</p>

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<p>Getting back to the OP…</p>

<p>I am seconding the earlier suggestion of going on some sites that blog/offer info. on travel assistance for wheelchair-bound travelers. (If there are other daily accommodations that you need beyond a wheelchair, I’m sure there are bloggers/sites for those travelers, as well!)</p>

<p>Many schools have some kind of on-campus guest house/lodging etc. If it’s on a college campus, it is much more likely to have the full compliment of accessibility – larger doors, properly fitted bathrooms etc. </p>

<p>You can also look into area lodging, beyond what’s offered on campus, for your top choice schools. Newer construction of national chain hotels should offer properly fitted rooms - including door size. </p>

<p>Just about all schools have disability offices. Some will be more helpful than others. But, you should also contact these offices in advance of any visit, to get an idea of what accommodations they may already have in place for potential students visiting their campus.</p>

<p>You should start checking out some of these options at the schools you’d be most interested in attending…just so you have things lined up before the interview. Then, perhaps, for some of your top choice schools, you could present your parents with a written plan of your specific strategies and arrangements for getting to and from the airport, getting through the airport and onto the plane. How, once you get to a new location, you’ll get through the airports and to the school and your lodging. Include some contingency plans, if resources that you think will be available, aren’t. Be specific for each location.</p>

<p>Then, your parents will know you’re prepared to do this kind of travel.</p>

<p>It would probably be overwhelming to do this research for everywhere you’ve applied. But, you should try to do it for at least 5 - 8 places…that you think you’re likely to be invited to. Your presentation to your parents will require research and planning — but, as others have noted, you’ll need to do that after college, anyway, if you’re in a field in which you’ll need to present papers, travel to conferences etc.</p>

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<p>The universities’ offices that help disabled students also should be able to help you with your travel concerns.</p>

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<p>One thing that I learned from having to fly a relative who needed wheelchair accommodations–airlines are set up to handle this sort of thing well. You just need to get in touch with them and arrange things in advance.</p>

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<p>Points:</p>

<p>I said I WANT my parents’ support, but if push comes to shove, I’ll go without it. Similarly, you may WANT your spouses’ support, but you don’t always need it.</p>

<p>I’m furious because: People with disabilities ARE dependent on people. Dependency does NOT equal immaturity. Dependency is NOT a choice. It says nothing about emotional or intellectual maturity. For you, anna, or anyone else do assume that is rediciously insulting. </p>

<p>I’m incredibly mature, and I’ve traveled to conferences, published papers, etc., the whole bit. Disability does NOT equal immaturity. All of your saying that posts are presumptious and kind of insulting.</p>

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<p>If that’s the case, then why is this thread entitled “Grad School and My Parents”?</p>

<p>You seem to have changed the focus of your question from your original post. What precisely do you wish to ask the forum? The merits of a master’s vs. Ph.D program? Methods for handling transportation issues? If it’s how to get your parents to be supportive of your grad school plans, then we’re back to square one.</p>

<p>I went back and re-read every post in this thread. No one said that your disability made you immature. People did say that your original post read as if you were seeking your parents’ approbation of your grad school plans. If that was not your intention, perhaps you might want to rephrase your question so that you can get the advice that you seek.</p>

<p>One more thing - there is no “e” in “ridiculous”.</p>

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<p>Good for you. You’ve come from “I don’t know what to do” in your original post to “I’ll go ahead and do what I want to do” in your latest post. Sounds like your thinking as jelled in the past 3 pages of comments.</p>

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<p>Hey wanttobe-I noticed that you only have a few posts, so unless you’ve posted under another name-then you’re new here. I hope to help you navigate this site, because I learned all this the hard way myself. There are going to be some negative things that you don’t agree with, some write things that you feel are personally insulting. Most of the time people don’t mean it that way, almost everyone is trying to help. Best thing is to just take what you need from it, or explain things a little more-nobody has any idea about the real YOU, so don’t take it personally. But despite the obvious rude comment, people are really trying to be useful to you. They may just need more clarification. Of course, if you get more confrontational then people will respond in kind.</p>

<p>And you don’t want to miss the 9 out of 10 posts that are really helpful to you if you end up focusing on the ones that seem insulting. People are just trying to help figure out the issue and help you find the way to your dream.</p>

<p>Conversely, in the process you may help educate others about dealing with a disability. I definitely learn more than I give on CC!</p>

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<p>Maybe it would help everyone if you were to tell us what your ideal situation would be? If you could wave a magic wand, what does the best case scenario look like with regards to your upcoming trips and parents? What is it you need/hope for/want? I’m still confused about what you need from this board so maybe others are too. </p>

<p>You might also consider sending an PM to John. He too had some specific physical challenges creating barriers to his dream career, his parents were not as supportive as he desired, and he too got quite suddenly upset and defensive with posters’ suggestions on the parent forum: </p>

<p><a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/786872-no-responses-premed-forum-college-forum-so-asking-help.html?highlight=med+school[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/786872-no-responses-premed-forum-college-forum-so-asking-help.html?highlight=med+school&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;