Hey all! So I’m a 24 (almost 25) year old who is a grad student. In my opinion, I do everything right. I still miss my family and visit them often. I would consider myself conservative for sure, and I am a christian, as well as my family. But whenever I go home to visit, my parents are super weird about alcohol. Whenever I go out with my friends, they don’t really “allow it.” And after visiting my parents, my dad confronted me and was like “I went through your room and found 3 empty bottles of alcohol!!!” And got really mad at me. I just feel weird. I don’t know if it’s normal for parents to do that. It’s not like I am an alcoholic or a druggie, obviously. I love visiting my parents but I don’t know why they are making me feel bad about this? I work so hard all the time and just want to please them. I am about to graduate with my masters degree at the University of Southern California and feel like I deserve to have fun once and awhile. But I don’t want to disappoint them. Has anyone gone through the same thing? If so, what did you do?
Well you are an adult. It appears your parents are having a tough time with that. Now that you know how they feel about alcohol, as an adult you can avoid drinking alcohol around them or having bottles in their house. Some people are opposed to any alcohol at all. Sometimes parents don’t want to see evidence that their offspring are all grown up. Looks like your parents have both things going. So, appease them. I assume you don’t live with them so it should be pretty easy to leave them happy and go off with your friends if you want to drink or party. Why do they need to know?
“In my opinion, I do everything right.” That is about as sanctimonious a statement as I have seen on CC. Ugh.
Yeah, I agree. I feel like my dad acts like everything is all good when I come to visit, and he is a doctor so when I come home to visit sometimes he’s on call. I’ve had a few parties, and just put the bottles in my drawer. I adore my dad, and am financially dependent on him until I am done with grad school (this semester I’ll be done, then it’s all on me). But I guess I just feel like I’m 18 or something, and TOTALLY disappointed him. I’m back at school now, but for some reason after he confronted me today I can’t get it out of my mind. I just feel really bad.
Your father is still treating you like a child. As an adult, you are not responsible to your parents anymore unless you choose to be. As @lostaccount suggested, you can certainly try to avoid the situation by pretending to live up to their expectations when they are around, and live how you wish otherwise. Your other option is to discuss the issue with them (to see exactly what their objections are and how they line up with your intentions) and if there is still disagreement let them know that you are living your live on your own terms, like an adult… but that will redefine your relationship with them in an unpredictable way. I’ve known people who needed to do that for their parents to accept them as adults, but I’ve also known people who no longer speak to their parents, including my own sister. You just have to decide what kind of consequence you are willing to bear.
Your parent’s house, their rules. If they don’t want to have alcohol in their house, you should respect that pov.
I think the OP meant in terms of being a good daughter, not that she never makes mistakes.
Not sure why you have that interpretation… I just re-read the post, and still don’t see it that way.
He found 3 empty bottles in your room? What reaction did you expect? Both of mine drink responsibly and I’d be concerned if I found empties in their rooms. And three bottles, at that. Why?
You have a situation where you know your parents are opposed. I just hope those drinking parties weren’t in your room, too.
We can claim all we want that your age makes you an adult but you are still dependent, this is the family home, and respect is called for. I’m the camp that says you are how you act, not just age and grad school performance. Use your maturity wisely. …if this is a serious thread question.
She said she had a party. Why is the parent going through the room? Overbearing.
A drinking party in her bedroom, when parents are opposed? This situation is not all about nosey parents. It seems OP needs some better judgment.
Just because all of the things that followed are things that mean being good in the context of her family - visiting home often, missing her family, being a Christian the way the rest of her family is. But I could be wrong - the OP didn’t say so I don’t know for sure.
Why is this a question in a grad school forum? Seems like the OP could benefit from some counseling to help her deal with her situation and establish her independence.
I assume you are keeping liquor in your room because your parents wouldn’t allow you to keep in in the main part of the house. I have to say that I would bothered if my kids kept liquor in their rooms and I am not opposed to drinking, (though I would not go digging through drawers to find it) Because this is so important to your parents, try and find a compromise to avoid future conflict.
FYI - in case this wasn’t a typo, the “C” in Christian should be capitalized.