Grade my essay (1-12)

<p>TOPIC: Do people accomplish more when they are allowed to do things their own way ?
*** I posted an essay yesterday here and i had some mistakes you told me about, so i decided to write a new one and improve them.*</p>

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<p>Have you ever wondered if people could progress and accomplish more following their own rules? In my opinion, and as proposed by the philosopher Mill, "people are free so long as they do not harm others''. People could accomplish more if they were allowed to follow their orders and rules, but in such a way as to not harm other people. Being ruled by your society or community in a way that you are not allowed to do the things you love, will not help you accomplish anything, but might have bad consequences on the community. Throughout society and in life the evidence to prove my viewpoint is persuasive.</p>

<p>As in the novel 1984 by George Orwell, when the ruling party in London prohibited free thought, sex and any expression of individuality. Winston Smith, who was a low ranking member of the ruling party, felt frustrated by the oppression and rigid control of the party and tried to stop them by purchasing a diary in which to write his criminal thoughts, but he got seized by them and they tried to brainwash him. Although he struggled to resist but he ended up in the room 101, the final destination for anyone who opposes the party, and he ended up accepting the party entirely.
Another vivid example was during the 1900s, scientist Robert Goddard developed the idea of exploding fuel to launch an object to a certain height. This idea was considered absurd to many of the scientist of his time and they thought it would never be useful. Still that did not stop him from researching and experimenting with rockets. Believing in his own ideas, Goddard launched many rockets until it gained the recognition of a school named Clark University. This opened a field of science known as rocket science. Today his discoveries are the foundation of NASA, and he is known as the father of modern rocketry.
My last example would be when Portuguese in 1543, supplied Japan with guns, such that by the end of the 16th century Japan hard more guns than anywhere else in the world. Yet they were abandoned and within a century there were none in use in Japan. The best explanation to this was that the Samurai felt that the guns are to dispatch them with ease when they spend their whole life perfecting their skills; They wanted to train and raise their skills on their own way and they accomplished respect from the world and accomplished pride for themselves.
If people are allowed to do things their own way and in freedom, In my opinion, they would progress a lot more than being in a close-box of ideas due to their society or following only some specific rules ordered by their community. People would not love what they are doing, if they did it with intrusions from their community.</p>

<p>Clearly the examples above show that people accomplish more when they get to do things in their own instead being followed by rules of society or ordered by a community. Being allowed to make your own choices makes you unique and lets you reach higher goals. People are looking for new things and ideas in the world today and it will only come by doing it your way.</p>

<p>I give it a 1</p>

<p>why is that ?</p>

<p>Well it would be nice if you come in and help me out improve my writing, otherwise it’s unnecessary to even throw your comment.</p>