Grade my essay? I can grade yours.

<p>I'm still practicing essays for SAT comin up. I need some help as to write a great content. I think my speed is fine, but sometimes the quality is lacking</p>

<p>Quote:
A colleague of the great scientist James Watson remarked that Watson was always “lounging around, arguing about problems instead of doing experiments.” He concluded that “There is more than one ways of doing good science.” It was Watson’s form of idleness, the scientist went on to say, that allowed him to solve “the greatest of all biological problems: the discovering of the structure of DNA.” It is a point worth remembering in a society overly concerned with efficiency.</p>

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<p>Prompt:
Do people accomplish more when they are allowed to do things in their own way? Plan and write an essay which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>

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<p>Essay:
There are general rules for every action a person can take. These rules are guidelines for people to follow to avoid unnecessary actions and direful situations. These rules give every person a feeling of “Same-ness” among other. There are always infinite ways to accomplish something. Some people choose to do thing their “own ways” – despite them standing out for their uniqueness will likely hinder the result.</p>

<p>Rules present themselves to students everywhere in schools. This can range from a scientific lab procedure to general attendance records. Students are required to follow every rule in the school. Still, many students break rules on a regular basis, such as not turning in homework or being late to school. Their ways of doing something may not have much difference from the “normal” ways, but an agglomerated snowball will hit them right in the face when report cards come.</p>

<p>People in a society have a behavior of imitating others and follow the general guidelines. Unique methods can stick a people like a tomato in a pile of bananas in society. Some people do succeed by using their own methods. But these unique methods open ways for many possible mistakes. One of these mistakes is that if these methods are not fully developed, explained to, and accepted by the public, people will assume it to be luck – an aspect generally not associated with success in people’s minds. A scientist doing experiments is a perfect example. A scientist may discover life-changing results from an experiment. But unclear explanation can falsely lead others to unable to reproduce the experiment – and unclear explanations are very common. The failed confirmation of the results by others can lead to distrust in the scientist or even job loss due to “conjured” and “manipulated” data. A scientist’s unique techniques are prone to mistakes and drastic results – sometimes good, many times bad.</p>

<p>But many times, a mistake is not even needed. The simple idea of someone performing differently can disturb a peaceful society in function and cause destruction. In the book “Lord of the Flies,” Ralph, the main character, and many other children are stuck on an island and have to survive. Ralph was able to become a leader and organize the children into a functioning society by making the children follow the blowing of the conch shell – a symbol of leadership. The society functioned surrounding the conch. But the society was torn when Jack, a radical, decided he does not want to follow the conch’s signals anymore and left to do whatever he pleased. The children, seen what Jack was able to do, broke away from the society and also became radicals. A simple unique way of Jack only by not following the conch destroyed the temporary society Ralph has built.</p>

<p>Doing something different is always encouraged by the line “think outside the box.” But the box also has a larger container surrounding it. Thinking outside the box but inside the larger boundary can sometimes give miraculous results, despite high risk of failure. But if a person does something outside the larger box, dire results will occur – like Hitler.</p>

<p>Thank you for your help!</p>

<p>bump bump. can someone grade this? i need a lot of help on this :]</p>

<p>Pretty good. It should net a 10 or higher. It seems like a lot for two pages, but it’s possible.</p>

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<p>After reading your essay, I can read your fundamental argument clearly and the essay is very convincing with great mix of detail. Introduction, examples, and conclusion are also very sound with proper grammar and diction. :D</p>

<p>Thank you Thank you THANK YOU for grading my essay &providing all that feedback (=</p>

<p>So now I will grade yours. :D</p>

<p>I would give your essay a 9-10</p>

<p>It has good points, and it is very straightforward and states the facts. I like how it doesn’t talk too much about extra details or anything.
+Good vocab! You might want to add a little more, though, like spread it around. Don’t make it TOO obvious or else the SAT graders will know you’re trying too hard and lower your overall score.
-Your last sentence is kind of random, what do you mean “like Hitler?”</p>

<p>Your essay overall is great! I just think you should keep working on making your points a little clearer.</p>

<p>thank you thank you for your criticisms! I’ve been working on my vocabulary but clearly i have not done enough practice to make the vocab flow in the essay. I really appreaciate you pointing that out. I will work on clearer descriptino of my points. </p>

<p>@idonteatsushi: thnx, the last sentence is REALLY random, now that you’ve mentioned it. it had NOTHING to do with anything i’ve writen…except the fast that it’s a drastic result…but i didn’t really state that clearly. Thank you!</p>

<p>BUMP. Is it possible to get more feedback for this essay? i would really appreciate it!</p>

<p>I would give your essay 10-11, definitely a double digit essay. :)</p>

<p>However, I thought your points weren’t the best. Perhaps you could have made them more clear, as idonteatsushi mentioned. Maybe it would be better if you referred back to the prompt more often.</p>

<p>The mention of Hitler at the end was pretty random. It would’ve been better if you’d made it into a body paragraph and elaborated.</p>

<p>Thank you for grading my essay :D</p>