Grade my Essay in two minutes please?

Test Preparation
1

<p>prompt: Do people accomplish more when they are allowed to do things in their own way?</p>

<p>Every end goal has its own unique way to be accomplished by different people. There is no such thing as one route to a destination. The accomplishments come from the path to the goal instead of reaching the goal itself. It is fallacious to believe that people accomplish more when rules and limitations circumscribe actions. In other words, there are more things accomplished when one is allowed to create his or her path to the destination. The evidence to prove this fact is pervasive throughout literature and history.</p>

<p>The first example is Bob Stine who was an Apply employee. He was given the major project to improve on the IOS used to run ITunes. He was not given any parameters other than to improve the one currently in place. This allowed him to express his imagination and not be restricted by any limitations. Had the company given him a specific way it wanted ITunes to be changed, ITunes would not have all the functions that Bob Stine integrated and not be as popular as it is today. It is because there were no rules on the change that allowed ITunes to flourish to its current state: far greater than it would have been.</p>

<p>The second case is my uncle Stan who was an agent in the FBI. There was a huge case consisting of a murderer who was active for 2 months. He had just been added into the case. For the previous 2 months, the agents had been using the traditional method of background checking and searching. Instead, Stan created his own method, which was to first find consistency with the cases instead of running background of viable suspects. Even though both ways were equally efficient, it was coincidentally, Stan’s method that brought a close to the case. This is all due to the fact that there was no routine, specific way to attack the case that lead to some his accomplishment.</p>

<p>The strongest point is of Atticus who was a lawyer in the book To Kill a Mocking Bird. The Judge had the choice of any lawyer for the Black citizen Tom. The judge understood the racism that underwent in Maycomb. His goal was to decrease the racism and he knew Atticus would accomplish it. Atticus had many various ways to defend Tom and it was because he wasn’t racist that led to a semi-successful trial. If he had been racist, he would have been limited to not aid Tom as much as he did and MayComb would have continued its racism.</p>

<p>More is accomplished when people are not restricted and not made to believe there are limits. Bob Stine revolutionized the ITunes store in ways previously thought to be impossible by Apple. My uncle Stan solved a case by not limiting himself to the traditional method found by so many. If only there are no restrictions to obtaining a goal would the whole human race flourish at previously unthinkable rates.</p>

2

<p>I would give it a 3-4 out of 6? You use awkward word structure, such as “The strongest point” and “The second case”, which is probably one of the biggest flaws. I do like your allusion to the book TKAM; however, explain it better. There are a couple of grammar errors and things that I would change. Also, your thesis sentence is boring. Make it strong and assertive. Don’t just tell that there are a couple cases in history. We readers already know that you’re going to point out reasons why you believe this. Also, one mistake I often see people use is when they try to throw in vocabulary because they think their paper is lack-luster. This is not true. Sometimes, the best papers can be written with concise and rudimentary vocabulary. Just make it fit. Also, where is a counterargument if you need one? Consider all of these things. Try to even rewrite this paper with regard to these suggestions, repost, and maybe some of us can grade it then!</p>

3

<p>This is probably a lower 4 or borderline 5. You make good use of your examples, and I like them, but they aren’t strong enough to guarantee a 5, and your sentence structure isn’t strong enough to guarantee a 6. You’re first sentence thew me off because it was in passive voice. “Every end goal has its own unique way to be accomplished by different people.” You probably should have said, “Different people accomplish their ends goals in their own unique ways.” This is just one example where the sentence structure was a little off, and because it was the first sentence, it set a weaker tone for the entire essay. </p>

<p>Also… The first example. What did Bob Stine do to make ITunes better? What did he personally come up with that made it so much better than it would have otherwise been?</p>

<p>The second example is probably your strongest point. This is really good, but you need to probably be more exact. At one point you say, “This is all due to the fact that there was no routine, specific way to attack the case that lead to some his accomplishment.” I understood what you meant, but I think you should instead say something like “Because he wasn’t forced to follow a specific path in the case, he solved the crime.” I know I’m being a little picky, but that final sentence of the paragraph matters.</p>

<p>The third example… This is where things went wrong, and had you not used it, I’d say a solid 5. I can’t really even figure out w,t,f, you’re saying here. You’re supposed to be talking about how people accomplish more when they do something their own way. I don’t really see how this applies. Who is the person accomplishing something in their own way? Is it the judge, or is it Atticus? What would have happened if this person wasn’t allowed to do things in their own way? I really just can’t figure out what you’re doing here.</p>

<p>What the other guy said about vocabulary is probably true. I didn’t find your vocabulary too pedantic, but in one instance you say, “Even though both ways were equally efficient, it was “””"“coincidentally”"""", Stan’s method that brought a close to the case." So what are you saying here? Seems to me like you’re saying that it was merely chance your uncle’s method worked and that both methods were equally efficient. Therefore, people don’t accomplish more when they work on their own. They accomplish the same. This contradicts your whole argument. Maybe the word coincidentally fit in your sentence, but your sentence didn’t make sense with your argument.</p>

<p>You’re conclusion was working really well… but then things took a spin. Let me first address how the examples you use in your conclusion are your uncle and Bob Stine. Why then did you say that Atticus in TKAMB was the best example? I know its hard to consider that when you’re rushed, but try to either avoid these weird statements or make them more closely alligned to what you actually say. You’re last sentence also left a bitter taste in my mouth. “If only there are no restrictions to obtaining a goal would the whole human race flourish at previously unthinkable rates.” You might’ve instead said, “If people weren’t restricted from obtaining their goals, the human race might flourish at previously unthinkable rates.” When I read your original sentence and then read the last part, I think of someone who, while not having strong sentence structuring skills, is pedantic. Don’t try to seem too ostentatious.</p>

<p>But like I said earlier, I think this is a 4 or a 5. I wrote a much worse essay in June and pulled off an 8. I’m not proud of that lol, and I’ve worked hard to improve. With a little bit of tweaking I think you can score in the 9-12 range.</p>

4

<p>Assignment: Do people benefit more from having many choices or few choices? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>

<p>Sometimes it’s strenuous to make a decisive decision when a plethora of options are given. Many people grovel over having to make a decision when they have more than three options. It is is inherent in human nature to go back and forth and feel conflicted and overwhelmed when presented with myriad choices. Although having a plethora of options has a pleasant facade, ultimately fewer options are better because it allows humans to feel confident in the decision they made. This can be seen through history and my own personal experiences.</p>

<p>In the 3rd century a village called Gilman, which had a population of 20,000 and was located off the coast of Greece, the inhabitants would pick a city mayor between 2 candidates. Although in the premordial stages, the people would have to pick between 30 candidates. The people of Gilman never felt satisfied with whom they elected; thus, the chosen leader would never obtain a clear mandate in support of his decisions. Because of this, the inhabitants were left frustrated and often felt cheated as their abject living conditions never seemed to improve. Finally, Simon Dixy lead the change to reform Gilman’s abhorrent elections and created the 2 candidate system. Soon after, a clear winner was always decided upon and thus was able to masterfully improve the economy, until finally, Gilman had become the lucrative city in Greece. Because the people were given limited options, success ensued and the people always felt confident in their decision.</p>

<p>As a kid, I also felt overwhelmed when deciding to pick a sport. Ultimately, I decided on joining basketball, soccer, and baseball, which vastly overstretched me. Because I was given too many options, I didnt want to feel disappointed in the decision I made, so instead I spread myself thinly by choosing to participate in each sport. Although every coach recognized my raw talent and pure athleticism, I was never able to truly master and build upon that talent to become the all-star that each of them told me i had the potential to become. Because I couldn’t focus on one, I was left overwhelmed, which lead to my eventual failure in each sport.</p>

<p>To succeed and feel confident, humans need to be given limited options. If we are given a plethora of options, we often regret the choice we make. In life, we should be given fewer choices rather than more choices, as it is overall more beneficial. </p>

<p>Can you grade mine</p>

5

<p>I think this is a pretty strong essay. Sorry, i’m not that great of a grader considering i still have things to improve on my essay. </p>

<p>The few things i did find problems with is the first sentence of the second paragraph isn’t grammatically correct. Also i think you should add transitional topic sentences for your body paragraphs. The sentences flow pretty well but i learned to add transitions at the beginning of paragraphs to make the whole essay flow better.</p>

6

<p>People. Stop trying to use vocabulary words in your paper. Don’t go dictionary diving in your head for a word you think may seem fit. Speak what comes natural to you. Using words like “plethora” right there just seems too unfit!</p>

7

<p>Like the second guy, he used the word ‘pedantic’ properly and effectively, most likely because he’s familiar with the exact way of using it and when to use it.</p>

8

<p>To succeed and feel confident, humans need to be given limited options. If we are given a plethora of options, we often regret the choice we make. In life, we should be given fewer choices rather than more choices, as it is overall more beneficial. </p>

<p>Also this… your last sentence is unnecessary. Try to add more content in your conclusion because it is weak.</p>

9

<p>That an pretty abhorrent essay. I’d imagine it would have graders severely questioning their career choices. </p>

<p>Crimes: You take a good logical argument and lard it down with vocabulary that seems to be almost randomly sprinkled across it. Furthermore, CB has invited you to demonstrate that perhaps you learned something about literature, history or science in your high school education (ie- that you should be going on to college) and you reject that opportunity for made up examples. </p>

<p>These graders aren’t idiots. Why does a third century Grecian village have an Anglo-Saxon name? And its being lead by some one named Simon Dixy? Basketball, soccer, and baseball arent all in the same season so your “raw talent and pure athleticism” wouldnt have been so taxed as all that.</p>

<p>Whoever gave the advice to just make up crap examples instead of studying the material you already know gave bad advice.
Whoever gave the advice to sprinkle l33t vocab in your essay to give it that 6 gloss has probably cost students more points on the SAT than the xbox. </p>

<p>From the SAT scoring guide, here are the characteristics of a 2 essay:
“Displays very little facility in the use of language, using very limited vocabulary or incorrect word choice
Contains errors in grammar, usage and mechanics so serious that meaning is somewhat obscured”</p>

<p>On a happier note if njoi123 had written his essay in a less effected way it might be a 5. The idea that we need few choices to “feel confident” was an interesting way to explore the prompt and should have been expanded a bot more. </p>

<p>Please make a strenuous decision to decisively remove a plethora of this vocabulary. For the sake of pedagogues .</p>

10

<p>You use the word “case” a lot in the paragraph about your uncle. Try to reword it so that it does not sound so repetitive.</p>

11

<p>njoi123 I notice many redundancies in your essay. It is also evident that your examples aren’t real. The vocab use is awkward. And it flows really weirdly. I hate to be harsh, but I honestly did not like the essay. I would give it a 3 at best. Maybe a 2.</p>