Grade my essay, its good karma =D

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>Prompt: Should people make more of an effort to keep some things private?</p>

<p>In today's society, privacy is often valued very highly. While in some cases this can be a good thing, in truth, privacy has a propensity to be abused. Thus, as illustrated by the Cultural Revolution in China and my own personal experience, privacy has detrimental effects to the well being of society.</p>

<p>Midway into the 20th century, when the socialist party took over China, the citizens of the country were thrown into a time of unrest and turbulence called the Cultural Revolution. While many different things contributed to this, indeed it was the Chinese government's inability to fully communicate and agree upon truly fair policies with its citizens. Hence, this privacy of the government resulted in a feeling of separation between the government and its citizens that had dire consequences.</p>

<p>As a child, I have always struggled with expressing the feelings and emotions inside of me that I feel are private. At times, however, these feeling can become pent up and cause a great deal of unhappiness that could easily be avoided. By eliminating this privacy, I have found that I become much happier. Therefore, it is often unhealthy in a personal sense as well to be overly concerned with privacy.</p>

<p>As exemplified by the difficulties of the Cultural Revolution and the inner turmoil of not releasing ones emotions, privacy can cause unnecessary pain and anguish. By eliminating privacy, the human race can become unified and happy.</p>

2

<p>I think it was a little on the short side, did you fill up the two pages? Also your examples were good but you described them vaguely. For the Cultural Revolution, you simply stated that the government was private and that this led to the Revolution. You should be more specific, what specifically did the government do (privacy - wise) to cause the Cultural Revolution. Similarly, for your other example, you simply stated that you were private and as a result could not release your emotions and that this caused unhappiness. Specifically state an example: like your pet fish died and you became very sad and had no one to confide with (since you were private).
Other than that, your essay was good: good grammar and diction. Try to fill up all the space and throw in some specific examples. I'm no SAT grader, but I would give it an 8/9. With more specific example, definitely a 10.</p>