Grade my essay (Jan 25 SAT (scores 8-10 usually)

<p>First of all here is some background on me.</p>

<p>I started out with 10 essays based on my tutor (he used to be an SAT grader and also has other friends that are SAT graders)
i deteriorated to 8 essays somehow ( i think i constricted myself too much to a "format")
lately ive reverted back to hitting the ground running, to outline, no plan, no anything, just write, and honestly, it feels a lot smoother although i may have lost my touch...
I wrote this in 25 minutes and I think I could have done better as the prompt kind of confused me (i read the prompt and i thought I had an idea, but then i was thoroughly confused by the quote), I consider this a "decently written-poorly written" essay.</p>

<p>Please tell me if it flows well or not, and if I answered the question with an effective thesis and evidence.</p>

<p>ESSAY: A better understanding of other people contributes to the development of moral virtues. We shall be both kinder and fairer in our treatment of others if we understand them better. Understanding ourselves and understanding others are connected, since as human beings we all have things in common.
Adapted from Anne Sheppard, Aesthetics: An Introduction to the Philosophy of Art</p>

<p>Assignment: Do we need other people in order to understand ourselves? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading , studies, experience, or observations.</p>

<p>[This essay is directly transcribed from writing]</p>

<p>The only thoughts that people are able to keep track of are their own thoughts. For this reason, the way people view themselves may not necessarily be the same as the way others view them. In fact, because of their limited scope, people do not immediately realize the strengths and weaknesses that others find in them. In order to gain the fullest understanding of one's self, one must keep in mind both one's own viewpoint, and the perspectives of others.</p>

<p>In sports, athletes often utilize coaches or trainers to fully realize the extent of their abilities. A few years ago, I attended my first National Championships in the sport of Taekwondo. In my second bout, I faced a tough opponent who initially frustrated my various attempts to score points. At the end of the first round, the score was already 6-0 in favor of my opponent, and I truly believed that I had tried everything possible and that I would definitely lose. I returned to my coach disheartened, but still focused enough to listen to his advice, which I had previously ignored most of the time. I entered the second round half-heartedly and instantly increased my point deficit to 8-0. I could hear the frustrated cries of my couch and, following his advice, I decided to use an axe kick. Landing the head shot, I scored 3 points and felt strange because I had always believed the axe-kick to be my weakest technique. I tried it again, and once again, it landed flawlessly, putting me at only 2 points behind my opponent. Ending the second round rejuvenated, I returned to my coach. I listened to him more closely this time, believing that his views of my performance were now actually important in this particular match. However, I still wasn't confident enough to listen to his seemingly absurd advice: to use my rear leg. I entered the third round and it seemed that my opponent had learned how to counter my axe kick, putting the score at 9-6. As the clock showed 30 seconds remaining, I desperately threw kicks, including my rear leg. Much to my surprise, I was able to land a rear leg round kick to the body. Now I was only down 2 points, but only 10 seconds remained. I frantically threw out another rear leg round kick to the head as my opponent retreated. Miraculously, my foot connected, putting the score at 10-9 with only three seconds left. I could hear my coach and teammates going crazy as time ticked to zero.</p>

<p>From this experience, I realized that I was not the only person who could understand myself and my abilities. In fact, I learned that in order to maximize my potential, I must also rely on the understandings and views of other people.</p>

<hr>

<p>This is a real experience although I did modify it because I didn't have enough time to tell the whole story. In the real story, The match went into sudden death (which people usually win by rear leg "off the line" kicks), and my coach earnestly urged me to use my back leg, but I still wasn't completely confident of his views of my strengths and weaknesses. I tried it because I didn't know what else to do lol and it worked, so from that point on I learned to listen to my coach because his observations of me are important to understanding my own game.</p>

<p>bump. to be perfectly honest:</p>

<p>no matter what advice i receive, i don’t think i will be able to change much one week before the exam. i am posting this primarily to get a reality check.</p>

<p>Boomppppppp</p>

<p>Try to use more examples. Also be more concise and straight to the point. You’ll do great. :D</p>

<p>BAWMP 10charsux</p>

<p>8/12</p>

<p>I feel as thought the example would be been fine if you had related it more to the prompt at hand. You talked about what actually happened like a play-by-play, but there seems to be little connection to “Do we need other people in order to understand ourselves?”</p>

<p>I can feel that it is implied and you listening to your coach does reflect it a little bit, but I wish the relationship between your example and the prompt should be stated explicitly, at least once. </p>

<p>“I learned to listen to my coach because his observations of me are important to understanding my own game.” – Something like this? :P</p>

<p>Other than that it seems pretty solid.</p>